`When Metallica’s 2003 Summer Sanitarium tour arrived in Chicago, few of the 40,000 headbangers gathered at Hawthorne Racecourse were keen to see openers limpbizkit. Possibly incited by a feud between bizkit frontman Fred Durst and local shock-jock Erich “Mancow” Muller, the crowd held up signs reading “Fred Sucks” and pelted him with garbage and coins. Dodging the barrage of detritus, Durst suggested that the audience’s lousy aim explained why the local baseball teams were so bad — ironically, he was then struck squarely in the balls by a lemon. Calling the set to an early end, Durst berated the crowd from the wings, boasting that limpbizkit was the greatest band in the world, until his microphone was taken from him.’
`An anonymous Merseyside man who had an implant to “help with erection problems” has found he becomes uncontrollably aroused every time his neighbour pulls up in his 4X4, the Scottish Daily Record reports.
The spontaneous hardening is due not to a Liverpudlian all-terrain fetish, but rather to the car owner’s garage door remote which, well, here’s a transcript of the conversation the poor chap had with BBC Radio Merseyside host Roger Phillips when he rather splendidly chose to share his woes with the world: [..]’
`It took surgery to save a 12-foot Burmese python after it swallowed an entire queen-size electric blanket — with the electrical cord and control box.
The blanket must have gotten tangled up in the snake’s rabbit dinner, owner Karl Beznoska said. He kept the blanket in cage to keep the 60-pound reptile, named Houdini, warm. [..]
X-rays showed the tangle of the blanket’s wiring extending through about 8 feet of the python’s digestive tract. The surgery to remove it took an 18-inch incision.’
He sure knew how to dance.
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`America’s Mattress co-owner Jim Sather is left puzzled after a rustler stole Serta Mattresses’ inflatable 14-foot sheep from their store here.
“I can’t figure out what someone would do with a 14-foot sheep,” Sather said. “It can’t go in your basement and if it’s in your back yard, your neighbor will notice. If it’s target practice, it only lasts once.”
All the thief or thieves left was a handwritten note at the scene of the crime that read: “For the sheep, bring peace to the earth.”‘
`A doctor and two nurses who worked through the chaos that followed Hurricane Katrina were arrested overnight Monday on suspicion of murder, accused of giving four patients stranded at their flooded hospital lethal doses of morphine and a sedative.
“This is not euthanasia. This is homicide,” Louisiana Attorney General Charles C. Foti said. [..]
The arrest warrants said Pou and the two nurses intentionally killed four patients “by administering or causing to be administered lethal doses of morphine sulphate (morphine) and midazolam (Versed).”‘
`Two Irish men who stole a fishing trawler after missing their ferry had to be rescued off the British coast where they were going in circles because they did not know how to sail.
After hours at sea, the men called what they thought was the Irish coastguard for help.
“They thought they were just off the coast of Ireland,” said Ray Steadman, press officer of the Holyhead lifeboat in north Wales, about 66 miles east of Ireland.
In fact, the two were just 12 miles north of where they started in Holyhead and had called the British coastguard, Steadman told Irish broadcaster RTE Monday.’
‘A summer tradition, driving your minivan into your above ground pool. I think this guy is trying to find the carpool lane.’
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`The only cure for what ails Mark DelCore is sunbathing stark naked beside his rat terrier named Cheekies, he said in a federal lawsuit against officials on Fire Island.
The Forest Hills man said he suffers post-traumatic stress disorder and “an acute skin condition” resulting from exposure to toxins after the terror attacks on Sept. 11, according to a suit DelCore filed in U.S. District Court in Central Islip this week.
“Since my skin condition is all over my body,” DelCore said in the suit, he needs the healing rays to touch every square inch of his skin — hence his frequent 48-mile trips to Fire Island’s clothing-optional beach near Kismet. But Fire Island National Seashore says Cheekies should be like DelCore’s clothes on the beach — gone.’
This seems to be from a Japanese show that teaches how to speak English. In this episode, we see how to deal with a mugger and learn how to say “Take anything you want” and “Spare me my life”, among other things.
