moonbuggy

‘Police are searching for two would-be bandits after Postal Annex employees got the giggles and foiled an attempted armed robbery, reported television station KPTV in Portland, Ore. [..]

One of the men had a fold-up knife and was having problems opening it. The employees, thinking the attempted robbery was a hoax, laughed at the would-be robbers, KPTV reported.

The assistant manager, playing along with what she assumed was a joke, picked up the phone and threatened to call 911. As soon as she said the three numbers, the two would-be robbers were gone, the employees said.

“He didn’t have a serious voice to him,” said employee Shelley Martin. “We thought he was kidding, so we were laughing back at him.”

“We just didn’t take them seriously. It was like having your kid brother come up with his cowboy and Indian thing,” said employee Nicole Luedtke.’

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‘A Dutch escort agency is launching a special virgin service for computer geeks.

Sociology student Zoe Vialet, who set up Society Service last year, says she has had a lot of demand from virgins.

She says most of them work in the IT sector and added: “They are very sweet but are afraid of seeking contact with other people. They mean it very well but are very scared. [..]

“Some men need a little bit of help. But it makes them happy and they are glowing . There is nothing more terrible than dying as a virgin.”‘

I think it just likes the treadmill rubbing up against it.

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‘A mother makes a quick turn on a busy street and her son falls out the side door. She doesnt notice he is missing until she sees him get up and start walking around to the front of the car.’

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‘Some Ocala residents aren’t laughing at a joke posted on the sign of a local fencing business. The sign in front of Hercules Fence Company says: “What has four wheels and flies? A dead cripple in a wheelchair.” [..]

Terrillion and others protested in front of the business yesterday and demanded the sign be taken down. The store’s commercial manager told protesters the message would come down Friday. The manager said the store’s owner — Paul Buchkovich — decided which weekly jokes to post.

The company also drew criticism in 2005 with another joke posted on its sign. During Violence Awareness Week, its sign said: “Take your ex-wife out. One bullet oughtta do it.”‘

‘Dear NipGuards, I’d really like to thank you for saving my nipples. Before I discovered NipGuards, my nipples would often become erect and chafe against the jersey I wore for basketball. However, with NipGuards in place, I can play without fear of bleeding, cracking, scarring, or other painful side effects of my nipples. I showed my nipples to all of my teammates and they couldn’t believe it! They all ordered some too. So thanks, NipGuards, from myself, my team, and most of all my nipples Zach Stone Kentucky’

‘Cho Seung-Hui said Monday’s massacre on the Virginia Tech campus could have been avoided and said “you forced me into a corner,” in a videotaped message he mailed to NBC News.

NBC News reported that Cho mailed the package at 9:01 a.m. Monday — during the two hours between the shootings at the West Ambler Johnston Hall dormitory and Norris Hall, which left 33 people dead, including Cho, who took his own life.

“You had a hundred billion chances and ways to have avoided today,” Cho said in one of the videos that aired Wednesday night on NBC. “But you decided to spill my blood. You forced me into a corner and gave me only one option. The decision was yours. Now you have blood on your hands that will never wash off.”‘

followup to: Viginia Tech School Shootings.

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‘Is your dog in heat and humping anything it can wrap its horny little legs around? Are you constantly having to pry your promiscuous pooch off the legs of guests, parents and members of your church? Protect your leg from a hump attack by getting Scruffy a Hotdoll. Yes, it’s a sex doll for dogs. It’s shaped like a dog and it’ll allow your tension-filled pet to go to town as much as his little heart desires, humping away until he passes out in exhaustion, leaving a wispy coil of friction-singed dog-fur smoke wafting into the air.’

‘Ellen Massey always counted being struck by a baseball or a bat at Shea Stadium among the hazards of being a Mets fan, but she never thought a 300-pound man would come crashing down the stands — and onto her.

That’s what the Manhattan resident, 58, said happened on Monday, Opening Day at Shea.

Shortly after the seventh-inning stretch, she said, a man dressed in a green Army-type jacket tumbled from higher seats and onto her back, knocking the wind out of her and, ultimately, causing serious injury. [..]

“We were sitting and watching the ball game,” he said. “And in a split-second a rather large person, a man, came sort of tumbling down upon us and basically landed on my aunt’s head and neck.”‘

‘A murder suspect surrendered to police following a three-hour standoff at an apartment complex that was complicated by a crowd of bystanders who threw rocks at police, authorities said. [..]

Walton said officers were first called to the scene about 9 p.m. and encountered neighborhood opposition.

“They were met by a large group — over 100 people — that made an effort to assault officers by throwing rocks at their vehicles and the officers themselves,” Walton said. “There were shots fired, and the officers had their hands full trying to contain the crowd.”

