moonbuggy

‘This is a great compilation of about half a dozen funny bloopers from British TV.’

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`When Pfc. Steven Price of Utah volunteered to join the Army in January, he couldn’t do it alone. Because he’s 17, recruiters needed his parents to give their written permission.

Now, an Army spokesman says a Utah-based recruiter has admitted forging the signatures of Price’s parents to enlist him.

Price reported for duty at Fort Stewart in southeast Georgia in June after he completed basic training. He credits the Army with restoring his pride after a troubled adolescence but said that doesn’t justify his recruiters’ actions.

”There was harm and foul play on their part,” the Ogden teen said. ”It was very deceiving what they did.”’

`Ecstasy turned to agony for a South Korean lottery winner when he presented a winning ticket only to be told he could not claim the prize of one million dollars because of a printing mistake, officials said Tuesday.

The Prime Minister’s Commission on Lottery has called off the sale of Speetto-2000 instant scratch-and-win tickets after printing errors resulted in the circulation of more than 10 first-prize tickets instead of the regular four, a spokesperson for the Office for Government Policy Coordination said.’

`Congress is on the verge of barring the construction of permanent bases for U.S. forces in Iraq, a move aimed at quelling concerns in the Arab world that American forces will remain in the war-torn country indefinitely. [..]

Pentagon and State Department officials have insisted that the U.S. military is not building permanent American bases in Iraq and that all facilities under construction will be handed over to the Iraqi government.

But the massive American bases in Iraq have long fueled speculation that the United States plans to maintain a military presence there, as it does in other parts of the Arab world.’

`A veteran Frisco art teacher says school administrators have retaliated against her because a student reportedly saw a nude sculpture during a field trip to the Dallas Museum of Art.

District officials say they are supporting a principal who reprimanded Sydney McGee over the field trip and other performance issues. [..]

In a memo to Ms. McGee, Ms. Lawson wrote that students were exposed to nude statues and other nude art representations during the trip. Ms. Lawson said she received complaints from parents and other teachers about the trip.’

‘Fred Hickey is used to going against the crowd.

Everyone scoffed in 1999 when the veteran Nashua, N.H., stock market guru, who publishes the influential High-Tech Strategist investment newsletter, warned that the tech bubble was going to pop.

And they dismissed him as a wild alarmist early last year when he said house prices were going to slump.

What’s his view now?

“I think we’re going to have a crash, across the stock market,” he told me Friday. [..]

Think: 1929, 1987 and 1999.’

`Hillsborough County vice officers spent $6,400 for more than 90 lap dances, drinks and tips in an investigation into nudity and liquor law violations at an adult bikini bar that spanned more than two years, county records show.

“Sometimes that’s what it takes to get rid of the problems – a lot of attention,” Sheriff David Gee said of the investigation into Lil Tootsie’s nightclub.’

`The German government accused a Berlin opera house of “self-censorship” on Tuesday for cancelling performances of a Mozart opera because it was concerned about attacks by Islamists.

The Deutsche Oper, one of Berlin’s three opera houses, was due to show a controversial production of Mozart’s “Idomeneo” by director Hans Neuenfels in which the severed heads of the Prophet Muhammad, Jesus and Buddha are placed on four chairs.’

`A northern Kentucky man wearing only a thong and carrying a knife allegedly videotaped himself attempting a burglary, then left the tape behind, police said. [..]

McMillen allegedly broke into a woman’s apartment about 3 a.m. EDT on Sept. 20, clad in only thong underwear and carrying a knife, Hensley said. The woman fended off the attacker, who left the apartment and fled into a stand of trees near the apartment complex, Hensley said.

Investigating officers found a video camera the burglar left in the apartment, Hensley said, and found video of McMillen’s family on the end of the tape, Hensley said.’

`A sonar probe of the bed of the English Channel has produced evidence that Britain may have become an island is less than 24 hours, the Daily Telegraph reports.

The survey, led by Imperial College London’s Sanjeev Gupta, revealed the “remains of a huge valley, running south-west from the Strait of Dover” plus “deep bowls, scour marks and piles of rubble on the sea bed that may have been caused by a torrent of water”. [..]

