moonbuggy

‘Where the beef?’

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‘The craze for bottled water and energy drinks has reached new heights. An Albuquerque, New Mexico company has created specialized drinks made from ingredients that have been flown to space. Microgravity Enterprises, Inc. (MEI) says the demand for their drinks has grown and they are expanding their distribution base.

Antimatter(TM) Energy Drink and Space2O(TM) Purified Water include ingredients that have been launched on board suborbital UP Aerospace rockets. Successful launches of the ingredients occurred in April and June of 2007 at Spaceport America in New Mexico. Antimatter(TM) includes numerous vitamin additives and energy extracts, while Space2O(TM) has special spaceflown electrolytes. Previously, the drinks were only available in the Albuquerque area, but MEI is now expanding distribution to include more cities in New Mexico, West Texas, Maryland, Virginia, as well as the District of Columbia. The products are also available online.’

Waste of rocket fuel, really. I should start selling sub-orbital dildos to yo momma.

‘I used to be in the Navy, stationed on an Aegis-class guided-missile cruiser. One day at sea, I’m taking a break on the flight deck (which was just behind the rear Aegis radar array), and I noticed all these dead birds all over the flight deck. It didn’t take me too long to realize that these birds had flown in front of the radar and been microwaved to death.

This gave me an idea. I figured if it works on birds, it should work on popcorn. A microwave’s a microwave, right? So, the next time we pull into port, I go to get some microwave popcorn.’

‘An Oklahoma man was arrested after police say he stabbed another man in the neck with a pork chop bone during a food fight.

Police in Ardmore, Oklahoma responded to call of a fight outside a local business New Year’s day. When they arrived, they found the victim covered in blood with a puncture wound to his neck.

Police arrested the suspect, 38-year-old Tony Willis a few block from the crime scene. According to authorities, Willis had blood on his clothes and they found the bone used in the attack.’

‘A New Zealand woman who pulled apart a Christmas cracker got more than the party hat and joke she had expected, finding a dead mouse.

Betty Lawrence, a grandmother from the South Island city of Invercargill, made the discovery sitting down to Christmas dinner with 20 relatives, The Southland Times newspaper reported.

“I had said to my granddaughter ‘what’s the smell’ and we couldn’t work it out until we pulled the cracker,” Lawrence told the newspaper, after finding a dead and partially decomposed mouse.

The discovery curbed her enthusiasm for the Christmas meal.’

‘If you are groggy or stoned please do not read this, I need your complete and sober attention, for my request is uniquely detailed. I am a man, 35, white, black hair with brown eyes. Okay, first what I am looking for is a woman primary, but secondary it could be a woman and her man, but the man will have to remain behind the black curtain and only watch through the cut out eyeholes. The black curtain is inside the apartment that I reside in. This apartment is a fashionable studio in the hot part of town, and all my neighbors are graphic artists. So now please kindly listen to my request: what I require foremost in a woman with bushy eyebrows. And they must be TWO eyebrows, because one eyebrow is an abonination against Gaia. [..]’

‘Pilgrims were flocking to the Hampshire town of Basingstoke today after a local woman claimed to have seen a vision of a piece of toast on a picture of the Virgin Mary at her local church. Betty Tilley, 42, was praying silently at the Sacred Heart Catholic church when she looked up to see a ray of light slanting in through the window, illuminating a reproduction painting of the Virgin Mary and as she moved closer she was amazed by what she saw.

‘There’s just no question in my mind that it was a miracle. Right there, on the face of the Holy Mary, Mother of God, I could see a nice piece of toasted sliced white bread. The amazing thing is that it was just like the one I had had for breakfast, so clearly this must be some kind of message from God.’’

‘A 24-year-old American man is suing a Burger King restaurant – claiming he found a condom in his Whopper.

Van Miguel Hartless alleges he bit into the burger and found the unwrapped contraceptive under a piece of lettuce.

“My third bite into the burger, it was just a foreign taste,” he said. “It was a very sour, bitter sort of taste. It almost had a numbing sensation.

“As I went to bite down a little harder, I felt a rubber grind in between my teeth. I saw it half in my mouth, half hanging out.

“It was an immediate sick-to-my-stomach type of thing.”‘

‘A man being held in a Dutch police cell on suspicion of growing cannabis got an unintended treat in his lunch — a piece of hashish-laced cake, a spokesman said Thursday.

“It was an accident,” said Alwin Don, police spokesman in the southern province of Zeeland.

The hash cake had earlier been seized by police in an unrelated investigation and stored in a refrigerator — close to lunch packets served to suspects being held in cells at the police station in Goes, 110 miles south of Amsterdam.

“Clearly it looked a lot like the other lunch packets,” Don said of the hash cake, which was served with a cup of coffee on Sunday.

“Officers returned to the cell a half hour later and the suspect told them: ‘I think you’ve given me something you weren’t supposed to,'” Don said.’

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‘On the slaughterhouse floor at Quality Pork Processors Inc. is an area known as the “head table,” but not because it is the place of honor. It is where workers cut up pigs’ heads and then shoot compressed air into the skulls until the brains come spilling out.

