`Hello and thanks for looking at my auction.I am a UPS man and i am gay,and today i am offering you a pair of my used underwear.They have been worn by me while i delivered my packages.They have been washed and will arrive to you in a zip lock bag.Note that the pair in my picture is red but you may receive a different color.’
`Some Denver Broncos and other NFL players are among the thousands of people who have been hit by what health experts call a new super bug. It’s a bacterial infection dubbed ‘Mersa.’ That’s an acronym for Methicillin Resistant Staphylococcus aureus. [..]
MRSA lives on the skin and spreads in health clubs, through dirty towels, filthy locker rooms or sweat-drenched workout equipment.’
`Creatures living near ground zero would have been vaporized immediately while those in the Caribbean area and southern United States would have drowned in 330-feet-high (100-meter) tsunamis when the asteroid impacted near today’s Gulf of Mexico shoreline at a speed of 33,750 mph (54,000 kph).
Then, a column of red-hot steam and dust soared thousands of miles into space and most of it fell back toward Earth within a few hours, turning the heavens into hell.’
`Workers constructing power lines in Alaska accidentally strung a moose 50 feet up in the air. [..]
Workers further down the line couldn’t see the entangled animal when they pulled the wires tight, hoisting the moose up into the air. [..]
President of City Electric Inc. Gabriel Marian said: “It’s just an unbelievable story. The only unfortunate part is we had to shoot the moose. It would be more of a feel-good story if we had let it down and it ran off.”‘
`Dear Mr. Architect:
Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I need, so you should use your discretion. My house should have somewhere between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just make sure the plans are such that the bedrooms can be easily added or deleted. When you bring the blueprints to me, I will make the final decision of what I want. Also, bring me the cost breakdown for each configuration so that I can arbitrarily pick one.’
`The Bush Administration has decided that it will stand by its approval for a book claiming the Grand Canyon was created by Noah’s flood rather than by geologic forces, according to internal documents released today by Public Employees for Environmental Responsibility (PEER).’
`Classical genius Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart has been exposed as a foul-mouthed yob who made today’s bad boy rapper Eminem look tame.
The Austrian composer, who lived in the 18th Century, even wrote a song called Lick Out My Arsehole and put it to beautiful music. [..]
In Lick Out My Arsehole, which he penned at 26, the composer is said to have written the shocking lyrics: “Lick out my arsehole, Lick it till it’s good and clean.”‘
`A new keychain gadget that lets people turn off most TVs – anywhere from airports to restaurants – is selling at a faster clip than it would take most people to surf channels. [..]
The keychain fob works like a universal remote control but one that only turns TVs on or off. With a zap of a button, the gizmo goes through a string of about 200 infrared codes that controls the power of about 1000 television models.’
I don’t know why, but I really want one. 🙂
`The Bar Bot is driven by self interest. Its aim is to drink beer. In order to achieve this goal in bars, the social beer consumption localities of human society, it also deals with money. It asks people for coins and spends them as soon as there is enough for a beer. The Bar Bot is not beneficial for humanity. Rather, it maximises the advantage for itself, like humanity.’
`A Bergen man who won at least over NOK 1 million (USD 152,000) in a lottery has found a way to keep his creditors from touching any of his unexpected windfall – the old-fashioned burial method. Despite complaints to courts and police, the man refuses to say where the money is hidden.
[..] the man refused to pay [his creditors], claiming he had split the money with someone and buried his share in a garden.’
`The world’s whales, porpoises and dolphins have no standing to sue President Bush over the U.S. Navy’s use of sonar equipment that harms marine mammals, a federal appeals court ruled Wednesday. [..]
The lawsuit was brought against Bush and Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld on behalf The Cetacean Community — defined as the world’s whales, porpoises and dolphins — by their self-appointed lawyer, marine mammal activist Lanny Sinkin.’
`Don’t know how to pick up and carry your iMac G5? It’s easy.’
Apple tech support page.
`The new estimate is 20,000 to 25,000 genes, a drop from the 30,000 to 40,000 the same group of scientists published in 2001.