“This suggests the valley was created by a catastrophic flood following the breaching of the Dover Strait and the sudden release of water from a giant lake to the north.”‘

`Security forces took over a Guatemalan prison controlled for more than 10 years by inmates who produced drugs, lived in spacious homes with luxury goods and even rented space for stores and restaurants.

Seven prisoners died when 3,000 police and soldiers firing automatic weapons stormed the Pavon prison just after dawn Monday. Inmates, some carrying grenades, fired back. [..]

Prisoners had set up laboratories to produce cocaine, crack and liquor inside Pavon, on the edge of the town of Fraijanes.’

`See Jane.
See Dick.
See Spot.
See Fluffy.
See Dick’s friend Sath.’

`A western Iowa woman is recovering from the shock of finding a drowned bat in her tea mug – after she sipped from the cup all day. The brown bat, about the size of two tea bags, was found a few weeks ago by a 60-year-old Woodbury County woman, said Chuck Cipperley, an environmental director for the Siouxland health office in Sioux City. [..]

Mike Pentella, program manager at University Hygienic Laboratory, said the bat was a first for the lab.

“We test many, many bats,” he said, “but none that have drowned in a cup of tea before.”‘

`Authorities said a fight broke out on board a flight arriving at Miami International Airport on Wednesday morning. [..]

The FBI said that about two hours before the flight was scheduled to land, the Japanese man elbowed the passenger sitting next to him. Federal authorities said the Japanese man didn’t think the passenger should be using an iPod in flight and complained that he smelled. He then poured perfume on the man, poured water on himself and vomited in the aisle, authorities said.’

`A baby died after rolling off a bed and falling into a bucket of her teenage mother’s vomit at a homeless shelter, police said.

The mother, Savarin DeJesus, 18, was charged with criminally negligent homicide and endangering the welfare of a child, and could get five years behind bars. [..]

Authorities said DeJesus spent the evening of Sept. 15 downing gin and smoking cigarettes and then returned before dawn to the shelter where she lived with the 4-month old girl, Niah. DeJesus threw up into a bucket of cleaning solution next to her bed, then passed out on the bed, clutching Niah’s legs, authorities said.’

6,000,000 light years beyond believability!

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`Thailand’s coup leaders have banned go-go dancers from performing for troops on the streets of Bangkok, fearing soldiers may be distracted.

A troupe of scantily-clad women danced for soldiers near the Royal Plaza on Monday, as part of entertainments paid for by a local radio station.

But the coup’s leaders – who had earlier told soldiers to keep smiling – have now banned all dancing near tanks.

“We have to maintain the seriousness of the coup,” a military spokesman said.’

`A teddy bear has been implicated in 2,500 deaths — trout deaths, that is.

State officials say a teddy bear that fell into a pool at a Fish and Game Department hatchery earlier this month clogged a drain. The clog blocked the flow of oxygen to the pool and suffocated the fish.

Hatcheries supervisor Robert Fawcett said the bear, dressed in yellow raincoat and hat, is believed to be the first stuffed toy to cause fatalities at the facility.’

`He may have played nerdy eighth-grader Samuel (Screech) Powers in the sitcom “Saved by the Bell.” But former TV geek Dustin Diamond can now take his place with Colin Farrell, Tommy Lee and Kid Rock as the star of his very own sex tape.

Everyone who remembers Diamond as a lovable putz is in for a shock once they see a 40-minute video in which he engages in a kinky three-way with two women, sources tell us.

We can’t get too graphic here, but word is that the action includes some bodily functions and an act known as a “Dirty Sanchez.”‘

`David Hasselhoff lied to cops when he allegedly called 911 to report that his younger daughter attempted to commit suicide, according to his estranged wife, Pamela Bach. And Bach tells TMZ Hasselhoff made the call out of pure revenge.

