`The best ten stories, according to HumorFeed, are as follows (in alphabetical order, by website):
* Avant News: President Bush Paints Self Into Corner
* BBspot: Microsoft’s Antispyware Tool Removes Internet Explorer
* Brainsnap:Christian Fundamentalists Suspected of Terrorist Bombings
* BSNews: President Bush Sells Louisiana Back to the French
* Confusion Road: Terri Schiavo Dies; Congress Orders Feeding Tube Reinserted
* Department of Social Scrutiny: Government Responds to Charles and Camilla’s Wedding with ID Card Follow-up
* The Fake News: One Hot White Chick Injured in Tsunami Disaster
* John Fanzine: Scientists Discover Most Boring Substance Ever
* Opinions You Should Have: Existence of Poor People A Surprise, Says Bush
* Studio 8 Entertainment: Popeless World Plunges Into Chaos’
`A Houston police officer has been reinstated even though authorities said he embarrassed the department by passing along nude pictures of a woman he arrested, KPRC Local 2 reported on Monday.
A civil service arbitrator ordered Officer George Miller reinstated Friday after serving an eight-month suspension without pay.’
`An online casino has a piece of Capt. Kirk. Actor William Shatner has sold his kidney stone for $25,000, with the money going to a housing charity, it was announced Tuesday. Shatner reached agreement Monday to sell the stone to GoldenPalace.com.
“This takes organ donors to a new height, to a new low, maybe. How much is a piece of me worth?” he said in a telephone interview. [..]
The stone was so big, Shatner said, “you’d want to wear it on your finger.”
“If you subjected it to extreme heat, it might turn out to be a diamond,” he added.’
`A Maori cultural performer who headbutted a Dutch tourist during a traditional welcome is unapologetic about the attack which left his victim with a broken nose and two black eyes.
Speaking after being sentenced in court yesterday, Richard Minarapa Mitai-Ngatai said the victim had laughed during the “sacred” ceremony.
“He was disrespecting my culture that I love, a culture I am proud to be a part of,” Mitai-Ngatai said.’
`A poker game at a Casselberry home early Sunday morning came to an abrupt end when two men were shot by an off-duty Maitland police officer who was not allowed to join the game. [..]
The trouble began when Benjamin Simanton showed up with a friend — Metevier — wanting to join the game.
Simanton and Metevier were told that everyone had to put up $100. The pair refused. Instead they offered to come in with $20 each, reports said.
The disagreement led to an argument between Metevier and Granich, who is Webster’s cousin. Things escalated, and the off-duty officer ran out of the house with Granich chasing after him, according to reports. Next, the three men inside heard a popping sound, and came out to find Granich moaning on the ground and bleeding from a stomach wound.’
`But we claim not merely the praise of gratifying curiosity, or affording assistance to the ambitious; we are very sure that the moral influence of the Lexicon Balatronicum will be more certain and extensive than that of any methodist sermon that has ever been delivered within the bills of mortality. We need not descant on the dangerous impressions that are made on the female mind, by the remarks that fall incidentally from the lips of the brothers or servants of a family; and we have before observed, that improper topics can with our assistance be discussed, even before the ladies, without raising a blush on the cheek of modesty. It is impossible that a female should understand the meaning of TWIDDLE DIDDLES, or rise from table at the mention of BUCKINGER’S BOOT. Besides, Pope assures us, that “VICE TO BE HATED NEEDS BUT TO BE SEEN;” in this volume it cannot be denied, that she is seen very plainly; and a love of virtue is, therefore, the necessary result of perusing it.’
`Police directives about what could and could not be photographed were an abuse of power and should be ignored, Liberty Victoria said today.
The civil liberties body made the statement after a report in a Melbourne newspaper today said a member of the Geelong Camera Club received a visit from police after he photographed gas storage cylinders at the city’s Shell oil refinery.
Club member Hans Kawitski was told not to photograph industrial installations and was ordered to inform members of the camera club to follow his lead.
Liberty Victoria said its advice to photographers would be to ignore the directive.
“The police have got no place making such warnings,” president Brian Walters SC said.’
`A lad who only ate chips, toast and baked beans was killed by his junk diet — aged just 20.
After years of unhealthy eating, Scott Martin’s liver began to fail, he developed hepatitis and his blood would not clot.
Sixteen-stone Scott refused a life-saving liver transplant because he was too scared and was so weak he needed a wheelchair.
He finally bled to death after an op to remove three infected teeth.’
