‘The clergyman, in his 50s, told nurses he had been hanging curtains when he fell backwards on to his kitchen table.
He happened to be nude at the time of the mishap, said the vicar, who insisted he had not been playing a sex game.
The vicar had to undergo a delicate operation to extract the vegetable, one of a range of odd items medics in Sheffield have had to remove from people’s backsides or genitals.
Others include a can of deodorant, a cucumber, a Russian doll – and a carnation.’
‘A man arrested for driving under the influence in West Virginia got himself into a lot more trouble later at the police station.
Jose Cruz was pulled over Monday night on Route 60 in South Charleston for driving with his headlights off. He was subsequently arrested after failing a series of sobriety tests, according to WSAZ TV in Charleston.
During fingerprinting, Cruz then allegedly moved closer to one of the officers and passed gas, the station reported. In the complaint, the investigating officer wrote that police noticed a “very strong” odor.
The alleged stunt led Cruz to be charged with another offense — battery on an officer — in addition to DUI and obstruction, WSAZ reported.’
Mildly amusing sorta thing. 🙂
‘Me: caucasian, white yoga capris and tan tank top
you: Latino, 5’8, in your twenties, sports jersey, short hair, mole on your face.
You might have been following me for a while, Mr. Perv, I don’t know – I was on the phone with my mother, venting about my roommate situation (we had to find a new one) and my job search (like, I need a job), when you snuck up behind me, and gently squeezed my ass. Not just the top of my ass, but kinda low, kinda close to my you-know-what, if you know what I mean.
You know, even my boyfriend needs permission to get that close, so having a perfect stranger attempt access so suddenly, so completely out of the blue, triggered my fight-or-flight response. And I *fight*. [..]’
‘A Cambodian father and mechanic learned the hard way not to inflate children when he inserted an air hose designed to fill car tyres into his five-year-old son’s anus and blew him up, local media reported on Thursday.
The Khmer-language Rasmei Kampuchea daily reported Try Sienghym was “playing” with his son Sok Sambo when the incident took place.
The paper said the child’s stomach became distended and his concerned mother rushed him to hospital, where he remains in a stable condition and is expected to make a full recovery.
“The father very much regrets playing like this now,” the paper quoted a family member as saying.’
‘My bedroom is a converted attic accessed by retractable metal ladders.
I fought my brother for this room at the young age of 12, and being the eldest it really was no contest.
You see at this young age I had already foreseen the benefits of being able to pull the ladders up and shut myself away from the world.
Actually, if I may take this chance to say a few things.
My 15,16,17 and 18 year old would like to thank my 12 yr self for providing the freedom to masturbate at will.
My 19, 20, 21, and 22-year-old self, thank my 12-year-old self for giving me the freedom to shag girlfriends in a fully occupied house.
My 23 yr old self however is less greatful and would have no qualms about kicking my 12 yr old self in his pre pubescent nutsack…..and ill tell you why.’
‘A bullied office worker has been awarded £5,000 after her boss raised his right buttock from his chair and broke wind in her direction.
Humiliated mother-of-three Theresa Bailey, 43, was the only woman on a sales team where “laddish” behaviour made her life a misery, and continued despite complains to senior managers.
After she objected to sexist banter a beach ball was thrown at her head – and when she had problems working her computer was ordered to wear a badge saying “I’m simple”.
Now an employment tribunal has ruled that Mrs Bailey was sexually discriminated against while working for direct marketing firm Selectabase, in Deal, Kent, and awarded her £5,146.’
‘Three cute chicks prank a bunch of people in an elevator using a fart machine.’
(4.5meg Flash video)
see it here »
‘A national dance craze in Ivory Coast has spawned a black market in treatments claiming to increase one’s bottom size.
The dance in question has been inspired by DJ Mix and DJ Eloh’s hit song Bobaraba, which means “big bottom” in the local Djoula language.
When it plays you can be guaranteed that the dance floor will be packed with people shaking their derrieres.
Even Ivorian footballers have adopted the moves and could be seen wiggling their bottoms in a curious on-pitch dance after each goal scored during the just-ended Africa Nations Cup.