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`Teenage girls who get pregnant are deliberately “planning” to become mothers in the belief that a baby will improve the quality of their lives.
An extensive study published today reveals that girls as young as 13 are making a “career choice” by deciding to have children, since they see parenting as preferable to working in a dead-end job.
The findings from the Trust for the Study of Adolescence challenges the assumption that schoolgirl mothers are all irresponsible adolescents who are ignorant about using contraception. The revelation that teenage girls are actively choosing motherhood is backed up by official figures obtained by this paper which show that nearly a quarter of pregnancies to under 18s are second children.’
Snakes on a Plane meets Zero Wing.
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`In a move reminiscent of U.S. efforts to drive former Panama strongman Manuel Noriega from the Vatican Embassy where he took refuge in 1989, the local council in Rockdale, in Sydney’s southern suburbs, started a six-month trial of high-volume hits by Manilow and Doris Day to chase away car enthusiasts who were gathering on weekend nights at Cook Park Reserve. [..]
But some people living near the park are less than enthralled. They say the barrage of “Copacabana,” “Could It Be Magic” and “Que Sera Sera,” blasting from 9 p.m. to midnight every Friday, Saturday and Sunday is driving them crazy.’
Star Wars with Darth Vader’s voice taken from other James Earl Jones films. Kinda amusing.
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`The little boy began running across the rooftops of several homes and neighbors could not believe what they were seeing.
“I saw a baby running across the window, then I said that can’t be true, but then I saw a dog,” said neighbor and block captain, Tina Mitchell.
The dog was Alfie who followed little Philip out of the window and it was the dog’s barking that got the attention of neighbor’s and his parents.
Not only did the dog run outside but she actually ran along the outside edge of the roof to make sure the toddler did not fall off.’
`Japanese students succeeded on Sunday in making a manned flight in a plane powered only by household batteries.
The group from the Tokyo Institute of Technology flew the plane a distance of 391 metres (1,283 ft) at an airfield north of the capital, in what was the first such battery-powered flight, said a spokesman for Matsushita Electric Industrial Co, the project’s sponsors.’
`It’s one way to assure order in the court.
The New York state Advisory Committee on Judicial Ethics has ruled that it is permissible for judges to pack a pistol beneath their robes while on the bench.
“From an ethical standpoint, there is no prohibition … barring you from carrying a firearm while performing your duties on the bench,” the committee said in a decision published in this week’s New York Law Journal. [..]
“This committee believes that keeping your firearm concealed and safeguarded on your person while you are on the bench is advisable,” the ruling said.’
`When the death of 60-year-old Roger “Syd” Barrett was announced on Tuesday, the media raised an astonishing last hurrah for the founder of Pink Floyd, the “crazy diamond” who had shunned the public gaze for decades.
The descriptions of him as a “mad genius”, “recluse” and “acid casualty” were far off the mark, however, according to his sister Rosemary.
When I wrote Barrett’s biography, Madcap, four years ago I had off-the-record guidance from Rosemary — his junior by two years and closest friend. Last week, after his death, we spoke again and this time she went on the record — the first time she has given a press interview for more than 30 years.’
‘New South Wales Labor MP Peter Breen has penned a sickening tribute to the killers of Janine Balding in which he talks about his realisation one night “under the stars” that he loved two of them. [..]
He declares the oldest of the three killers – “Shorty” Jamieson – to be innocent of the murder. Mr Breen calls “blue-eyed” Jamieson by his nickname Jamo. He bought him a television for his cell.
“Jamieson is gazing out the high-barred window behind me, his eyes reflecting blue sky,” Breen describes one jail meeting in his bizarre paperback, researched mainly in parliamentary time.
“I love Shorty Jamieson and I’m not afraid to say so.”‘
Update: Killer love remarks: MP resigns
‘A NSW upper house state MP who said he loved two of the killers of Janine Balding has resigned from the Labor Party, Premier Morris Iemma says.’
`It took five police officers, three hits with a Taser gun, leg straps and a spit bag to subdue a 5-foot tall, 105-pound woman who entered a Waukesha home and attacked a couple she didn’t know with a metal pooper scooper and scissors, authorities said.
