‘Sometime Sunday evening, someone broke into five recreational vehicles and two buildings behind the Troutdale Outlet Mall owned by the City of Troutdale’s parks and recreation department.
Tools, generators, sanders, welders and six Motorola two-way radios worth about $6,000 were taken, said Sgt. Steve Bevens of the Troutdale Police Department. The crooks left behind plenty of evidence: blood, footprints and fingerprints.
Not too smart, right? It gets better.
At around 9:30 p.m., police officers listening to the city’s radio network were astonished to hear two men laughing and joking about the “trailer” they had just broken into. Hee-hee, they said, let’s meet at the Plaid Pantry and get some beer.’
‘Me: “Hi, I’m calling on behalf of Smithtown Lincoln Mercury may I…”
IQ=10: “Is this a recording?!”
Me: “No, I am not a recording, Sir. May I please speak to…”
IQ=2: “I DON’T BELIEVE YOU!!”
IQ=2 *Click*’
Also: Retarded Customer Questions, Part II
‘Simply pop two AAA batteries into the concealed pack, push a button and voila! Amazing animated glowing old skool gaming on your chest. The two automated computer players are very talented and never seem to miss a shot… but you might want to watch for several hours just to be sure.’
‘The uncoupling of American evangelism from the administration of George Bush gathered pace yesterday when one of the largest national umbrella groups of socially conservative Christians issued a statement critical of US policy towards detainees and repudiating torture as a tactic in the war on terror.
The National Association of Evangelicals (NAE), which represents about 45,000 churches across America, endorsed a declaration against torture drafted by 17 evangelical scholars. The authors, who call themselves Evangelicals for Human Rights and campaign for “zero tolerance” on torture, say that the US administration has crossed “boundaries of what is legally and morally permissible” in the treatment of detainees.
“Tragically, documented cases of torture and inhumane and cruel behaviour have occurred at various sites in the war on terror, and current law opens procedural loopholes for more to continue,” the NAE said last night.’
‘British medics warned that a lack of donated dead bodies was damaging the quality of training for new doctors and surgeons, and possibly putting patients at risk.
The Royal College of Surgeons said there was a serious national shortage of cadavers which are needed to teach anatomy to medical students.
“Visual demonstration is not enough,” said Dick Rainsbury, RCS education director, adding that he had doubts about whether those who learnt by observation could perform operations with “any degree of competence or confidence”.
“There has been a noticeable and serious decline in the general level of applied anatomical knowledge displayed by junior doctors,” he said. [..]
The RCS said it estimated 1000 bodies a year were needed for medical teaching and that there was currently a 30 per cent shortfall, with particular problems in London.’
‘A woman is recovering in hospital after her toddler son started her car and pinned her to a brick wall in Melbourne’s outer south-east.
A police spokeswoman said the car was parked in the driveway of the Rowville home, near the entrance to the garage, when the 18-month-old boy started its engine and it moved forward, sandwiching the toddler’s mother between the car and the wall.
The woman, in her early 30s, received pelvic injuries and a possible broken hip in the accident, which occurred at about 5.30 last night. [..]
The accident comes after a television advertisement featuring a toddler driving a car was pulled from the air following complaints it could encourage copycats.’
‘When I was about 11, my little brother (8 at the time) sleepwalked into my bedroom in the middle of the night. He started banging on my dresser with his hand and saying “MOM SAID TO PUT IT RIGHT HERE! MOM SAID TO PUT IT RIIIIGHT HEEERE!!”.
He then turned around and walked slightly out of the room. The next thing out of his mouth was:
“FUCKING MIDGETS!”
Then he got in the shower fully pajama’ed, turned it on, showered briefly, got out, and went back to bed. All without waking. [..]
In basic training, one guy was heard almost screaming, “WE MUST TURN THIS BED INTO A FORT” [..]
A mate also said this in his sleep to his lady friend.
“Just because I’ve got a shitty finger, doesn’t make me a bad man.”‘
‘A Department of Justice report made public Friday highlights numerous problems with FBI’s use of national security letters (NSL), a controversial legal device whose use was greatly expanded by the 2001 Patriot Act. NSLs allow the FBI to demand customer records from credit bureaus, banks, phone companies, ISPs, and other organizations without judicial review.