However, doctors have warned of the possible dangers of some of the concoctions on sale. ‘
‘My dog makes the stinkiest farts every know to mankind. They have been known to make people run and bugs to pass out. We have managed to trap one of them in a jar and will send it to the highest bidder. If you have a way to get it to Iraq you could possibly end the war or make Bin Lauden come out of hiding!’
‘A construction worker claimed in a lawsuit that when he went to a hospital after being hit on the forehead by a falling wooden beam, emergency room staffers forcibly gave him a rectal examination.
Brian Persaud, 38, says in court papers that after he denied a request by NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital emergency room employees to examine his rectum, he was “assaulted, battered and falsely imprisoned.”
His lawyer, Gerrard M. Marrone, said he and Persaud later learned the exam was one way of determining whether he had suffered spinal damage in the accident.
Marrone said his client got eight stitches for a cut over his eyebrow.
Then, Marrone said, emergency room staffers insisted on examining his rectum and held him down while he begged, “Please don’t do that.” He said Persaud hit a doctor while flailing around and staffers gave him an injection, which knocked him out, and performed the rectal exam.’
‘A father sodomized his 18-year-old stepson to avenge the teenager’s alleged rape of the man’s 8-year-old daughter, police said.
The father, 32, turned himself into to authorities on Friday and was released from jail Saturday after posting a $17,500 bond. He faces a charge of aggravated sexual assault.
The stepson was arrested Jan. 2 and charged with suspicion of aggravated sexual assault. Police say the father caught him assaulting his daughter, and a subsequent examination at a hospital revealed the girl had been sodomized. [..]
“This is a very unique case, but we have a criminal justice system in place, and no one can take the law into their own hands,” Johnson said.’
‘Shinzo Abe would like the world to know that he did not resign last year because of failed policies or election losses. The real reason reason for his resignation was crippling diarrhea that forced him to go to the toilet 30 times a day:
Abe said he has been struck by ulcerative colitis, a bowel illness caused by ulcers, at least once a year since he was 17. [..]
“To mention an indelicate matter, I rushed to the lavatory after having keen abdominal pains and saw the basin all red with tremendous bleeding,” he said.
“Bleeding causes slight anaemia. More than anything else, though, you feel depressed as you see fresh blood every time you go to the toilet,” he said in an article contributed to the major conservative monthly Bungei Shunju.
Abe said the illness usually made him “feel the need to relieve my bowels every 30 minutes.” [..]
“The need to go to the toilet many times a day hampers election and other political activities very much,” he said, adding his wife, Akie, once made a tearful plea to him to quit his political career.’
‘We’re guessing that headline caught your attention! Cow farts are a source of greenhouse gases, while kangaroo farts are methane free thanks to a particular bacteria in their stomachs. Now, in a bizarre twist of science-reality, scientists from Australia are trying to neutralize cow-produced methane by transferring that kangaroo bacteria to cattle and sheep’s guts. According to the government of Queensland, almost 14% of all greenhouse gas emissions from Australia come from cow farts, so this seemingly silly idea could actually make a big difference.’
‘A surgery meant to reverse a colostomy on a Dover man went horribly wrong last year, resulting in fecal mater being discharged from his penis and urine passing through his colon, according to a lawsuit filed in Superior Court.
During the procedure, the suit alleges doctors at Kent General Hospital improperly stapled the colon to the bladder instead of the rectal stump. This left the patient with diarrhea, as well as gas and liquid stool passing from his penis.
The man was taken to Christiana Hospital 12 days later to have the procedure corrected, but not until after much suffering and embarrassment as well as “disfigurement and disability,” the suit claims. It also affected life at home with his wife, who also is suing the three doctors involved in the allegedly botched procedure, Surgical Associates P.A. and Bayhealth Medical Center Inc.’
‘A Perth man has been charged with attempted murder after a 25-year-old man was shot in the buttocks and stomach during an argument over loud music.
