‘In a provocative article, an Italian medical professor argues that Pope John Paul II didn’t just simply slip away as his weakness and illness overtook him in April 2005. Intensive care specialist Dr. Lina Pavanelli has concluded that the ailing Pope’s April 2 death was caused by what the Catholic Church itself would consider euthanasia. She bases this conclusion on her medical expertise and her own observations of the ailing pontiff on television, as well as press reports and a subsequent book by John Paul’s personal physician. The failure to insert a feeding tube into the patient until just a few days before he died accelerated John Paul’s death, Pavanelli concludes. Moreover, Pavanelli says she believes that the Pope’s doctors dutifully explained the situation to him, and thus she surmises that it was the pontiff himself who likely refused the feeding tube after he’d been twice rushed to the hospital in February and March. Catholics are enjoined to pursue all means to prolong life.’
‘This is some highlights from yesterdays OJ Simpson press conference. Jake Byrd is back and better this time standing shoulder to shoulder with OJs lawyer helping answer questions.’
(10.5meg Flash video)
see it here »
‘As a trial-court judge, Florentino V. Floro Jr. acknowledged that he regularly sought the counsel of three elves only he could see. The Supreme Court deemed him unfit to serve and fired him last year.
Case closed? Not in the Philippines, where vampires are said to prey on unwary travelers and wealthy politicians consult fortune tellers and card readers. Mr. Floro, 54 years old, has become a media celebrity. He is now wielding his new clout to campaign for the return of his job — and exact vengeance on the Supreme Court.
Helping him, he says, are his three invisible companions. “Angel” is the neutral force, he says. “Armand” is a benign influence. “Luis,” whom Mr. Floro describes as the “king of kings,” is an avenger.’
Followup to Fortune-telling judge couldn’t see it coming.
‘Snake collector Matt Wilkinson of Portland grabbed a 20-inch rattler from the highway near Maupin, and three weeks later, to impress his ex-girlfriend, he stuck the serpent in his mouth.
He was soon near death with a swollen tongue that blocked his throat. Trauma doctors at the Oregon Health and Science University saved his life.
“You can assume alcohol was involved,” he said. Actually, not just beer. It was something he called a “mixture of stupid stuff.” [..]
Wilkinson, 23, had downed a six-pack and his ex-girlfriend asked him for a beer. He handed her one, not realizing the snake was also in his hand.
“She said, ‘Get that thing out of my face,'” Wilkinson said. “I told her it was a nice snake. ‘Nothing can happen. Watch.'”‘
‘I, [MY NAME], hereby pledge:
1. To never let grubby boys touch me – unless it’s just fun innocent stuff like tripping me and pulling my hair. (But only the hair on my head!)
2. To never wear trampy stuff like shorts or t-shirts or open-toed shoes, which basically tell horny perverts that I’m a major tramp who’s just asking for it.
3. To never do rough stuff like ride horsies or bikes with hard seats, which could break my vagina’s freshness seal and make me totally unlovable.
4. To never let tampons violate the sanctity of my hoo-hoo, because tampons are really nothing more than thirsty little albino penises.
5. To never have premarital sex, because Jesus doesn’t want anyone messing around inside my girly hole until after His church makes some money off a wedding.’
‘The Prince of Wales will today open the only public garden in Britain to be allowed to grow cannabis.
The Prince will officially open the second phase of The Alnwick Garden, in Alnwick, Northumberland, which includes the UK’s only public poison garden, growing plants such as cannabis and coca under lock and key. [..]
The first phase of The Alnwick Garden, which has cost £35.1 million ($A82.04 million) to construct, was officially opened by the Prince in October 2002.
This afternoon, he will view the second phase of the project, which also contains the world’s largest wooden tree house, a unique set of water sculptures that combine physics with the arts and an imposing pavilion designed by architect Sir Michael Hopkins.’
This is a trick to turn one 6V lantern battery into 32 AA batteries.
