moonbuggy

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‘Spain’s King Juan Carlos told Venezuelan leader Hugo Chavez to “shut up” as the Ibero-American summit drew to a close in Santiago, Chile.

The outburst came after Mr Chavez called former Spanish Prime Minister Jose Maria Aznar a “fascist”.

Mr Chavez then interrupted Spanish PM Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero’s calls for him to be more diplomatic, prompting the king’s outburst. [..]

Mr Chavez repeatedly tried to interrupt, despite his microphone being turned off. The king leaned forward and said: “Why don’t you shut up?”

According to reports, the king used a familiar term normally used only for close acquaintances – or children.’

‘Car hoons will be penalised and humiliated under a NSW government initiative to wreck the vehicles of offenders and publish video footage of the destruction.

Premier Morris Iemma says the plan proposes to destroy hoons’ cars in demonstration tests under controlled conditions.

“Car hoons engage in potentially lethal, property destroying, anti-social behaviour,” Mr Iemma said in a statement today.

“We’re turning the tables. We’ll destroy their property – but do it for the right reasons.”‘

You won’t like this video. You may vomit from watching it. 🙂 It’s not as bad as the least safe for work video ever, but it’s getting there.

This is very definitely NSFW.

Also, there’s some reaction videos of other people not liking it aswell. 🙂

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This fellow apparently won a competition to let him audition in a recording studio. He does a good job. 🙂

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‘5/13/90

To Sybil,

Lamentably, I killed your cat while trying just to sting it. It was crouched, as usual, under one of our bird feeders & I fired from some distance with bird shot. It may ease your grief somewhat to know that the cat was buried properly with a prayer & that I’ll be glad to get you another of your choice.

I called & came by your house several times. We will be in the Dominican Republic until Thursday. I’ll see you then.

Love, Jimmy’

‘A woman was knocked out during a shopping centre appearance by Prime Minister John Howard in west Sydney today.

Mr Howard was walking through the food court of the Penrith Plaza shopping centre when the woman was knocked to the ground and hit her head in the crush of people.

A member of Mr Howard’s security team and local police stayed with the woman until she regained consciousness a few seconds later.

She was led, crying and rubbing her head, to a nearby store.

Earlier, a 29-year-old man was spoken to by police after he declined to shake the Prime Minister’s hand.

The man, identified only as Alex, put his hand out as Mr Howard approached him but then whipped his hand away.

“I’m not a fan,” he said later.’

‘Most parents like to pull out all the stops to make a child’s 16th birthday as memorable as possible.

But having a female stripper surprise your son in front of his teacher in class would not feature on many wish-lists.

Yet that’s what happened when one woman booked a special performer for her son’s big day.

She stipulated that the surprise take place in drama class – and even asked the teacher to film it so the family could see the boy’s reaction.

But – thanks to what has been put down as a booking error – a female stripper turned up in place of the gorilla-suited man the unnamed mother had apparently asked for.

The stripper, who arrived on cue halfway through the lesson, first walked the birthday boy around the classroom on all fours.

Then, gyrating to the sounds of Britney Spears, she spanked him before stripping down to her bra and knickers and insisting the “naughty” schoolboy rub cream all over her body. [..]

“To be fair to the teacher, you could tell she was just stunned – and when the cream came out she told the stripper: ‘That’s it. That’s enough’.”‘

‘A definite integral walks [in] and orders 10 shots of whiskey. “You sure about that, buddy?” “Yeah, I know my limits.” [..]

sin(x) walks into a bar and asks for drink. The barman declines: “We don’t cater for functions.” [..]

A neutron walks into a bar. “How much for a beer?” “For you? No charge.”‘

Tigers are funny animals. 🙂

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‘Duct tape thin fishing line at around head height and watch your unsuspecting roommates make fools of themselves.’

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‘It was supposed to be 14 feet high and topped with razor wire. It was also supposed to send a message to Washington that if the government wouldn’t seal off the southern border, volunteers could.

Almost two years later, the reality is a five-strand barbed-wire barrier that ranchers dismiss as a mere cattle fence. [..]

On the Minuteman Web site and in e-mails to members, Simcox asked for donations while making big promises, including a vow to build a fence along the border. It was not just any fence; it was to be 2,000 miles of state-of-the-art fencing at a cost of $55 million.

Simcox described it as “our high-tech, double-layered gauntlet of deterrent.”

The fence was described on the Minuteman Web site as 14 feet high, with security cameras and sensors, topped with razor wire and flanked by ditches to stop vehicles. Simcox referred to it as an “Israeli-style” fence, similar to the barrier Israel has erected to keep Palestinians from crossing from the West Bank.’

He may have good dexterity in his fingers, but he appears to be some sort of idiot regardless. 🙂

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And he’s terrified.

Ach du Scheisse! 🙂

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‘When 80-year-old Thomas Ward, a former city councilman and retired Baltimore Circuit Court judge, heard someone hollering “Police! Police!” while he took a walk the other day near his home in Bolton Hill, he didn’t flinch.

