moonbuggy

British Telecom uses the voice of Tom Baker aka Dr Who for the automated reading of SMS messages. This site has a compilation of lots of amusing sentences said by the synthetic Tom Baker. 🙂

`In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil [..]’

Armageddon!

(570kb mp3)

see it here »

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This is an audio clip of a guy calling his ISP’s billing deparment. He was quoted a price of 0.02 cents per kilobyte for his data, but the ISP thinks 0.02c is equal to $0.02, and no one he speaks to can see any difference between cents and dollars.

More at VerizonMath.

This is allegedly a recording of a 911 call. I don’t know that it’s necessarily real though. 🙂

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`Below is the complete collection of subpoenaed Georgia execution tapes, totaling more than eight hours of audio. These RealAudio files are transfers of the raw, unedited tapes. Some of the tapes begin after the execution has started or end before the procedure has been completed. Any gaps in the files exist on the original tapes themselves.’

A baseball team’s manager goes a bit crazy during a radio interview. He’s got some good information for anyone looking to plant tomatos though.

(4.1meg Windows media)

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Audio clip of some guy messing with a telemarketer.

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Some crazy woman calling up a telemarketer to tell him she’ll have his taxes audited every year and that he’s a rapist. Apparently she’s upset because she has had so many telemarketers calling her it caused her appendix to burst.

(2meg mp3)

‘A British Telcom customer goes absolutely insane on a telemarkter. Wow I know getting calls in the middle of dinner is annoying but I dont think I’ve ever gotten this mad.’

(860kB Windows media)

see it here »

`Hey as performed by Prince

No. 13 Baby as performed by Elvis

Vamos as performed by Jimi Hendrix

Mr. Grieves as performed by Bob Marley

River Euphrates as performed by Tina Turner

Levitate Me as performed by The Beach Boys

Wave Of Mutilation as performed by The Bee Gees

Monkey Gone to Heaven as performed by Frank Sinatra’

‘If you discover a nice Korean woman working at a clock repair shop that struggles with the pronunciation of the word “clock,” what should you do?’

Hilarious. 🙂

(4.0meg Flash video)

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This is fucken hilarious.

(1.4meg Windows media, audio only)

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‘A man who neighbors say was devoted to his meticulously kept lawn is charged with murder in the shooting of a 15-year-old boy who apparently walked across his yard.

Charles Martin, 66, of Union Township, near this city about 20 miles east of Cincinnati, shot next-door neighbor Larry Mugrage in the chest with a shotgun around 3:30 p.m. Sunday, police said. The youth was pronounced dead at a hospital. [..]

Martin called 911 on Sunday, saying in a calm voice: “I just killed a kid.”

He also tells the dispatcher: “It’s been going on for five years … I’ve been harassed by him and his parents for five years. Today just blew it up.”‘

Update: now with 911 call audio and video.

(1.5meg Flash video)

see it here »

Mashup of The Beatles and The Beastie Boys.

Kinda interesting if you like both of those bands. If you don’t, then maybe not so interesting. 🙂

`This popular music album was written by Ron to communicate what Scientology is and what it can do. Ron created the music and lyrics and sings the final song himself! Songs include title song, Laugh a Little, The Way to Happiness, The ARC Song, The Evil Purpose, Make It Go Right, The Worried Being, The Good Go Free, Why Worship Death? and Thank You For Listening. This is an aesthetic presentation and a powerful dissemination tool.’

Amusing story about the differences between Christmas in America and Europe.

(14.8meg mp3)

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‘At last the definitive collection of Alan Jones blooper tapes. These insights in Alan’s workplace behaviour are taken from his time working at Sydney radio station 2UE in the 1990s. They were leaked to us by an anonymous source.

They show a side of Alan you don’t normally see in public life. He swears. He chucks tantrums. He reviews films. He complains about dust in the studios.’

If you don’t know who Alan Jones is, this photo will help:

`[..] the RIAA’s contact information is just buried. Now, they’ve been fighting vigorously to uncover file-swappers’ addresses and phone numbers, developing tracking codes that can be embedded within MP3 files. And yet, they have an unlisted phone number. Paging Dr. Irony. There is a phone call for Dr. Irony.

It took hours of searching before I finally found a phone number and was able to get through to someone. I spoke with a young, mild-mannered executive who patiently answered my questions, which I delivered in my best “dumb guy” voice.’

