moonbuggy

I don’t know that I’ve seen the Top Gear crew flee for their lives very often. 🙂

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‘All in all, it hadn’t been a good day. Bad traffic, a malfunctioning computer, incompetent coworkers and a sore back all made me a seething cauldron of rage. But more importantly for this story, it had been over forty-eight hours since I’d last taken a dump. I’d tried to jumpstart the process, beginning my day with a bowl of bowel-cleansing fiber cereal, following it with six cups of coffee at work, and adding a bean-laden lunch at Taco Bell. As I was returning home from work, my insides let me know with subtle rumbles and the emission of the occasional tiny fart that Big Things would be happening soon.’

‘One of the Jackass nutballs pretends to be retarded and eats a pigeon in front of some folks on the street.’

This is apparently a deleted scene from one of the movies.

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‘Former Australian Rules star Warwick Capper is now the star of an X-rated porn film.

The 44-year-old former high-flying Sydney Swan appears in the film with his 25-year-old girlfriend Kristy, News Limited newspapers say.

The 69-minute film has been bought by a Melbourne distributor and could feature on an American website and make up to $1 million, News Limited says.

A confessed sex icon, Capper says it is every man’s fantasy to star in a porn movie.

“I’ve had a lot of practice being a sex symbol, so if you’ve got it, flaunt it,” Capper said.

“I’ve done everything else, so it’s something a bit different. It’s every man’s fantasy.

“I think I’m Australia’s answer to Paris Hilton. Someone also said I’m like David Beckham.

“I’m a good looking footballer with the same quick wit.”‘

Followup [kinda 🙂 ] to Former AFL star to run for mayor.

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Hackers on steroids. 🙂

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Not just one roof, two really. 🙂

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‘Some goofy drunk dude stands on top of an 18 foot ladder and wants to jump off into a covered pool but ends up slipping off and landing head first onto the concrete deck.’

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‘You know, these days with shows like Lost, Heroes, and Battlestar Galactica, it’s easy to forget how bad we used to have it on television when it came to sci-fi shows. Sure, we remember the Star Treks, the Fireflys, the Babylon 5s, and so on, that managed to crawl their way into our hearts…but lest we forget – Forever Geek is here to remind you just how lucky we are these days. Sci-Fi on TV used to be BAD…real bad.

With that said, we present to you the 10 WORST Sci-Fi Shows of all time. Complete with video of each horrible, horrible, television mistake.’

‘A weightlifter is trying to pump himself up before he maxes out so he decides to headbutt the weights and it ends up knocking him out cold.’

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I had a friend do a very similar thing once with a chair and a fence. Nearly broke his face with the chair.

It was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. 🙂

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‘This guy calls the front desk of a hotel in Atlanta and complains that he is under attack by Jewish Ninjas.’

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‘A Wisconsin man whose blend of awkward syntax, imminent disaster and bathroom humor offends both good taste and the English language won an annual contest Monday that salutes bad writing.

Jim Gleeson, 47, of Madison, Wis., beat out thousands of other prose manglers in San Jose State University’s 2007 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest with this convoluted opening sentence to a nonexistent novel:

“Gerald began – but was interrupted by a piercing whistle which cost him ten percent of his hearing permanently, as it did everyone else in a ten-mile radius of the eruption, not that it mattered much because for them ‘permanently’ meant the next ten minutes or so until buried by searing lava or suffocated by choking ash – to pee,” Gleeson wrote.’

‘Images captured by a surveillance camera inside the store show the woman lose her footing in one of the aisles and take a nasty fall. A store worker comes to her aid and helps her up. The woman then loses her footing again and falls to the floor.

But store manager Luis Diaz noted there was something strange about the ‘accident’ after viewing the tape.

Diaz decided to do a little investigating on his own and rewound the surveillance tape back even more, and what he found surprised him. On the tape, the same woman, in the same aisle, minutes before her ‘slip and fall’ accident. On the tape, the woman appears to be trying to open a bottle of olive oil unsuccessfully. The woman puts it back on the shelf, leaves the aisle only to return a few moments later and pick up a new bottle. The tape shows her opening this bottle and pouring some of the oil onto the floor, then she puts the bottle back on the shelf and leaves the aisle.’

