Archive for October, 2004

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Tuesday, October 19, 2004

 

Woman Accused Of Selling Vibrator Disguised As Duck

`Katherine Williams is in some hot water over a vibrating bath toy. Officials in Tennessee threatened to cite Williams for selling her vibrating ducky at a charity flea market. Police said the vibrator inside the sponge ducky makes it a sex toy.’


2 invitations to a wedding I don’t want to go to

`I’ve been invited to the wedding of a mate of mine who I used to know really well until he started going out with the girl he’s going to marry. She’s a dog. No really. I haven’t seen them since I told her she’s a dog over two years ago. They’ve stupidly invited me to their wedding, but I don’t want to go. It’s an invite to me ‘+plus 1″ and involves the afternoon reception (a sit down meal in a 4 star restaurant) and evening piss up (a bus will carry you there, and drag you to the nearest b&b or trainstation after. Should be a good day out. All in all I reckon there’s a good £150 worth of entertainment if you time it right. No one will know you’re not me except the groom and he’ll be so pissed trying to forget his new wife’s a dog he won’t notice.’


Germany has new record for cellphone throwing

`A German has smashed the national record for the rarely contested sport of cellphone throwing by hurling his phone 67.50 metres (nearly 223 feet), the organisers of the event announced.’


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Zombo.com

Welcome to Zombo.com


Wednesday, October 13, 2004

 

If you voted Liberal..

Somewhere in Redfern, apparently.

If you voted Liberal


Monday, October 11, 2004

 

Climate fear as carbon levels soar

`Measurements of CO2 in the atmosphere have been continuous for almost 50 years at Mauna Loa Observatory, 12,000ft up a mountain in Hawaii, regarded as far enough away from any carbon dioxide source to be a reliable measuring point.

In recent decades CO2 increased on average by 1.5 parts per million (ppm) a year because of the amount of oil, coal and gas burnt, but has now jumped to more than 2 ppm in 2002 and 2003.’


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People Are Human-Bacteria Hybrid

`More than 500 different species of bacteria exist in our bodies, making up more than 100 trillion cells. Because our bodies are made of only some several trillion human cells, we are somewhat outnumbered by the aliens.’


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Bush’s bulge stirs media rumours

`A bulge in the back of President George W Bush’s suit jacket during the first TV debate with John Kerry has triggered rumours that he was wired to get help.

Internet websites alleged the apparent bulge, during last week’s debate in Miami, was a radio receiver feeding him answers from an offstage aide.

The Bush campaign dismissed the claims, saying it was just a wrinkle in the presidential jacket. ‘


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Monks’ sex video sparks protests

`Two monks have sparked protests in India when they were caught on video having sex with a young woman. [..]

Angry crowds gathered outside the sect’s temples demanding to know why the pair had broken their vows of celibacy.

Police had to provide security after angry crowds gathered outside the sect’s main temple in Dabhoi in Vadodara district.’


Painting of Nude Bush Removed From Museum

`A cartoonish painting of President Bush (news – web sites) in the nude has been taken down from the wall at the City Museum of Washington. The picture, called “Man of Leisure, King George,” adopts the pose of a famous Impressionist painting, Edouard Manet’s “Olympia,” [..]

The painting by local artist Kayti Didriksen, shows a caricature of Bush, reclining in the nude on a chaise lounge, his head propped up by pillows.’


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Nothing will save us from gullibility and greedy self-interest

`Most times, despite the thick and the avaricious and those who feel it’s just all beyond them, we get it right as a nation.

Not this time. This time we’ve really buggered things. A politically immoral man who, by any civilised measure, disqualified himself from public life, has been given a pat on the back and even more power. This time the people’s will has got it dreadfully wrong. [..]

I thought we had more brains, more self-respect. I was wrong in thinking enough voters “just might” see through the confidence trickery of John Howard, master illusionist and toad of a human being.’


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Drunk steals his own car – from police

`A drunk driver was arrested on Friday morning after he stole his own car – from the police – and ran it into a ditch.

The 53-year-old man had been pulled over for “swerving all over the road” [..]

But after the man was fined and set free – as most drunk drivers are in Sweden – he took a taxi back to where police had left his car and claimed it back by using his spare key.’


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Brits more scared of spiders than terrorists

`Britons are more scared of spiders than terrorist attacks or death, a new survey reveals.

Creepy crawlies such as spiders, cockroaches and other bugs were voted the nation’s number one fear.