The report by the Office of the Inspector General (OIG), led by Glenn Fine, found that due to inadequate tracking and reporting systems, the FBI had significantly understated its use of NSLs in previous reports to Congress. After auditing a small fraction of the NSLs issued, Fine’s staff found 22 irregularities, some of them quite serious. That suggests that hundreds of NSLs have been issued in violation of the law. Perhaps worst of all, the report finds that the FBI sent over 700 “exigent letters” to three unidentified telephone companies requesting them to expedite the process by voluntarily handing over customer data without waiting for a formal subpoena or NSL.’
‘Close to three-quarters of American youth are ineligible to serve in the Army and patriotism among the country’s recruitable population has been sliding since 2002. [..]
According to Wallace, only 27 percent of youth between the ages of 17 and 24 are eligible for recruiting.
The remaining 73 percent, he said, “are morally, intellectually or physically” unfit for service. “It’s the lowest it’s been in more than 10 years.”
College, he said, is now the preferred post-high school activity and youths surveyed said they perceived the Army as “ordinary.” [..]
Referring to the Army’s four-month-old “Army strong” recruiting ad campaign, Wallace said the study showed that 80 percent of youths don’t watch commercials [..]’
‘A new survey revealing more than a thousand supermassive black holes in one region of the sky calls into question a popular model of how the gravity monsters behave. [..]
Typically, a black hole is surrounded by a doughnut-shaped region, or torus, of gas. The view of the black hole’s immediate surroundings is blocked by this torus by different amounts, depending on the orientation whether we’re looking through it edge-on or looking down on the setup from above, the thinking goes. [..]
“Instead of finding a whole range, we found nearly all of the black holes are either naked or covered by a dense veil of gas,” said Ryan Hickox of the Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics. “Very few are in between, which makes us question how well we know the environment around these black holes.”‘
‘Weight loss surgery could lead to a condition which can result in memory loss, according to US research.
The syndrome – Wernicke encephalopathy – affects the nervous system and brain, and can lead to confusion and the inability to co-ordinate movement.
The study, published in Neurology, the journal of the American Academy of Neurology, says the syndrome is caused by a lack of vitamin B1, or thiamine.
Frequent vomiting after surgery can lead to the syndrome, the study found.’
‘A small community on Cape York Peninsula says it has only a few days of fresh food left because supply trucks cannot get through on the main road which is deteriorating due to the wet season.
The shortage of milk, bread, fresh fruit and vegetables could cause major health problems at Coen, said resident Karen Rosin, who runs the town’s general store with her husband Adrian.
“We do have a lot of diabetics in the community and the tinned foods really aren’t suitable because there is a lot of salt in them,” Mrs Rosin said.’
‘Some teens fashioned a small car to drive backwards and sideways. They take it on the street and go wild. Very entertaining.’
(9.9meg Windows media)
see it here »
‘Scientists who questioned mankind’s impact on climate change have received death threats and claim to have been shunned by the scientific community.
They say the debate on global warming has been “hijacked” by a powerful alliance of politicians, scientists and environmentalists who have stifled all questioning about the true environmental impact of carbon dioxide emissions.
Timothy Ball, a former climatology professor at the University of Winnipeg in Canada, has received five deaths threats by email since raising concerns about the degree to which man was affecting climate change.
One of the emails warned that, if he continued to speak out, he would not live to see further global warming.’
‘Halliburton, the big energy services company, said today that it would open a corporate headquarters in the United Arab Emirates city of Dubai and move its chairman and chief executive, David J. Lesar, there.
The company will maintain its existing corporate office here as well as its incorporation in the United States. [..]
The announcement about the Dubai move, which Halliburton made at a regional energy conference in Bahrain, comes at a time when the company is being investigated by the Justice Department and the Securities and Exchange Commission for allegations of improper dealings in Iraq, Kuwait and Nigeria. Halliburton has also paid out billions in settlements in asbestos litigation.’
‘These guys dare their friend to climb into the dryer all the way and close the door. Turning the dryer on was not part of the deal and when that happens, the prank back fires, painfully.’
(3.4meg Windows media)
see it here »
‘The diploma is mostly in Swedish so here’s the translation for the ones who do not speak swedish:
“To the King of Sweden Carl XVI Gustaf,
We hearby give you this diploma as a sign of our appreciation.
We have in a great cooperation made remarkable progress in the fight for positioning Sweden as a prosperous nation regarding technology and culture.
In these progressive days we’ve spread more files than ever. We’ve made history.