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How does Kevin Smith respond to the question “Do you ever plan on making an original movie without rehashing any of your old characters that doesn’t suck?” .. Hilariously. 🙂

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‘It was a night like any other – people inviting us out to a steakhouse. We get there, we are seated in a private room. All was well. Niceties aside, we prepare to order. I ask my wife what I should get. She says, “Go ahead and look at the menu – it’s in English.”

“Oh Really?”‘

Here’s a collection of funny stories by emergency physicians and the like. Quite a lot of them. Also, more in part 2.

I’ve chewed up a whole day reading through these. Good way to kill some time. 🙂

Followup to Nee Naw – Blog of a Dispatcher in the London Ambulance Service’s Control Room.

Coach, it’s the wrong ball!

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‘A shocking onfrontation between a Melbourne Catholic priest and a group of trespassing skateboarders has led to calls for the clergyman to have anger management counselling.

The ugly footage, which was posted on a social networking site about a year ago, shows Reverend Monsignor Geoffrey Baron, Dean of St Patrick’s Cathedral, chasing off a group of skateboarders while both sides exchange obscene and racist insults.’

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‘Watch the guy in the light blue shirt, as the mini merry go round twirls faster and faster he begins to slowly pass out until he flat out loses consciousness and becomes dead weight.’

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‘1. Dumb as a limestone brick: Indiana’s misguided bid for tourists

The great idea: Turn a small Midwestern town into a tourist mecca for lovers of limestone block.

The great big problem: Limestone block is not as big a draw as you might think.

Cost to taxpayers: $700,000

Despite being the undisputed “Limestone Capital of the World,” Bedford, Indiana, always had a hard time figuring out how to parlay its claim to fame into a thriving tourism industry. That is, until Bedford Chamber of Commerce member Merle Edington came up with a brilliant plan.

In the late 1970s, Edington proposed that Bedford build a Disney-style theme park. But, instead of cartoon characters, the park’s main attraction would be limestone, featuring a 95-foot-high replica of the Great Pyramid of Cheops built out of (you guessed it) local limestone blocks.

And, on the off chance that a scale model of one world wonder wouldn’t be exciting enough, Edington added plans for an 800-foot-long replica of the Great Wall of China.

While the power of limestone over the vacationing public is debatable, Edington convinced the Commerce Department’s Economic Development Administration to believe in his dream — to the tune of $700,000.

Unfortunately, those funds dried up quickly, thanks to Wisconsin senator William Proxmire (famous for his “Golden Fleece Awards” ridiculing government waste), who called attention to the project. The town was left deep in debt, unable to even pay Edington’s salary. Today, the abandoned project is little more than a giant rock pile.’

‘People dont realize that being in handcuffs greatly reduces your ability to scratch an itch. While that isn’t a major problem for a lot of people, it is for this guy.’

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There’s quite a few short, interesting and amusing sci-fi stories on this site. Most of them are pretty good.

The Ed stories are some of my favourites.

‘After seeing the “plumpho” captcha on Digg last week I did some searching and came up with the Top 11 most insulting captchas. Most people hate captchas whether they are insulting or not, lets hope a better solution comes along soon.’

‘My brother is in his early twenties and while we don’t live at home anymore, our bedrooms are pretty much the same for if we return home in the holidays to visit. My brother does return home a fair bit whereas I work and therefore don’t have the same freedom to leave for a few weeks. My Mum likes to keep our rooms clean for us, and recently my mother was tidying up my brother’s room and lifted up the mattress to clean underneath and discovered a pile of DVD’s. These DVD’s were blank, with titles written on them, so they had obviously been burned, not bought.

Mum inspected them.

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Bad Boys and Bad Boys II.

Her eyes grew wide.’

‘It’s safe to make love while parked in Coeur d’Alene, Idaho. Police officers aren’t allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car to investigate. [..]

Biting someone with your natural teeth is “simple assault,” while biting someone with your false teeth is “aggravated assault” in Louisiana. [..]

Women aren’t allowed to wear patent-leather shoes in Cleveland, Ohio – a man might see the reflection of something “he oughtn’t!” [..]

You can’t use elephants to plow cotton fields in North Carolina. [..]

In the quiet town of Connorsville, Wisconsin, it’s illegal for a man to shoot off a gun when his female partner has an orgasm. [..]

A law to reduce crime states: “It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the Chief of Police as he is entering the town in the state of Washington.”‘

I don’t know why this amuses me, but it does.