Kinda amusing. Would be better if there was audio, especially of this bit:

`JH: A penis?

RIAA: [Long pause] What?

JH: You asked if my service provider told me I have a penis?’

see it here »

`Lebianism ’bout to take over our comminuty .. I’m talkin’ about YOUNG GIRLS!

My son in high school last year, trying to go to the prom, he said “Dad, I ain’t got nobody to take to the prom because all the girls in my class are gay, and ain’t but two of them straight and both of dem ugly.”‘

And it gets so much better. 🙂

`Anytime somebody gotta slap some grease on your behind dere’s somethin’ wrong wid dat. YOUR BUTT AIN’T MADE FOR DAT! [..]

No wonder yo behind is bleedin’!’

(740k mp3)

see it here »

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`Whoa, I’m no kin to the monkey, no no no.. The monkeys no kin to me yayaya..’

Well, I’m convinced. Evolution must be wrong if they can write such a catchy song about it.

(1.9meg .mp3)

Prank phone call.

(1.8meg .mp3)

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‘This is a great prank call made using clips from A Few Good Men. The lady being pranked really gets worked up.’

(1.1meg .mp3)

see it here »

`When Darth Vader decided to take over the universe, he decided he needed a really big gun…. a really very big gun indeed, a gun so big it could destroy an entire planet in a single shot. With this in mind he built the Death Star, witnesses at the time often confused it with a small moon, so you get some idea of it’s size… and colour.

In my batchelor days I decided I needed a subwoofer for my lounge, a subwoofer so powerful it could loosen fillings, shake out the colesteral from my arteries and generally make a lot of noise. It seemed to me that the Death Star, ignoring the weakness that ultimately lead to it’s complete destruction, was a pretty good design… so I made my own (with a lot of help from my then housemate).

I’m no longer a batchelor, I no longer live in a detached house in the middle of nowhere, so the subwoofer is offered here for sale.’

Construction pictures here.

‘It was in late December 2004 when New York-based comedian Eugene Mirman first received a phone-call from a nonprofit organization called “Faith, Family and Freedom,” asking if he opposed gay marriage and then offering to switch his long-distance service to a “Christian-based telephone carrier” identified as United American Technologies out of Oklahoma. [..]

After the call reaches a person they are prompted to press “1” if they oppose gay marriage. A holding message says “Please do not hang up … This information will describe how the ACLU and gays are getting gay marriage in every state.” The operator then enters the conversation:

Operator: Did you press 1 to oppose same sex marriages?
Mr. Mirman: Oh, I pressed it, yes.
Operator: Okay, that’s great to hear. And are you against same sex marriages?
Mr. Mirman: Well, I want to destroy it, yes.
Operator: Okay. That’s great to hear… –
Mr. Mirman: Like the fist of God we will smash them!
Operator: Exactly.’

mp3s of the recorded conversations. Worth a listen.

(300k .mp3)

see it here »

‘The waters comin’ through me fucken ceiling, you fucken arseholes!’

see it here »

`The funniest story he had was when an operations manager was late for a meeting and called his boss to tell him he was running late. As he was leaving the voice mail message, he witnessed an accident and went on to provide ‘play by play’ of the incident. After telling them the story, he promised to send them a copy of the voice mail and here it is. This is the actual voice mail message. It was passed along and forwarded so many times within Jack in the Box, it crashed their voice mail server.’

(1.5meg .mp3)

`I stumbled across a web page that had tons of prank phone calls to the IP Relay service. The IP Relay Service is a service designed to help people that are deaf or hard of hearing. It allows them to send text messages to the service and have operators, place a call to the desired party and then read the message to them.

While a very handy service, some people take advantage of it and use it for pranks phone calls. Normally, I would say this is a bad thing. However, if it weren’t for these prank calls, we would never know about “Operator 7624”. Unfortunately, all we know is that she is female, has a good sense of humor, and has a very hot voice!’

`Audio data collected by the Huygens Atmospheric Structure Instrument (HASI), which includes an acoustic sensor, during Huygens’ descent, 14 January 2005.’

`To win an Eminem competition people had to ring up someone they know and make them “Just Lose it” then they could ring the person back and tell them it was a joke. This is a girl ringing her dad who is a crazy Canterbury farmer.’