Glancing across the street, Ward said, he saw a man trying to get out of a fenced yard behind a house on West Lafayette Avenue.

“I know the people in that house,” the judge said. “It wasn’t his.”

As the man – about 6 feet tall and burly, and much younger than Ward – began clambering over the 8-foot fence, Ward recalls running up to him and saying, “Come on, baby, you’re all mine.”‘

‘A fourth grade Oakville student has been expelled from a Waterbury school for bringing a toy gnu onto the property. The action falls under the school district’s ‘zero tolerance’ policy, according to administrators. Officials believe the student, who is dyslexic, tried to intentionally break the policy.

“We’re convinced he intended to bring a toy gun.” said Meredith Simmons, Principal of Waterbury Elementary. “His reading disability may have confused him about what is prohibited in the policy, but we can’t take any chances. That’s why it’s called zero tolerance.”

The expulsion received full approval from the superintendent’s office. “We support Principal Simmons’ decision.” said Milton Decker, Assistant Superintendent. “The toy gnu may seem harmless, but we can’t ignore the underlying intent. I seriously doubt any of our students even know what a gnu is.”‘

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This is a few weeks old, but I’ve decided to archive it for posterity. 🙂

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It’s usually a good idea to close the doors of your car when it’s in motion.

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‘Guests at the Berghof, Hitler’s private chalet in the Bavarian Alps, must have endured some unpleasant odors in the otherwise healthful mountain air.

It may sound like a Woody Allen scenario, but medical historians are unanimous that Adolf was the victim of uncontrollable flatulence. Spasmodic stomach cramps, constipation and diarrhea, possibly the result of nervous tension, had been Hitler’s curse since childhood and only grew more severe as he aged. As a stressed-out dictator, the agonizing digestive attacks would occur after most meals: Albert Speer recalled that the Führer, ashen-faced, would leap up from the dinner table and disappear to his room.

[..] Strangely, Hitler was unfazed by the fact that this high-fiber diet was having the opposite effect on his digestion than what he had intended: His private physician, Dr. Theo Morell, recorded in his diary that after Hitler downed a typical vegetable platter, “constipation and colossal flatulence occurred on a scale I have seldom encountered before.”‘

‘A lottery scratchcard has been withdrawn from sale by Camelot – because players couldn’t understand it. [..]

To qualify for a prize, users had to scratch away a window to reveal a temperature lower than the figure displayed on each card. As the game had a winter theme, the temperature was usually below freezing.

But the concept of comparing negative numbers proved too difficult for some Camelot received dozens of complaints on the first day from players who could not understand how, for example, -5 is higher than -6. [..]

The 23-year-old, who said she had left school without a maths GCSE, said: “On one of my cards it said I had to find temperatures lower than -8. The numbers I uncovered were -6 and -7 so I thought I had won, and so did the woman in the shop. But when she scanned the card the machine said I hadn’t.

“I phoned Camelot and they fobbed me off with some story that -6 is higher – not lower – than -8 but I’m not having it. [..]’

A cop asks the important questions whilst frisking a man on the street.

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There’s now more than 5,000 images on the image site. Hooray for arbitrary large, round numbers.

The image stats are now a little more advanced now and there’s a few new features on the image pages too. Nothing too exciting tho. 🙂

It’s still taking my time away from this site as I make some improvements to the code behind the scenes. I’m also working on a new site which hopefully should be by up the end of the year. More details to follow.

Fun stuff. 🙂

If you’re the worlds fastest speed walker and a group of samurai charges at you whilst you’re training, do you walk away or do you run?

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‘<third_planet> The other night my friend had some pot and wanted me to smoke it with him, but we had nowhere to smoke it because both our parents were home.
<third-planet> So we drove around looking for a place to park so we could smoke in the car.
<third-planet> We eventually settled on a Wendys parking lot..

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‘Space is limited
In a haiku, so it’s hard
To finish what you’

‘Passengers on a German train mistook a Halloween reveller dressed up as a gore-covered zombie for a murder victim and called the police.

The 24-year-old man fell into a drunken slumber on his way home from a Halloween party in Hamburg, police in the northern town of Bad Segeberg said on Monday.

Believing his hands and face were smeared with blood, passengers alerted police after getting no response from him. [..]

“Bad Segeberg is in a rural area and Halloween isn’t very well known there,” police spokeswoman Silke Tobies said. “So people weren’t expecting anyone to be dressed up in the train.”‘

‘English: Oh my god! There’s an axe in my head.
Bosnian: boje moj! sjekira mi je u glavi.
French: Mon dieu! Il y a une hache dans ma tete.
Visigothic: Meina guth, Ikgastaldan aqizi-wunds meina haubida
Swedish: Ah, Herregud! Jag har en yxa i huvudet!
Dutch: O, mijn God! Er zit een bijl in mijn hoofd.
Latin: Deus Meus! Securis in capite meo est. [..]’