We now have the honour to report that The Pirate Bay now archives 200 000, by the citizens donated, documents of culture and we’re tracking more then 500 000 cultural treasures globally.
This is a new world record.”‘
‘Developers have turned a house into an island in China after the owner refused to move out.
The villa now stands alone in a 30ft deep man-made pit in Chongqing city, reports Jinbao Daily.
The Chongqing Zhengsheng Real Estate Company wants to turn the area into a £40m ‘Broadway’ square, including apartments and a shopping mall.
But the owner of the villa says he won’t move out unless the company pays his price – the equivalent of £1.3 million.
“The villa owner refuses to move, so the real-estate developer has had to dig out all around it to force him to,” says a saleswoman at Weilian Real Estate Sales Company.’
This lecturer reads back some of the feedback he’s gotten over the years. It’s pretty hilarious.
I should grow a moustache. 🙂
(6.2meg Windows media)
see it here »
‘An elite group of Native American trackers is joining the hunt for terrorists crossing Afghanistan’s borders.
The unit, the Shadow Wolves, was recruited from several tribes, including the Navajo, Sioux, Lakota and Apache. It is being sent to Tajikistan and Uzbekistan to pass on ancestral sign-reading skills to local border units.
In recent years, members of the Shadow Wolves have mainly tracked smugglers along the US border with Mexico.
But the Taliban’s resurgence in Afghanistan and the US military’s failure to hunt down Osama bin Laden – still at large on his 50th birthday on Saturday – has prompted the Pentagon to requisition them.
US Defence Secretary Robert M.Gates said last month: “If I were Osama bin Laden, I’d keep looking over my shoulder.”‘
‘The actor Sylvester Stallone has been charged with importing a banned human growth hormone into Australia.
He was stopped by customs officials at Sydney airport last month after the banned substance was allegedly found in his luggage.
Stallone, 60, flew into Australia to promote his latest film, Rocky Balboa.
Customs officials said they found 48 small bottles of the hormone after searching the star’s luggage, and later carrying out a raid on his hotel room.
Human growth hormone is considered a performance enhancing drug and cannot be imported into Australia without a special permit.’
Followup to Customs raid on action man Stallone.
‘Israel has recalled its ambassador to El Salvador after he was found drunk and naked apart from bondage gear.
Reports say he was able to identify himself to police only after a rubber ball had been removed from his mouth.
A foreign ministry official described Ambassador Tzuriel Refael’s behaviour as an unprecedented embarrassment.’
‘”I am not the Cookie Monster,” said Tory Caruth, laughing.
But cookies are why he spent time in the Will County Jail after the Girl Scouts sued him in small claims court.
Girl Scouts of Trailways claimed Caruth never paid for 118 boxes of cookies his daughter ordered five years ago.
The 40-year-old Joliet trucker is listed on permission forms as his daughter’s guardian responsible for payments. The 118 boxes were valued at $354 when the order was placed in January 2002. Caruth claims that money was turned in to the organization.
While his name is on the documents, Caruth said he never signed the forms, which state “failure to turn over or any misuse of these funds on my part will result in legal action taken against me by Girl Scouts.”
“I never ordered, never signed for and never received any cookies,” he said.’
‘Microsoft has admitted that its Live OneCare security suite has been accidentally deleting some users’ Outlook and Outlook Express e-mails.
According to postings on Microsoft’s OneCare forum, erasures have been caused when the antivirus program finds a virus in an e-mail attachment. Instead of then quarantining that single e-mail, users have reported that entire .pst or .dbx files — the personal folder where non-Exchange Server users’ messages and other details are kept — have been quarantined or, in some cases, even deleted.’
‘An ex-con and former mental patient who won a landmark state Supreme Court decision in 2004 that allowed hundreds of mental patients to stop taking forced medication appeared in an Alameda courtroom Friday on charges that he killed his roommate in September.
Kanuri Qawi, 46, was charged with murder in the fatal stabbing of his roommate, John Laird Milton Sr., 59, whose body was found Sept. 13 in their home on Moonlight Terrace at Dignity Commons, a housing facility for veterans at Alameda Point, the site of the former Alameda Naval Air Station. [..]
The court said Qawi had been diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenic and had been medicated against his will between 1995 and 2004.’
It starts off a bit slow.. 🙂
(4.4meg Windows media)
see it here »