This guys reaction to the failure is hilarious. 🙂
I’ve attached the original lantern battery trick video aswell.
(950kB and 2.6meg Flash videos)
see it here »
‘A driver of a sport utility vehicle who hit a telephone pole blamed the crash on two friends having sex in the back seat.
Joshua D. Frank, 22, pleaded guilty this week to a misdemeanor charge of failing to notify a police officer of a traffic accident. [..]
According to court documents, Frank told police that his SUV is top heavy and the backseat action made it become “tippy,” causing him to lose control.
According to the affidavit, Frank suffered a minor head injury in the crash and his friends were treated for unspecified injuries.’
‘A word to burglars: Don’t break into a building full of police officers undergoing training.
Two men learned the hard way in Antioch and ended up being arrested, police said today. [..]
They had no idea that the Antioch police K-9 unit was due for a training session at the building, which once housed a cardboard-processing plant.
And at first, the police had no idea that the burglary suspects were inside.
As part of the training, an officer hid inside the 40,000-square-foot building. A K-9 officer then called out that a dog was about to be released and that anyone inside should immediately give up or risk getting bitten.
That’s when Ayers surrendered, police said.’
‘If you’re taking a fat-blocking medication for weight loss, you’ve probably experienced “treatment effects” – flatulence, oily anal discharge, bowel urgency, and liquid stools that are difficult to control. [..]
You shouldn’t have to compromise your freedom in order to lose weight. You shouldn’t have to worry about where the nearest lavatory is, or whether the dark spots will show through your pants if you lose control and soil yourself. You shouldn’t have to stifle a laugh or a sneeze for fear of anal incontinence.
You deserve a better backup plan than the extra change of clothes in your car. Now there’s a simple and effective solution that can allow you to use weight-loss fat blockers while giving you a sense of security and confidence, knowing that you’ll be in control.’
Followup to alli: Miracle diet pill with teeny-tiny side effect and Diet Drug: Lose Weight, Possibly Soil Self.
‘A pilot made an incredible escape after crashing his small plane on a busy highway in Florida yesterday.
Robert Robertson was left conscious and sitting in his seat after the cockpit disintegrated around him on.
The bloodied 34-year-old, who was alone on the flight and remarkably suffered only minor injuries, remained in his seat waiting for nearby emergency crews to take him to hospital. [..]
Witnesses said the plane lost power, did cartwheels in the sky, clipped its wing on a warehouse and came to a halt in roadside grass.’
‘Everybody do stupid things sometimes when they’re drunk, ok?’
(6.8meg Flash video)
see it here »
‘International travelers concerned about being labeled a terrorist or drug runner by secret Homeland Security algorithms may want to be careful what books they read on the plane. Newly revealed records show the government is storing such information for years.
Privacy advocates obtained database records showing that the government routinely records the race of people pulled aside for extra screening as they enter the country, along with cursory answers given to U.S. border inspectors about their purpose in traveling. In one case, the records note Electronic Frontier Foundation co-founder John Gilmore’s choice of reading material, and worry over the number of small flashlights he’d packed for the trip.
The breadth of the information obtained by the Gilmore-funded Identity Project (using a Privacy Act request) shows the government’s screening program at the border is actually a “surveillance dragnet,” according to the group’s spokesman Bill Scannell.
“There is so much sensitive information in the documents that it is clear that Homeland Security is not playing straight with the American people,” Scannell said. ‘
‘Police started a missing person alert for a great-grandmother – only for her to turn up 12 hours later having been locked in a public loo overnight.
Gwyneth Coles, 77, of Pickering, North Yorkshire, got locked in the town’s toilets after nipping in following a bus journey on Monday evening.
Although an attendant locking up shouted to check the building was empty, he failed to hear her answer.
Flushed council officials apologised and sent Mrs Coles a bunch of flowers.’
‘Nalini Ghuman, an up-and-coming musicologist and expert on the British composer Edward Elgar, was stopped at the San Francisco airport in August last year and, without explanation, told that she was no longer allowed to enter the United States.