Police alleged the younger man was at his Boddington home with friends when a 56-year-old man visiting neighbours began arguing with him about the loud music.
The older man allegedly threatened the residents with a piece of timber before he left and returned with a rifle.’
You won’t like this video. You may vomit from watching it. 🙂 It’s not as bad as the least safe for work video ever, but it’s getting there.
This is very definitely NSFW.
Also, there’s some reaction videos of other people not liking it aswell. 🙂
see it here »
‘Guests at the Berghof, Hitler’s private chalet in the Bavarian Alps, must have endured some unpleasant odors in the otherwise healthful mountain air.
It may sound like a Woody Allen scenario, but medical historians are unanimous that Adolf was the victim of uncontrollable flatulence. Spasmodic stomach cramps, constipation and diarrhea, possibly the result of nervous tension, had been Hitler’s curse since childhood and only grew more severe as he aged. As a stressed-out dictator, the agonizing digestive attacks would occur after most meals: Albert Speer recalled that the Führer, ashen-faced, would leap up from the dinner table and disappear to his room.
[..] Strangely, Hitler was unfazed by the fact that this high-fiber diet was having the opposite effect on his digestion than what he had intended: His private physician, Dr. Theo Morell, recorded in his diary that after Hitler downed a typical vegetable platter, “constipation and colossal flatulence occurred on a scale I have seldom encountered before.”‘
‘Tom Cruise was left furious after a crew member on his latest film set passed wind during a minute’s silence.
The Hollywood actor – who is currently shooting World War II drama Valkyrie in Berlin – had paused filming to honor the anti-Nazi heroes portrayed in the movie when one employee decided to use the tribute to break wind.
Fellow star Christian Berkel – who plays anti-Hitler plotter Albrecht Mertz von Quirbheim – said, “The film’s director Bryan Singer, the screenplay writer Christopher McQuarrie and Tom Cruise asked us all to observe a moment’s silence shortly before we started filming.”
A source on the set told Britain’s Daily Star newspaper, “Fortunately the mystery gassy man didn’t completely ruin the touching gesture. [..]
The silence was filmed and now Cruise and the producers will go through the footage to identify the culprit, who is likely to be fired.’
‘If you’re taking a fat-blocking medication for weight loss, you’ve probably experienced “treatment effects” – flatulence, oily anal discharge, bowel urgency, and liquid stools that are difficult to control. [..]
You shouldn’t have to compromise your freedom in order to lose weight. You shouldn’t have to worry about where the nearest lavatory is, or whether the dark spots will show through your pants if you lose control and soil yourself. You shouldn’t have to stifle a laugh or a sneeze for fear of anal incontinence.
You deserve a better backup plan than the extra change of clothes in your car. Now there’s a simple and effective solution that can allow you to use weight-loss fat blockers while giving you a sense of security and confidence, knowing that you’ll be in control.’
Followup to alli: Miracle diet pill with teeny-tiny side effect and Diet Drug: Lose Weight, Possibly Soil Self.
‘A Gold Coast teenager was struck in the face by a boat propellor when he fell out of a dinghy while baring his buttocks at people on the shore.
The 17-year-old boy from Kanimbla was one of three males travelling in a dinghy along a canal off Huon Street at Broadbeach Waters on the Gold Coast about 4pm (AEST) yesterday.
It is believed all three males stood up to bare their buttocks at a group of people at a waterfront residence, causing the vessel to become unstable, and all three fell overboard, police said. [..]
Another occupant of the boat, a 20-year-old man from Rochedale South, in Brisbane’s south, has been charged with drink driving.’
‘Lick me in the ass!
Let us be glad!
Grumbling is in vain!
Growling, droning is in vain,
is the true bane of life,
Droning is in vain,
Growling, droning is in vain, in vain!
Thus let us be cheerful and merry, be glad!’
‘A North Las Vegas judge has been sacked after telling MySpace readers that his interests include physically beating prosecutors – or words to that effect.
In a post to his public MySpace page, The Associated Press reports, substitute judge Jonathan MacArthur laid out his attitude towards prosecutors using a certain graphic phrase that he claimed was common “among blacks, people who associate with blacks or in a sports context.”