Terrorist attacks came second in the poll of 1,000 British adults who were asked what made them most frightened.’


Cromwell’s moonshot

`More than 300 years before the Soviet Union launched its Sputnik satellites and American astronaut Neil Armstrong stepped on to the Moon, England had its own ambitious space programme.

It came in the shape of a 17th-century clergyman who drew up plans for a spaceship powered by wings, springs and gunpowder [..]’


The Gematriculator

`The Gematriculator is a service that uses the infallible methods of Gematria developed by Mr. Ivan Panin to determine how good or evil a web site or a text passage is. [..]

Experts consider the mathematical patterns in the text of the Holy Bible as God’s watermark of authenticity. Thus, the Gematriculator provides only results that are absolutely correct.’

Will only analyze pages 100k or less. Moonbuggy is too big. ðŸ™


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Pointy Things Confuse Kids

` Pupils on a visit to a farm confessed to staff they had never seen or eaten a carrot before.

Despite it being one of the most common vegetables in Britain, the children seemed bemused by the strange, orange object.

Other pupils asked staff at the food festival if they could be eaten raw.’


Judge orders rocket belt to be turned over by Friday

`State District Judge John Wooldridge said after a hearing Friday that Bradley W. Barker must present the belt to the court by noon Friday or face up to a $500 fine and six months in jail. If he doesn’t bring it, he must explain why he should not be held in contempt.’


Infrared Zoo Gallery

`Infrared light shows us the heat radiated by the world around us. By viewing animals with a thermal infrared camera, we can actually “see” the differences between warm and cold-blooded animals. Infrared also allows us to study how well feathers, fur and blubber insulate animals.’


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How you can break Murphy’s Law

`There’s grim news for people who worry that if something can go wrong, it will go wrong. A new mathematical formula has proved Murphy’s Law really does strike at the worst possible time.’


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Maggie Muggs low-speed ramjet project

`Photo Diary: How I Built the “Maggie Muggs” Low-Speed Ramjet Prototype at home in my basement, using ordinary hand tools and a handful of discount-store materials, with NO WELDING, for under $60 US’


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Sunday, October 10, 2004

 

Chas ‘Tony’ Licciardello’s stooge calls

Calling up radio Australian radio presenters and reading out political party press statements.


Saturday, October 9, 2004

 

Creative Date Ideas

`Yo, I know how to treat my girl right. I always show her the same respect I want to get back from her. I never ask her to swallow my spunk until I go down on her first. It’s just common courtesy.’


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Boy plucks apple as big as head

`[..] Adrian Barlow, spokesman for English Apples and Pears, told the Daily Mail newspaper: “It’s extraordinary and magnificent.”‘

with picture. He’s going to hurt his jaw. 🙂


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The Zoomquilt

It’s loops back to the start eventually.


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State Worker Mistakenly Mows Down Highway Seedlings

`A state worker mowed down 28,000 young trees that had been planted as part of a $33,000 highway beautification project.

The only thing left behind were signs that read “Do not mow or spray.”‘


How to Scare People with Statistics

`Step 1. Start with data that shows a positive trend, like this DOT highway fatality data that shows that the traffic fatality rate is at the lowest level ever recorded. [..]

But don’t worry, we can find ways to make this data sound scary, as if it means just the opposite.’


Jack has Kimberley’s breast implants on his wall

`Jack Osbourne has Rod Stewart’s daughter Kimberly’s breast implants framed on his wall.

Kimberley presented Jack with her old silicone implants when she had them replaced with new ones.’


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GMail Drive shell extension

`GMail Drive creates a virtual filesystem on top of your Google GMail account and enables you to save and retrieve files stored on your GMail account directly from inside Windows Explorer. GMail Drive literally adds a new drive to your computer under the My Computer folder, where you can create new folders, copy and drag’n’drop files to.’


Elton John takes swipe at Madonna

`”Madonna, best fucking live act? Fuck off,” said the singer renowned as much for his outrageous outbursts as he is for his outlandish outfits.

“Since when has lip-synching been live?” he asked.

He ended his outburst by saying: “That’s me off her fucking Christmas card list but do I give a toss? No.”‘


Compressed Carbon Nanotubes Harder than Diamond

`Cold compression of carbon nanotubes at 75 GPa results in the formation of a superhard hexagonal carbon polymorph that has a different structure than hexagonal diamond [..] formation of the superhard material cracks the diamond anvils used in the synthesis, and leaves a 3 micron indentation in the surface of the anvil [..]’


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