moonbuggy

If you thought Technoviking knew how to dance, then you haven’t seen his grandmother yet. 🙂

Also, there’s the original Technoviking With Captions.

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‘Hands cuffed at his waist and a defeated expression on his face, O.J. Simpson listened to a judge blister him Wednesday for “arrogance or ignorance or both” for breaking bail terms in a robbery case.

“I don’t know, Mr. Simpson, what the heck you were thinking, or maybe that’s the problem – you weren’t,” Clark County District Judge Jackie Glass lectured as she doubled his bail to $250,000. [..]

“I don’t know if it’s just arrogance. I don’t know if it’s ignorance,” she said. “But you’ve been locked up at the Clark County Detention Center since Friday because of arrogance or ignorance – or both.”

Simpson, wearing shackles and a dark jail shirt and pants with orange slippers, grimaced as Glass announced she was doubling his bail. He spoke only when asked if he understood the terms.

“Yes, your honor,” the graying football star said evenly.’

‘Bad news for Coco and Blinko — children don’t like clowns and even older kids are scared of them.

The news that will no doubt have clowns shedding tears was revealed in a poll of youngsters by researchers from the University of Sheffield who were examining how to improve the decor of hospital children’s wards.

The study, reported in the Nursing Standard magazine, found all the 250 patients aged between four and 16 they quizzed disliked the use of clowns, with even the older ones finding them scary.

“As adults we make assumptions about what works for children,” said Penny Curtis, a senior lecturer in research at the university.

“We found that clowns are universally disliked by children. Some found them quite frightening and unknowable.”‘

‘Gravity: Doesn’t exist. If items of mass had any impact of others, then mountains should have people orbiting them. Or the space shuttle in space should have the astronauts orbiting it. Of course, that’s just the tip of the gravity myth. Think about it. Scientists want us to believe that the sun has a gravitation pull strong enough to keep a planet like neptune or pluto in orbit, but then it’s not strong enough to keep the moon in orbit? Why is that? What I believe is going on here is this: These objects in space have yet to receive mans touch, and thus have no sin to weigh them down. This isn’t the case for earth, where we see the impact of transfered sin to material objects. The more sin, the heavier something is.’

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‘The Sixties were an era of extreme reality. I miss the smell of tear gas. I miss the fear of getting beaten.’

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‘[..] when Ernst Öpik estimated the density of a number of visual binary stars in 1916, he found that 40 Eridani B had a density of over 25,000 times the Sun’s, which was so high that he called it “impossible”. As Arthur Stanley Eddington put it later in 1927:

“We learn about the stars by receiving and interpreting the messages which their light brings to us. The message of the Companion of Sirius when it was decoded ran: ‘I am composed of material 3,000 times denser than anything you have ever come across; a ton of my material would be a little nugget that you could put in a matchbox.’ What reply can one make to such a message? The reply which most of us made in 1914 was — ‘Shut up. Don’t talk nonsense.'”‘

‘He’s a genius I tell you!’

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This is a bit old, and I’ve posted very similar variations of the theme from the same people before. But it’s still kinda amusing none the less. 🙂

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‘A 20-year-old Burleson man was arrested Friday night after police say he drove a pickup truck into a home while intoxicated.

Bryan Scott Moron was taken into custody after he lost control of a white Chevrolet truck and struck a mailbox on Parkridge Blvd., then continued ahead and drove into a home.

The arresting officer said Moron failed sobriety tests. The arrest report shows Moron had a blood alcohol level of more than twice the legal limit.

Moron reportedly works as a server at a local restaurant.’

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‘Where the beef?’

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‘OK, I am not going to lecture you about the dangers of narcotic pain medicines. We both know how addictive they are: you because you know how it feels when you don’t have your vicodin, me because I’ve seen many many many people just like you. However, there are a few things I can tell you that would make us both much happier. By following a few simple rules our little clinical transaction can go more smoothly and we’ll both be happier because you get out of the ER quicker.

The first rule is be nice to the nurses. They are underpaid, overworked, and have a lot more influence over your stay in the ER than you think. When you are tempted to treat them like shit because they are not the ones who write the rx, remember: I might write for you to get a shot of 2mg of dilaudid, but your behavior toward the nurses determines what percent of that dilaudid is squirted onto the floor before you get your shot. [..]’