TMZ first reported that police and paramedics responded to Hasselhoff”s 911 call Sunday night. Multiple police sources told TMZ the former “Baywatch” star reported that his younger daughter was “cut” and it was a suicide attempt. Now Pamela Bach tells TMZ that her daughter never attempted suicide and that David knew it. Bach claims David used his daughter as a pawn, telling Bach, “You’re going down. I’m calling the police.”‘

`The Iraq war is a “cause celebre” swelling the ranks of Islamist terrorists, who are likely to grow in numbers for the next five years, a newly declassified US intelligence report has said.

The National Intelligence Estimate, which represents the consensus of the 16 US spy agencies, said the US-led campaign since September 11, 2001, had significantly hurt al Qaeda, but that extermists were nevertheless growing in number across the world.

It said this would lead to “increasing attacks worldwide” for the next five years.’

`Jack Neal briefly became the proud owner of a pink convertible after he managed to buy it for $US17,000 on the Internet, despite being only three-years-old.

Jack’s mother Rachel Neal says she left her password for the eBay auction site in her computer and her son used the ‘buy it now’ option to complete the purchase.

“Jack’s a whiz on the PC and just pressed all the right buttons,” she said.’

`Hey, I like tiny phones as much as the next guy, but this is insane. Take a gander at the Xun Chi 138, purported to be the world’s smallest cellphone. You won’t here any arguments from me on that front; it’s freakin’ tiny. But the problem is that it’s so small there isn’t even room for a keypad, forcing you to use the stylus and touchscreen to do any input. Plus, there’s the danger that you could accidentally swallow it while making a call. [..]’

`When the rare birds of paradise escaped from his suitcase and flew over the heads of U.S. Customs Agents at Los Angeles International Airport, Robert Cusack decided it was best to confess that, yes, he did have more to declare.

“I have monkeys in my pants,” Cusack told the agents.’

`Welsh-speaking cyclists have been left baffled – and possibly concerned for their health – after a bizarre translation mix-up.

For instead of a road sign telling them to dismount, the Welsh translation informs them that ‘bladder disease has returned’.

The temporary sign, placed in front of the roadworks at Barons Court roundabout between Penarth and Cardiff, correctly says ‘cyclists dismount’ in English, but says ‘llid y bledren dymchwelyd’ in Welsh.’

`It looks like the new Rolling Stone due out tomorrow will have a doozy of an article by RFK, Jr. whick will look into whether the 2006 election can be hacked. Based on a few blurbs that were “sneak previewed” by Raw Story it looks like there is an even bigger story in that article – an admission by a Diebold consultant that machine software was altered in 5,000 machines in DeKalb and Fulton counties on the day of the election.

If anyone remembers the 2002 election in Georgia, that is the one where Max Cleland’s five to six point lead was erased overnight to a seven point loss, leading to a miraculous win by Saxby Chambliss, which even describes his come from behind win as “stunning and historical” in his Senate website.’

`Wil Kemp, a reptile keeper at Rockhampton Zoo, in central Queensland, and his fiancee Kahila Pepper, named their son Tai, who was born prematurely on September 5, after the taipan. [..]

As news of the Crocodile Hunter’s death reached Mr Kemp and his fiancee, they gave Tai the middle name of Irwin after their wildlife hero.

And now they say they will feed Tai’s placenta to their three pet goannas, which live in pits in the family’s backyard bordering the zoo, following a family gathering on Sunday.

“I think we’ll just break some beers, chuck it in and do it,” Mr Kemp, 21, said.’

`And although Hitler’s distinguished biographer Sir Ian Kershaw has rightly dismissed Hitler’s feelings for Stefanie as ‘a juvenile infatuation’, the passion with which Hitler stalked her and fantasised about kidnapping and committing suicide with her lets us glimpse the mentality of the person he was destined to become.

Furthermore, August Kubizek’s account reveals that Hitler was utterly unconcerned as to whether the girl after whom he lusted was Jewish or not.’

‘CBS 2 New York Meteorologist Audrey Puente slips up when trying to describe a rip current. Jeez between this and the MSNBC black cock comment it makes you wonder what these news women really wish they were reporting about.’

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