`Thirty years ago, the scientist James Lovelock worked out that the Earth possessed a planetary-scale control system which kept the environment fit for life. He called it Gaia, and the theory has become widely accepted. Now, he believes mankind’s abuse of the environment is making that mechanism work against us. His astonishing conclusion – that climate change is already insoluble, and life on Earth will never be the same again.’
An animated GIF of the stabilized bigfoot footage.
`Melbourne’s train temptress has struck again.
However police and rail officials have met to plan an end to her saucy crime spree.
The woman broke into a cabin on a peak-hour Frankston train on Tuesday night and broadcast X-rated praise of the driver to stunned commuters.
The husky-voiced intruder is believed to be the serial seductress behind a similar break-in and announcement on the Sandringham line last week.
The trespasser evaded capture by authorities on both occasions.’
`There is a “very high” probability that a terrorist group will strike using nuclear, chemical or biological weapons, a senior U.S. counterterrorism official said in comments published Tuesday.
“I rate the probability of terror groups using (weapons of mass destruction) as very high,” U.S. State Department counterterrorism coordinator Henry Crumpton was quoted as saying by the Daily Telegraph newspaper. “It is simply a question of time.”‘
Must be an election coming up or something. Time to get everyone all scared.
`As regards your question, it is to be noted, first of all, that all acts that aim at satisfying and pleasing the spouses are allowable so long as two things are avoided, that is anal sex and having sex with a wife while she is still in her menstruation. Thus, it is permissible for a husband and a wife to practice cunnilingus and fellatio. Following we’d cite the opinions of some well-known Muslim scholars in this regard: [..]’
`The American Civil Liberties Union and the Center for Constitutional Rights filed lawsuits on Tuesday against the Bush Administration for conducting wiretaps of American citizens without judicial oversight. [..]
The lawsuits add to the controversy surrounding the Bush Administration’s contention that the United States is at war and that status gives the president the right to void legal and constitutional protections for U.S. citizens. [..]’
`Darwin City Council says its parking inspectors are used to copping a bit of abuse but the discovery that someone had urinated in their motorbike helmets was a step too far.
Council chief executive officer Alan McGill says five helmets were targeted during a break-in at the council’s compound last week. [..]
“So we’re not quite sure now whether it was someone who was a bit upset or, to put it bluntly, pissed off at getting a parking fine.”‘
`A Texas Department of Transportation employee was killed Sunday when he stepped in front of a moving 25-ton roller.[..]
Witnesses said Hayes stepped in front of the machine as it was backing up. The machine, known as a pneumatic roller, compacts pavement.
Hayes died instantly, [a spokesman] said. [..]
“He was a very experienced man, and for some inexplicable reason, he walked out in front of one of those rollers,” [the spokesman] said. “We’re stunned.”‘
`Two deploying soldiers and a concerned mother reported Friday afternoon that the U.S. Army appears to be singling out soldiers who have purchased Pinnacle’s Dragon Skin Body Armor for special treatment. The soldiers, who are currently staging for combat operations from a secret location, reported that their commander told them if they were wearing Pinnacle Dragon Skin and were killed their beneficiaries might not receive the death benefits from their $400,000 SGLI life insurance policies. The soldiers were ordered to leave their privately purchased body armor at home or face the possibility of both losing their life insurance benefit and facing disciplinary action.’
`If you’ve been watching TV, the latest political hoopla in Washington involves the NSA. President Bush has acknowledged ordering the NSA to conduct electronic surveillance on individuals inside the US. [..]
Few facts are known about the NSA except for the little bits of information made available to the public from time to time. Even their budget is classified.
One interesting thing about the NSA is Echelon.’
`Two disabled men were forced to crawl to their car after a security guard refused to let them take borrowed wheelchairs past a shopping centre entrance.
Westfield, which manages Fountain Gate shopping centre in Melbourne, apologised to the two men, who have muscular dystrophy.
The pair, both in their 40s, had used wheelchairs loaned to them by the shopping centre in Narre Warren.
They said a security guard had insisted they leave the chairs at the entrance and cover the five metres to their cars unaided.’
`A mechanic standing near a Boeing 737 at El Paso International Airport in Texas was sucked into one of the engines and killed Monday, officials said. [..]
[The CEO of Continental Airlines] said the incident occurred during a maintenance check in preparation for the plane’s departure.
A spokeswoman for Boeing said Monday’s incident is not the first such accident. “It doesn’t happen very often,” spokeswoman Liz Verdier said. “It has happened in the past.”