Her case has become a cause célèbre among musicologists and the subject of a protest campaign by the American Musicological Society and by academic leaders like Leon Botstein, the president of Bard College at Annandale-on-Hudson, N.Y., where Ms. Ghuman was to have participated last month in the Bard Music Festival, showcasing Elgar’s music.
But the door has remained closed to Ms. Ghuman, an assistant professor at Mills College in Oakland, Calif., who is British and who had lived, studied and worked in this country for 10 years before her abrupt exclusion.
The mystery of her case shows how difficult, if not impossible, it is to defend against such a decision once the secretive government process has been set in motion.’
‘Fans of hit ’70s sitcom The Brady Bunch have been shocked by claims clean-cut TV sisters Marcia and Jan were real-life lovers.
Actress Maureen McCormick, who played Marcia, has reportedly revealed the lesbian love affair in a tell-all autobiography. [..]
“The most explosive comments will be how the then blonde, blue-eyed cutie developed a crush on Eve Plumb, which led to some sexual play,” a source told America’s National Enquirer magazine.
“This book will certainly come as a shocker. While Maureen is not a lesbian, she reveals there were some sexual high jinks going on behind the scenes.”‘
The dragster disintegrates and explodes at top speed, but this guy gets nothing but a small burn on his pinky finger.
(3.7meg Flash video)
see it here »
‘Some residents in Seattle are calling their new transit system by its acronym: SLUT.
Officially, the system is called the Seattle Streetcar but many people claim it was originally named the South Lake Union Trolley.
The $50 million rail system connects South Lake Union to downtown Seattle.
People working in the trolley’s neighborhood came up with the name SLUT.
The coffee shop Kapow Coffee even sells commemorative T-shirts that read, “Ride the SLUT.”‘
‘A man who broke into his neighbour’s home west of Brisbane and used her vacuum cleaner and a detergent bottle as sex aids has avoided jail.
Jamie Thomas Lacey, 27, was high on LSD and amphetamines when he broke into the house at Millmerran in September 2004.
He pleaded guilty today in the Brisbane District Court to burglary and wilful damage.
The court was told his neighbour returned home on September 29 to find her bathroom in a total state of disarray.
Crown prosecutor Julie Aylward told the court pornographic magazines and clothes were strewn around the room, and that a makeshift sex aid constructed from a Toilet Duck bottle, a piece of wood and a latex glove had also been left behind.’
‘A Hartlepool man is facing jail after he urinated on a disabled woman who lay dying in the street.
The 27-year-old shouted “this is YouTube material” as he degraded Christine Lakinski, 50, who had fallen ill, magistrates heard. [..]
Anderson had smoked a cannabis joint and been drinking when he and two friends spotted her.
He tried to rouse her by throwing a bucket of water over her, before urinating on her and covering her with shaving foam. The incident was filmed on a mobile phone.
She was later declared dead at the scene, the cause of death being given as pancreatic failure.’
‘The Education Department has investigated claims a six-year-old student ran a “sex club” at an eastern suburban primary school, involving up to up to half a dozen grade 1 students.
One mother said her son, also six, was asked to perform a sex act, and that the alleged perpetrator also exposed his genitals to students.
Following an investigation, the department has admitted that the student exposed students to sexual conversations and proposed activities, but denied the existence of a “sex club”. The alleged perpetrator received counselling.
The mother has been unable to make a police report because the law states sexual assault by a child under 10 cannot be prosecuted.’
A husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, “I warned you to be careful! Now we’ll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize, and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.”
So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, “Come on in.” When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.
A large black man reclining on the couch asked, “Are you the people that broke my window?”
“Uh..yeah, sir. We’re sure sorry about that,” the husband replied.
“Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I’m a genie, and I’ve been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you’ve released me, I’m allowed to grant three wishes. I’ll give you each one wish, but if you don’t mind, I’ll keep the last one for myself.”
see it here »
‘Imagine going to the grocery store only once every 6 months. Imagine paying less than a dollar per meal. Imagine never washing dishes, chopping vegetables or setting the table ever again. It sounds pretty good, doesn’t it?