Still kicking after being strapped and handcuffed, the woman was carried by police out of the home in a bag, and she looked “like a sack of potatoes,” the homeowner said.
Leisa K. Reed, 47, who told authorities she smoked crack cocaine before the incident, was charged Monday with two felonies [..]’
`A Tasmanian man had to convince police he had not been drinking when he reported finding a 180kg seal wandering with his horses in a paddock on Sunday. [..]
The man lived in Cambridge, east of Hobart, and about 400 metres from the ocean’s edge.
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He discovered the seal in a paddock with his horses but had no idea how long it had been there, Sgt Lee said.
“When it (the seal) was found so far from the ocean, it makes us wonder what it had on its mind,” he said.’
` A 14-year-old Pen Argyl boy accidentally plunged a steak knife five inches into his leg Wednesday after becoming angry with his mother when she asked him to put away the clean dishes, Pen Argyl police said.
The knife was still imbedded in the boy’s leg at 2 p.m. when police arrived at the home in the 700 block of William Street, police said.
The boy told police he accidentally stabbed himself when he grabbed a steak knife and tried to throw it into the floor so it would stick.’
`A doctor allegedly told a patient she is so fat she might only be attractive to black men.
He also allegedly advised another to shoot herself to end her suffering after brain surgery.
Rude and offensive? Yes, said a New Hampshire judge. But worthy of discipline from the New Hampshire Board of Medicine? No, the judge ruled in ordering the board to stop disciplinary proceedings against Dr. Terry Bennett.
The judge made clear that while he doesn’t condone the remarks, Bennett has the right to speak bluntly to patients.’
‘US President George W Bush has been caught on microphone using an expletive to show frustration with Hezbollah’s attacks on Israel.
Mr Bush was heard telling UK Prime Minister Tony Blair privately that Syria should press the Lebanese militants to “stop doing this shit”.
The remarks were picked up by closed-circuit TV at the G8 summit which both leaders are attending.’
Update: now with video of George Bush swearing.
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‘Poisonous mud and gas is erupting from kilometres below the earth and 8,000 people are displaced and hundreds hospitalised on the Indonesian island of Java.
The calamity has been caused by a gas exploration project near Surabaya in East Java that has gone horribly wrong, and for the past six weeks, has unleashed hundreds of tonnes of hot toxic mud. [..]
An area of 12 square kilometres has now been covered and four entire villages have been affected, displacing almost 8,000 people.’
A cool little illusion that makes a black and white picture appear to be coloured after you stare at a dot for a while.
`A 4-year-old boy survived a fall from an 11-story window after being left alone at home, bouncing off a metal awning into a concrete courtyard and then trying to stand up, officials said. He was able to chat with doctors.
“I’m amazed the kid’s alive,” Police Chief James Tuffey said.
Hasim Townsend remained in serious condition Saturday, a day after his fall, with a broken skull, a broken leg and other injuries.’
`Amar Shreiteh is charged with attempted murder and false imprisonment. Police say he was working at the store Monday morning when 14-year-old Jeremius Howard came in with his sister.
As the girl browsed for snacks, Howard played with a yo-yo.
After she paid for the items, Howard put down the toy and tried to leave the store. Police say Shreiteh demanded the boy pay for the yo-yo, but Howard told him it was already opened and he didn’t want it. Shreiteh then reportedly punched the boy.
Police say he pulled Howard behind the counter and stabbed him on the back of his arm with a butcher knife.’
`Success, which spoils things, has most surely changed the time-honored menu of the great Testicle Festival.
“It’s not the same anymore,” moped Bob Zeier, a 75-year-old retired cattle rancher, sitting in the Ryegate Bar and Cafe and dragging on a Camel filter. “Not the same at all. A bull testicle is just not the same as a calf testicle.” [..]
“A fresh calf testicle tastes like lobster,” said Zeier. “You never had anything like it.” [..]
“Bull nuts taste like shoe leather,” said Zeier. “You can have ’em.”’