‘I Am Not My Brother’s Keeper’

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‘A 32-year-old Californian whose rental car got smashed by a Metro-North train last night was issued a minor summons for causing the fiery crash that stranded railroad commuters for hours.

Bo Bai, a computer technician from Sunnyvale who said he was merely trusting his car’s global positioning system when he steered onto the tracks, was cited for obstructing a railroad crossing, officials said this afternoon. [..]

“As the car is driving over the tracks, the GPS system tells him to turn right, and he turns right onto the railroad tracks,” said Brucker. “That’s how it happened.”

Brucker added, “He tried to stop the train by waving his arms, which apparently was not totally effective in slowing the train.”‘

‘I used to be in the Navy, stationed on an Aegis-class guided-missile cruiser. One day at sea, I’m taking a break on the flight deck (which was just behind the rear Aegis radar array), and I noticed all these dead birds all over the flight deck. It didn’t take me too long to realize that these birds had flown in front of the radar and been microwaved to death.

This gave me an idea. I figured if it works on birds, it should work on popcorn. A microwave’s a microwave, right? So, the next time we pull into port, I go to get some microwave popcorn.’

‘Scientists trekking across a little visited part of Antarctica have discovered a bizarre relic of the Soviet Union is dominating the South Pole of Inaccessibility.

In the middle of no-where — literally the point on Antarctica furthest from the sea — an imposing bust of revolutionary Bolshevik Vladimir Lenin peers out onto the polar emptiness. [..]

The Inaccessibility Pole marks the point on Antarctica that is furthest from the ocean. At 3718 metres above sea-level it is in the Australian zone and seldom visited.

The Scientific Traverse this week made it to the Inaccessibility Pole for New Year’s Day and found a one time Soviet Union base buried under the ice.

The group’s website says Soviet scientists first visited the Pole in December 1958 and built a small cabin there.

After several weeks they left, putting the bust of Lenin on top of the chimney facing Moscow.’

Budapest is the capital of what European country?

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‘i have come into the possession of my great grandfathers life work, among being a decorated aeronautical engineer it would appear he dabbled in the lesser accepted sciences. i have almost finished building his masterpiece a 1952 nash rambler time machine. unfortunately my grandfather didn’t live long enough to find an energy source with high enough density to fuel his machine, but i believe i have the problem solved.

serious offers only, i would like to exchange paper money for paper money printed before 1965 (for OBVIOUS reasons!). i will pay 5% of the total currency exchanged, unfortunately i cannot offer transfers of coinage as i am already pushing the weight limit as it is!’

‘80,000 blondes are gathered for a “Blondes Are Not Stupid” convention. The leader says, “We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?”

A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.

The leader asks her, “What is 15 plus 15?” After 15 or 20 seconds she says, “18!” Obviously, everyone is a little disappointed. Then, 80,000 blondes start cheering, “Give her another chance! Give her another chance!” The leader says, “Well, since we’ve gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance.”

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‘Dude! That’s disgusting!’

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‘I met you at the bar last night, and we hit it off. Ya we were both a little buzzed, but you seemed as into me as I was into you. Things got to things, we made out a bit, and you ended up going home with me on the back of my motorcycle, which was awesome because that doesn’t usually happen to me. I luckily had the extra helmet with me and let you wear my bike jacket while suffering the cold on the way home. I was feeling pretty happy and lucky to say the least.

This is where things got crazy.’

‘Pilgrims were flocking to the Hampshire town of Basingstoke today after a local woman claimed to have seen a vision of a piece of toast on a picture of the Virgin Mary at her local church. Betty Tilley, 42, was praying silently at the Sacred Heart Catholic church when she looked up to see a ray of light slanting in through the window, illuminating a reproduction painting of the Virgin Mary and as she moved closer she was amazed by what she saw.

‘There’s just no question in my mind that it was a miracle. Right there, on the face of the Holy Mary, Mother of God, I could see a nice piece of toasted sliced white bread. The amazing thing is that it was just like the one I had had for breakfast, so clearly this must be some kind of message from God.’’