But now the grisly practice has come under suspicion from health authorities.

Over eight months from last December through July, 11 workers at the plant in Austin, Minn. — all of them employed at the head table — developed numbness, tingling or other neurological symptoms, and some scientists suspect inhaled airborne brain matter may have somehow triggered the illnesses.

The use of compressed air to remove pig brains was suspended at Quality Pork earlier this week while authorities try to get to the bottom of the mystery. [..]

Five of the workers — including Kruse, who has been told she may never work again — have been diagnosed with chronic inflammatory demyelinating polyneuropathy, or CIDP, a rare immune disorder that attacks the nerves and produces tingling, numbness and weakness in the arms and legs, sometimes causing lasting damage.’

‘Sophisticated scans have revealed the eating disorder anorexia is linked to specific patterns of brain activity.

Even young women recovering from anorexia who have maintained a healthy weight for over a year had vastly different brain activity patterns.

The findings in the American Journal of Psychiatry point to a brain region linked to anxiety and perfectionism.’

‘A man is caught, by a forest ranger, sitting at a makeshift campfire, and to the ranger’s horror, eating a bald eagle. The man is consequently put in jail for the crime. On the day of his trail, the conversation went something like this:

JUDGE: “Do you know that eating a bald eagle is a federal offense?”

MAN: “Yes I do. But if you let me argue my case, I’ll explain what happened.”

JUDGE: “Proceed.”

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‘British supermarkets are selling beer at prices cheaper than water and soft drinks, with cans sold for as little as 50 cents.

Supermarkets were stocking shelves with beer priced so low they were actually losing money, the Mail on Sunday reported.

Experts estimated that the supermarkets were losing up to 18c per can through excise and production costs, the newspaper said.

Many of the major supermarkets were now selling beer for just 50 pence ($1.15) a litre. The same supermarkets sell mineral water for 56p-92p a litre.

Own-brand cola sells for 56p-65p.

The British health department has commissioned an independent review of alcohol pricing and promotion and has not ruled out changing regulations.’

You won’t like this video. You may vomit from watching it. 🙂 It’s not as bad as the least safe for work video ever, but it’s getting there.

This is very definitely NSFW.

Also, there’s some reaction videos of other people not liking it aswell. 🙂

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‘Like Hansel and Gretel hoping to follow their bread crumbs out of the forest, the FBI sifted through customer data collected by San Francisco-area grocery stores in 2005 and 2006, hoping that sales records of Middle Eastern food would lead to Iranian terrorists.

The idea was that a spike in, say, falafel sales, combined with other data, would lead to Iranian secret agents in the south San Francisco-San Jose area.

The brainchild of top FBI counterterrorism officials Phil Mudd and Willie T. Hulon, according to well-informed sources, the project didn’t last long. It was torpedoed by the head of the FBI’s criminal investigations division, Michael A. Mason, who argued that putting somebody on a terrorist list for what they ate was ridiculous — and possibly illegal.

A check of federal court records in California did not reveal any prosecutions developed from falafel trails.’

‘Got some leftover drugs — the kind that someone else might want to use, such as painkillers or stimulants? Wrap them up in used kitty litter or other pet droppings, the government advises.

A pilot program at the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration is looking at ways people can safely dispose of unused prescription drugs that are liable to be abused. [..]

Of course some people do not drink coffee. But maybe they have a pet ferret.

“Ferret waste, like nearly any other form of pet waste, can be effectively used to help prevent the abuse of unused prescription drugs,” SAMHSA spokesman Mark Weber said.

This news delighted the American Ferret Association.’

‘Two students at Southern Illinois University in this St. Louis suburb kidnapped, paddled and burned a young man with freshly baked cookies after a drug deal went bad, prosecutors said. [..]

Sheriff’s Capt. Brad Wells said that Friday night, three men went to James’ house to buy marijuana, but two of them grabbed the drugs and fled, leaving the third behind. The suspects held that man, who is in his late teens, and told him he needed to find $400 for the drugs, Wells said.

The suspects beat the man with a wooden paddle, burned his neck and shoulders with cookies immediately after taking them from the oven, shaved off some of his hair and poured urine over him from a soda bottle, Wells said.’

‘A Scottish woman has avoided a prison sentence after she admitted putting dog excrement in her husband’s curry.

Jill Martin, 47, took drastic action after her marriage broke down and burst out laughing when her husband Donald started eating the dish at their home in Newton Mearns, Glasgow, Paisley Sheriff Court in central Scotland heard.

She admitted culpable and reckless conduct in May following the incident in March.

But Sheriff Susan Sinclair said that she would not send her to jail because her circumstances are “quite different” than at the time of the attack. She was discharged without punishment.’

Followup to Wife put excrement in man’s curry.

‘Doctors have long argued about the health effects of coffee, but its reputation seems likely to receive a boost thanks to a flavoured condom that aims to encourage safer sex in Ethiopia.

Around 300,000 of the coffee condoms were sold in a week when they were launched in September, according to the US charity DKT International.