The AP wouldn’t actually quote the phrase and the MySpace page has since been made private, but The Reg can confirm that MacArthur told internet users everywhere that his interests include “breaking my foot off in a prosecutor’s ass” and “improving my ability to break my foot off in a prosecutor’s ass.”
MacArthur is also a criminal defense attorney, but in describing his role as a pro tem judge with the North Las Vegas Justice Court, he said that he was a lot like a substitute teacher in a black choir robe with a disconcerting amount of authority.’
‘It’s four thirty a.m. and the house is asleep.
I. . . am not asleep.
I am crouched in the bathtub in a frog-like stance, small puddles of urine and liquid shit at my feet. I’m leaning forward, gripping the side of the tub and biting my knee, overwhelmed by a mixture of pain and pleasure as I piston a dildo in and out of my ass.
You see, I really love anal masturbation.
Ever try it? No? You should.’
‘A man rammed a pool cue into the rectum of a drunken friend with such force it snapped off, leaving 31 centimetres stuck inside his bowel, the Tasmanian Supreme Court in Hobart has been told.
Roofer Matthew Noel Triffett, 21, who’d previously pleaded guilty to a charge of grievous bodily harm, was given a six-month jail sentence, suspended for two years, and was ordered to perform 140 hours of community service. [..]
He said Triffett had used considerable force to thrust the cue into the man’s anus, including lateral force, because it snapped in two. [..]
In crippling pain, the complainant went home and removed the cue from his rectum.
Unable to tolerate the agony any longer, he went to Royal Hobart Hospital three days later and underwent immediate surgery for a perforated colon.’
‘Vice President Dick Cheney will serve as acting president briefly Saturday while President Bush is anesthetized for a routine colonoscopy, White House spokesman Tony Snow said Friday.
Bush is scheduled to have the medical procedure, expected to take about 2 1/2 hours, at the presidential retreat at Camp David, Maryland, Snow said.
Bush’s last colonoscopy was in June 2002, and no abnormalities were found, Snow said.’
I just like the headline. 🙂
‘Predictably, I slid in with ease. She was a little tense at first, but with an Exxon Valdez size load spilled into her poop chute, she quickly loosened up and got into it. I liked it also; it had a different feel to it. Not as good as vaginal sex, a little grainy, kinda tight, but still very nice.
Before I knew it I was fucking her like the apocalypse was imminent, burying it to the hilt with impunity. After a few minutes I was ready to come. My urgency was expressed in my tempo, and I began really jackhammering her. As the excitement got the best of me, I pulled out too far and my dick came out of her ass. I kinda scrambled to grab my dick and put it back in so I could finish off inside of her, but before I could even get a hold of it and put it back in her ass, I heard a faint “psssst” sound and felt something wet and warm hit my crotch.’
‘This two-year-old pit bull shows no signs of aggression, but it did on Sunday when it apparently sodomized a Lockport toddler. [..]
Lockport Police Detective Captain Larry Eggert said, “A little boy was home with his family, and the family pit bull actually sodomized the boy.”
Eggert told us the boy’s family members and neighbors had to beat the dog to get it off the child.
Schultz: How serious are the child’s injuries?
Eggert: He’s had some surgeries to repair some pretty significant damage.’
‘In response to a minister’s complaint, a judge on Monday temporarily barred bare buttocks billboards that a bidet company had planned to put up in Broadway’s theater district on a building that houses a church.
State Supreme Court Justice Marcy Friedman ordered the temporary restraining order against raising the billboards at the request of the Rev. Neil Rhodes, pastor of the interdenominational Times Square Church.
The billboard ads, featuring naked buttocks with smiley faces, were to promote the Washlet, a bidet-toilet seat that uses warm water and air. They were to go up for 30 days beginning July 1 on two sides of the building at 51st Street and Broadway that houses the Times Square Church, which claims 8,000 members, and its Bible school and day care center.’
Followup to NYC Pastor Objects to Naked Display.