By comparison, the tiny roundworm C. elegans, a favorite research subject, has around 19,500 genes. A small flowering plant in the mustard family, Arabidopsis, has about 27,000.’
`Police in the US state of South Carolina have defended using a stun gun on a 75-year-old woman who refused to leave a nursing home she was visiting to see an ailing friend.
Margaret Kimbrell said she became agitated when the staff would not tell her where her friend was, fearing he had died but the officer “didn’t have to do that. I didn’t deserve this,” she said.
The man was out taking a walk.’
`An incensed Iranian motorist doused his car in petrol and set it ablaze with a match after picking up a parking ticket, media reported on Wednesday.
[..] witnesses describing the driver’s frantic but fruitless pleas to the parking attendant not to issue a ticket.
“Extremely angry, he took a jerrycan of petrol out of the boot and set fire to his car,” ISNA quoted a witness in poor south Tehran as saying.’
`Swimming is already out for tourists visiting Rome’s Trevi Fountain, but an Italian woman was surprised to discover so was pointing out the sights at the landmark made famous by screen diva Anita Ekberg. [..]
She was fined 172 euros ($216.5) for “pointing out the historic and artistic beauty of the Trevi Fountain to a group of Italian tourists without authorization,” the newspaper said.’
`A Lakewood Republican stealing campaign signs late one night got nabbed when he ran across a low- hanging driveway chain, fell face first onto a pilfered sign and the concrete and knocked himself unconscious.
Randal Wagner, 50, was loaded into an ambulance, treated at Lutheran Medical Center for abrasions and facial cuts and issued a summons.
Wagner, who unsuccessfully tried to steal a “Dave Thomas” congressional sign that evening, had signs for other Democratic candidates in his Toyota pickup, Wheat Ridge police reported.’
`A man in New Orleans who bought a pair of bunnies for company, ended up with more company than he could handle.
In less than a year, he had 73 rabbits. [..]
They chewed the furniture. They burrowed into chairs, couches and mattresses. They processed food faster than their owner could clean up after them.
Finally, he moved out and called his doctor for help [..]’
`Bluescreen cycles between different Blue Screens and simulated boots every 15 seconds or so. Virtually all the information shown on Bluescreen’s BSOD and system start screen is obtained from your system configuration – its accuracy will fool even advanced NT developers.’
`A German man who earlier this year tried to have Santa Claus banned, says he has a device that can straighten bananas. [..]
The 56-year-old from Berlin has even gone so far as to apply for a patent. His application included sketches showing how bananas will be carried along on a conveyor belt while robots chop out the curvy bits.’
`An old garden hose is all that is preventing the Sydney Harbour Tunnel, the Harbour Bridge and 50,000 households from being blacked out on hot days.
Electricity workers have rigged up the $20 garden lawn soaker at North Sydney sub-station to drip water over crucial transformers to prevent them exploding in the heat.’
`Chess genius Bobby Fischer has lashed out against what he sees as doubts about his virility, boasted of being hugely endowed and claimed his incarceration near the site of Japan’s worst nuclear accident is aimed at making him impotent.’
`HELLO MY NAME IS DAN AND JESUS FUCKING ROCKS! IF YOU HATE JESUS YOU’RE PROBABLY A FUCKING ASSHOLE QUEER WHO’S GOING TO HELL FOR BEING FUCKING DUMB! SCREW YOU!‘
`An Oregon man discovered earlier this month that his year-old Toshiba Corporation flat-screen TV was emitting an international distress signal picked up by a satellite, leading a search and rescue operation to his apartment in Corvallis, Oregon, 70 miles south of Portland. [..]
Van Rossmann said he was told to keep his TV off to avoid paying a $10,000 fine for “willingly broadcasting a false distress signal.”‘
`A lawyer’s failure to operate a fax machine correctly has been blamed for the European Commission losing a multi-million-euro court case.
The European Court of First Instance ruled in favour of five German banks which had been fined a total of €100m by the EC. [..]
According to the Financial Times, the European Court of First Instance overturned the fine because an EC lawyer who attempted to fax a 100-page document outlining the Commission’s case had accidentally placed it face upwards in the fax machine.’
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