But can a human subsist on a constant diet of pelletized, nutritionally complete food like puppies and monkeys do? For the good of human kind, I’m about to find out. On June 3, 2006, I began my week of eating nothing but monkey chow: “a complete and balanced diet for the nutrition of primates, including the great apes.”
Maybe I’ll lose weight. Maybe I’ll gain superhuman monkey strength. Maybe I’ll go crazy. Maybe it’s too late. Check back here every day to follow along with the Monkey Chow Diaries. Comments, criticisms, questions and advice can be left on the blog.
I’m tired of cooking. I hate scrubbing pots and pans. I’ve wasted too much time in the checkout line. It’s time to eat chow.’
‘Uh, I don’t know, Um, I don’t know what to say. I don’t know. (pauses) I didn’t know anybody was there. Howdy.’
‘Toilet paper dust caused a Southwest Airlines flight to make an unexpected landing in New Orleans on Friday. According to spokeswoman Mary Lee, a passenger noticed the white substance in the bathroom of a flight from Tampa to Las Vegas.
The pilot thought the threat was enough to land the plane as soon as possible; New Orleans’ Armstrong International Airport happened to be closest.
All passengers were taken off the plane, and inspectors determined that the substance was just dust from toilet paper. ‘
‘A scientist thinks Australia’s only non-commercial satellite may have run out of battery power.
The 58-kilogram FedSat has been operating since 2002.
It was only supposed to last for three years.
The University of South Australia has been responsible for its day-to-day operation and says it has lost contact with the public satellite.
Scientist Andrew Parfitt says it could orbit Earth for another century before burning up.’
I don’t know what’s stranger, the scorpion or the strange noises.
(2.5meg Flash video)
see it here »
‘A military watchdog organization filed a lawsuit in federal court Tuesday against the Pentagon, Secretary of Defense Robert Gates, and a US Army major, on behalf of an Army soldier stationed in Iraq. The suit charges the Pentagon with widespread constitutional violations by allegedly trying to force the soldier to embrace evangelical Christianity and then retaliating against him when he refused. [..]
“Immediately after plaintiff made it known he would decline to join hands and pray, he was confronted, in the presence of other military personnel, by the senior ranking … staff sergeant who asked plaintiff why he did not want to pray, whereupon plaintiff explained because he is an atheist,” says the lawsuit, a copy of which was provided to Truthout. “The staff sergeant asked plaintiff what an atheist is and plaintiff responded it meant that he (plaintiff) did not believe in God. This response caused the staff sergeant to tell plaintiff that he would have to sit elsewhere for the Thanksgiving dinner. Nonetheless, plaintiff sat at the table in silence and finished his meal.”‘
‘A man tired of burglars nearly blew off his hand when bomb-like devices he set around his house exploded in his presence instead, authorities said.
Victor Iacobescu, 50, ran to a neighbor’s house Thursday with a bloody towel wrapped around his right hand.
“Apparently, he was trying to set booby traps to get the next guy who tried to break in,” fire Lt. Maggie Murphy said.
Iacobescu had been the victim of several break-ins, she said.
The neighbor, Patrick Struble, said the explosives were “like a pipe bomb. He accidentally triggered it, and it almost blew his hand off.”‘
‘A Gold Coast teenager was struck in the face by a boat propellor when he fell out of a dinghy while baring his buttocks at people on the shore.
The 17-year-old boy from Kanimbla was one of three males travelling in a dinghy along a canal off Huon Street at Broadbeach Waters on the Gold Coast about 4pm (AEST) yesterday.
It is believed all three males stood up to bare their buttocks at a group of people at a waterfront residence, causing the vessel to become unstable, and all three fell overboard, police said. [..]
Another occupant of the boat, a 20-year-old man from Rochedale South, in Brisbane’s south, has been charged with drink driving.’