Either way, she said, the responsibility lies with Continental: “The airlines are responsible for their safety procedures.”‘
`Impotency drugs Viagra and Cialis may increase the risk of sudden blindness in men with a history of heart attacks or high blood pressure, research suggests.
A new study published in the British Journal of Ophthalmology is the latest to suggest a link between impotency drugs and a condition which could cause sudden blindness in one eye; non-arteritic ischaemic optic neuropathy (Naion). The authors recommended doctors discuss the risk with their patients.’
Cool animated 404 page with an angry looking frog.
`In the course of his lengthy neuroimmunological experiments, the scientist arrived at the conclusion that sexual intercourse has a positive effect not only on the overall physical condition of both partners but also on their immune systems. Phagocytes are to be praised for the marvel. Phagocytes are cells that help the body rid itself of various ailments. This is how they work: once they locate an alien body, they penetrate it and trigger self-destruction.
During sexual intercourse, number of phagocytes tends to increase significantly; oftentimes, number of these cells almost doubles after orgasm. This in turn enables these cells to detect and destroy antibodies more quickly.’
`Iran stepped up its defiance of international pressure over its nuclear programme yesterday by warning of soaring oil prices if it is subjected to economic sanctions. As diplomats from the US, Europe, Russia, and China prepared to meet today in London to discuss referring Tehran to the UN security council, [..]
In a provocative move, Iran also announced plans yesterday to convene a “scientific” conference to examine the evidence supporting the Holocaust. The news comes weeks after President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad provoked a global outcry by describing the slaughter of 6 million Jews by the Nazis in the second world war as a “myth”.’
`When Kevin Herbert has a particularly intractable programming problem, or finds himself pondering a big career decision, he deploys a powerful mind expanding tool — LSD-25. [..]
“When I’m on LSD and hearing something that’s pure rhythm, it takes me to another world and into anther brain state where I’ve stopped thinking and started knowing,” said Herbert who intervened to ban drug testing of technologists at Cisco Systems.’
`Former Vice President Al Gore called on Congress and the public to resist what he called “a gross and excessive power grab” by the Bush administration amid the war on terrorism, declaring that “our Constitution is at risk.”
Gore said the use of the National Security Agency to eavesdrop on Americans without court approval shows that President Bush “has been breaking the law repeatedly and persistently.”
“A president who breaks the law is a threat to the very structure of our government,” he said.’
`General Ronald E. Keys, Commander of Air Combat Command, has announced that the F-22A Raptor, the world’s only 5th generation fighter aircraft, surpassed a monumental milestone today when the United States Air Force declared that the Raptor has reached initial operational capability. The General made the historic announcement at Langley Air Force Base, VA.
The Air Force is now capable of deploying and supporting 12 F-22A Raptor aircraft anywhere in the world to execute air-to-air and air-to-ground missions. The Raptor is also qualified to perform homeland defense missions when required.
[..] Rated “Overwhelmingly Effective” by the USAF during Initial Operational Test and Evaluation, the Raptor is three times more effective than the F-15.’
Hooray! That means three times as many innocent Iraqi civilians can be killed. And three times as much oil for the US aswell, no doubt.
`This site deals with women glued to their chairs. Stories, images, and more of a woman glued to her chair are available. This is a realm of the “glue fetish” or “stuck fetish” where individuals become stuck in glue. While an image of a woman glued to her chair like the image at right is not inherently adult, the content inside the website treats it as such. If you are uncomfortable with viewing such material, click the “LEAVE” link above.’
`Mayor Ray Nagin suggested Monday that Hurricanes Katrina and Rita and other storms were a sign that “God is mad at America” and at black communities, too, for tearing themselves apart with violence and political infighting.
“Surely God is mad at America. He sent us hurricane after hurricane after hurricane, and it’s destroyed and put stress on this country,” Nagin, who is black, said as he and other city leaders marked Martin Luther King Day.
“Surely he doesn’t approve of us being in Iraq under false pretenses. But surely he is upset at black America also. We’re not taking care of ourselves.”
Nagin also promised that New Orleans will be a “chocolate” city again. Many of the city’s black neighborhoods were heavily damaged by Katrina.’
`The idea for Project Rogue Server A.K.A. Project Silver was started after an interesting conversation I had with a friend of mine. I had this dead ups lying around and didn’t know what to do with it. So we threw some ideas back and forth and the one that stuck was a hidden rogue server. This could be used for both good and awesome. Just think of the possibilities. A hidden file archive, hook it up to your hacked tivo, mess with the RIAA when the come search your house….. (#$))_%$)*@&^( )%^@ (NO CARRIER)’