It hopes to tap into Ethiopia’s coffee mania as a means to tackle high rates of HIV in the country, which is said to have invented the drink.

The charity said that with 2.1% of Ethiopians infected with Aids – and more than 7% in the capital, Addis Ababa – the flavoured prophylactic was more than a novelty. “Everybody likes the flavour of coffee,” said a spokeswoman.’

This is a few weeks old, but I’ve decided to archive it for posterity. 🙂

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‘Guests at the Berghof, Hitler’s private chalet in the Bavarian Alps, must have endured some unpleasant odors in the otherwise healthful mountain air.

It may sound like a Woody Allen scenario, but medical historians are unanimous that Adolf was the victim of uncontrollable flatulence. Spasmodic stomach cramps, constipation and diarrhea, possibly the result of nervous tension, had been Hitler’s curse since childhood and only grew more severe as he aged. As a stressed-out dictator, the agonizing digestive attacks would occur after most meals: Albert Speer recalled that the Führer, ashen-faced, would leap up from the dinner table and disappear to his room.

[..] Strangely, Hitler was unfazed by the fact that this high-fiber diet was having the opposite effect on his digestion than what he had intended: His private physician, Dr. Theo Morell, recorded in his diary that after Hitler downed a typical vegetable platter, “constipation and colossal flatulence occurred on a scale I have seldom encountered before.”‘

‘A man who has proudly showed off his tattoo for 26 years was baffled to realise it actually spelt Coca-Cola.

Vince Mattingley had his name tattooed on his chest in Chinese writing after asking staff at his favourite restaurant to write his name in Chinese symbols.

But a waiter drew the Coke words – and Vince had it etched on his chest.

Vince only realised the mistake when he recently travelled to Thailand and a barman asked him why he had Coca-Cola written on his chest, reports The Sun.’

‘Police in the German city of Stuttgart have been called to round up an unusual group of runaways: crayfish.

The freshwater crustaceans, which resemble lobsters, escaped from an Asian restaurant and made a run, erm, scuttle for it.

The escape attempt was noticed by a pedestrian who notified authorities.

Apparently the crayfish had squeezed through gaps in the grating at the top of the tanks and scuttled out the front door.’

‘Eating garlic is one of the best ways to lower high blood pressure and protect yourself from cardiovascular disease. A new study from the University of Alabama at Birmingham (UAB) shows this protective effect is closely linked to how much hydrogen sulfide (H2S) is produced from garlic compounds interacting with red blood cells.

The UAB researchers found this interaction triggered red blood cells to release H2S, which then led to the relaxation of blood vessels. Fresh garlic was used at a concentration equal to eating two cloves. The resulting H2S production caused up to 72 percent vessel relaxation in rat arteries.

This relaxation is a first step in lowering blood pressure and gaining the heart-protective effects of garlic, said David Kraus, Ph.D., a UAB associate professor in the Departments of Environmental Health Sciences and Biology and the study’s lead author.’

<+Shooree> I need advice
<+Nebuduck> I can advise you!!!
<+Nebuduck> here’s my advice
<+Nebuduck> drink asparagus soup
<+Nebuduck> it’ll put hair s on your chest
<+Nebuduck> </advice>

‘A town in southern Spain on Saturday tossed what local officials said was the world’s largest salad, involving 6,700 kilograms (14,740 pounds) of lettuce, tomato, onion, pepper and olives.

It took 20 cooks over three hours to mix all the ingredients needed to make the salad in the town of Pulpi in the province of Almeria, one of Spain’s main fruit and vegetable growing areas.

“Excellent coordination since the beginning made it possible to meet this challenge,” said Lorenzo Navarro, the head of the Association of Businessmen and Storekeepers of Pulpi which organized the event with the town hall.’

‘According to Brook Park police, a couple of pranksters could face felony charges after spraying “Fart Spray” into a local restaurant.

Two men pulled up to the drive-thru window at the Rally’s on Snow Road in Cleveland and sprayed a bottle of the offensive product.

The manager of the restaurant wasn’t sure what the substance was.

As a precaution, he threw away more than $1,000 worth of food, and three of his employees wound up going to the Southwest Medical Center to be checked out.’

‘They may have committed a high crime, but a former Dearborn cop and his wife are only going to be charged with a misdemeanor for allegedly smoking pot in Dearborn Heights.

Edward Sanchez, 30, and his wife, Stacy, 27, are expected to turn themselves in for arraignment on one charge each of using marijuana, according assistant Wayne County Prosecutor Maria Miller.

On April 21, 2006, Sanchez, who lives in Dearborn Heights, called 911 in a panic after he and his wife ate brownies laced with marijuana he said he took from criminal suspects.

Dearborn police allowed Sanchez to resign from his job on May 23, 2006, even though investigators said he admitted to taking the marijuana from his police car and using it to make the brownies. Dearborn police reports the Free Press obtained said Sanchez told investigators he planned to use the marijuana to train his police dog.’

Followup to Cop Avoids Charge for Pot Brownies.