moonbuggy

`You decide whether I pull the trigger or not. Final decision will be determined after I get 10,000 votes.’

`Goatse Rescue Floppy is an useful tool to keep in your pocket at all times. You’ll be able to show the infamous hello.jpg on basically any IBM-PC compatible computer with a floppy drive (or, in extreme cases you can use the CD-ROM drive).’

`Surrounded by nearly 200 men in dark blue uniforms, matching caps and black military-style boots, the small female contingent stood out with their colorful headscarves, lipstick, silver fingernails and gold earrings dangling under headscarves.

“We have asked our American friends to give us boots and hats so we have proper uniforms,” Masouma told reporters during a break in training.’

`It said 67 year-old Constantin Mocanu, from a village near the southeastern town of Galati, rushed out into his yard in his underwear to kill a noisy chicken keeping him awake at night.

“I confused it with the chicken’s neck,” Mocanu, who was admitted to the emergency hospital in Galati, was quoted as saying. “I cut it … and the dog rushed and ate it.”‘

`They were 4 000 objects in the Lost and Found offices after the rowdy Munich festival, with lost property including underwear, secret government papers, a glass eye, prosthetic limbs, a set of false teeth with one tooth made of gold and a shop window dummy. [..]

The top secret papers related to a reform of legal laws in Bavaria – but officials gave no further details about the content.’

`A Kitchener woman pleaded guilty yesterday to having sexual intercourse with her two teenage sons on separate occasions. The 35-year-old woman can’t be named to protect the identities of her sons. She sobbed in Kitchener’s Ontario Court as the two incest charges were read out and the facts given.’

`The first page of what a state archivist says is part of the original draft of the Republic of Texas Constitution is on display after years in a box labeled “miscellaneous 19th-century papers.”‘

Mine resources, sell them.

`The U.S. Air Force is quietly spending millions of dollars investigating ways to use a radical power source — antimatter, the eerie “mirror” of ordinary matter — in future weapons.’

`When hygienically inspecting your scrotum, remember to treat your fleshy sack with kid gloves (or an equivalent glove of soft construction). Keeping your fingernails neatly trimmed will also help cut down on self-inflicted scrotal damage. [..]

Get a professional to “size” you for under-shorts. Many scrotal accidents could have been easily avoided by sporting proper fitting under garments.’

`Some 40 Greek males from a village in the region of Zacharo will take what they describe as a love bus to the Ukraine in the hope of finding women who will marry them.’

`Much of bioinformatics is devoted to finding DNA sequences separated by long gaps of unknown data, then a continuation of a known sequence. Since much of DNA is filled with repeating, seemingly irrelevant noise, eliminating these gaps is a common problem in genomics.

The same is true in protocol reverse-engineering. [..]’

`A study showing the link between country music and suicide has taken one of the top prizes in this year’s Ig-Nobel awards – the humorous alternative to the Nobel prizes.’

With more on the Ig-Noble prizes.

`”This malware thing is so bad,” he said in a speech at the Computer History Museum here. “Now that’s the one that has us really needing to jump in.”

It’s also a problem that has affected Gates personally. He said his home PCs have had malware, although he has personally never been affected by a virus.

“I have had malware, (adware), that crap” on some home machines, he said.’

`Stroke induced memory loss led a man to almost forget that his wife of several years was not as slim as before, but quite fat. [..]

“I can’t remember her gaining weight. I think of her as slim like when we met. I wondered what the heck was going on. I thought, ‘My God, she has got fatter all of a sudden’. I didn’t even know I had grandchildren,” he was quoted as saying.’

`An adult sex toy shut down a major regional airport for almost an hour on Monday when it was mistaken for a bomb, police said. [..]

“It was rather disconcerting when the rubbish bin started humming furiously,” she said.

“We called security and next minute everybody was being evacuated while they checked it out.”‘

If you don’t know who to vote for in the upcoming Australian federal election ZGeek has links to a few sites that might help you decide. 🙂

`A small Spanish fishing boat netted more than it bargained for this week when it hauled up 23 bales of hashish instead of the usual batch of anchovies.’

`A hotel was evacuated because of a suspected bomb – which turned out to be a lesbian couple’s DIY baby-making kit. [..]

A hotel source said: “Everyone thought it was funny, but they were mortified.”‘

`After watching the presidential debate Thursday night, two UNC students ended up slapping each other while fighting over who Jesus would vote for in the election.’

`He believes the carp is able to carry on normal cardiac pumping without oxygen by ridding itself of lactic acid – the stuff that produces a burning sensation in human muscles after exercise – by converting it to ethanol, an alcohol, which is much less harmful.

A regular heartbeat may ensure that ethanol is circulated to the gills, where it is excreted to the surrounding water. “Otherwise you’d have an intoxicated fish,” he said. ‘

`Pie corrupts. Absolute pie corrupts absolutely.’

`Mel Gibson, producer and director of “The Passion of the Christ,” has obtained a restraining order against a man he says stalked him to demand that they pray together, according to court papers.’

also here.

`We don’t want any of that Jackie Chan Bollocks !’

(4meg Quicktime)

`A sculpture depicting the faces of Prime Minister John Howard and US President George W Bush and others on phallus-shaped structures has caused a stir in a New South Wales town.

The work, Texas Tea Party, features nine plinths shaped like phalluses surrounding a gold oil barrel and tea set.

The faces on the phalluses include those of Mr Howard and Mr Bush, Saddam Hussein, Kerry Packer and Alexander Downer.’

`Dear Sir/Madam:

First of all, I’d like to congratulate you on the acquisition of a Casio Exilim S20 compact digital camera. No doubt it was an exciting find after your fine meal at Houston’s on Park, where delicious spinach dip is the signature item. [..]

No doubt, you’re wondering why the memory card contains 17 close-ups of a cat’s ass.

I will explain, but first I’d like to make it perfectly clear that I am not attracted to cats, nor do I have any kind of collection of cat derrieres. [..]’

`The nuns were convicted by a federal jury in April sabotaging the national defense and damaging government property. The nuns cut a fence and walked onto a Minuteman III silo site in October, swinging hammers and using their blood to paint a cross on the structure.’

`[..] FoxNews.com has slipped up by fabricating quotes that portrayed Sen. John Kerry in an extremely feminine light.

Under the sub-title, The Metrosexual vs. the Cowboy, FoxNews published fake quotes of John Kerry such as, “Didn’t my nails and cuticles look great? What a good debate!” and “Women should like me. I do manicures.”‘

also here and here.

`Record-high oil prices might seem like bad news for the auto industry. But one European manufacturer plans to make a type of car unaffected by $50-a-barrel crude — cars that run on compressed air.’

`It was just four months ago when Marv Heemeyer used a makeshift tank to bulldoze through the town of Granby, causing destruction that would cost $5.5 million to repair.

Now, to help raise some of that money, some women in town are showing a little skin.’