The officers called in reinforcements to help disperse the crowd. Some of the additional police wore riot gear and carried batons.’

‘Police have arrested a 16-year-old from Shreveport who is accused of paying another teen $5 to kill his father. Cops are still looking for the youth allegedly hired for the hit.

The teenager didn’t want to be told where he could live and was tired of having to live by rules, according to Det. Michael Escude of the Caddo Parish Sheriff’s Department.

The boy had moved from his father’s to his mother’s house a day or two before the attempted hit on Wednesday, because the father said he couldn’t deal with him any longer, Escude said.

The youth was arrested Wednesday night on one count of solicitation for murder and remains in the Caddo Juvenile Detention Center, the sheriff’s office said.’

‘A Byron man has been sentenced to four months in jail for distributing stickers that featured derogatory sexual remarks and a woman’s photo and phone number of his former girlfriend. [..]

According to the criminal complaint, the Kasson Police Department began receiving reports on Sept. 22 that someone was placing stickers on cars and buildings in Kasson. The stickers featured a photo of a woman, with derogatory sexual remarks. It also included the woman’s name, address and telephone number along with the phrase “call me now for the best.”‘

‘About 30 people have faked their own kidnappings in NSW in the past year.

Among a spate of recent false reports to NSW Police have been cases involving ransom demands to relatives, handcuffs and faked injuries.

NSW has Australia’s highest recorded kidnapping rate, with 6.9 abductions per 100,000 people, Bureau of Crime Statistics and Research figures show.

The bureau’s report found, however, that of the 238 cases of alleged abduction reviewed by researchers, only 57 per cent involved an actual abduction.’

‘In the middle of the night a manhole erupts gushing millions of gallons of water onto the highway.’

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‘Having trouble with the ladies? Well Eugene the sexpert has some very useful advice that should improve your chances right away.’

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‘”The teacher, Mr. Harold Skinner, grabbed a student by putting his hands on his torso from the rear, and then thrust his pelvic into the student several times, acting as a gorilla would act under a sexual type situation,” said Sheriff Metts.

The investigation report says it happened in a drama class at White Knoll High School, where the students and teachers were working on improvisational skills. In particular, they were practicing how gorillas might act.

Metts says, that’s when Skinner performed the questionable improv act on the student in front of several classmates.

“It was very distasteful to the student and embarrassing to the student to have the teacher put his hands on his torso and then thrust his pelvic into him a number of times in the rear,” said Sheriff Metts.’

‘In the past anyone who didnt have musical talent could release their creative juices by playing Air Guitar, well why cant the same be true for people who have never had sex? Thats why Air Sex is sweeping Japan as the latest craze.’

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‘A gunman robbing a convenience store allowed the clerk to call 911 and apologized after the woman said she might be having a heart attack. But he still took $30 and cigarettes, authorities said. [..]

She started hyperventilating and pleaded with the gunman for help.

“I have heart trouble. Help me,” Parker said.

“I’m sorry, ma’am,” the gunman replied.

“I have heart trouble,” Parker told him.

“Ma’am, it’s going to be all right,” the gunman said.

“I’m probably going to have a heart attack,” Parker said.

“Oh my, ma’am, please do not have a heart attack. Please do not have a heart attack. Please don’t, ma’am,” he said.’

‘A young Argentine zookeeper who worked on a giant anteater conservation project died on Thursday after she was attacked by an anteater who mauled her abdomen and legs with its sharp front claws.

“Her injuries were very serious and when she was admitted she was already in critical condition,” Jose Potito, director of the hospital, told Reuters.

Potito said Melisa Casco, 19, died after an operation to amputate one of her legs. [..]

Anteaters, which can measure up to 9.2 feet long and weigh as much as 110 pounds (50 kg), are native to Latin America and have toothless snouts.

They are usually not aggressive, but their long, knife-like claws can do serious damage to predators when they defend themselves.’

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‘A Northwest Airlines flight to Detroit from Las Vegas was cancelled because the pilot was yelling obscenities during a cellphone conversation while people were boarding, and cursed one passenger, a federal official said Saturday.

The pilot was apparently in a heated cellphone conversation in the cockpit, then went into a lavatory, locked the door and continued the conversation, Federal Aviation Administration spokesman Ian Gregor said Saturday.

“Passengers who were boarding the aircraft could hear his end of it,” Gregor said.

Las Vegas police were sent Friday to McCarran International Airport to investigate, Gregor said. Authorities were told that the pilot cursed one passenger who confronted him, Gregor said.’

‘It’s 11:30 at night; the kids are on the floor of a yellow school bus that’s parked not in Manhattan but a desolate lot in Williamsburg; and everyone on the bus, including the storyteller, is in high school. Oh, one more thing: they’re all on 5-methoxy-N N-diisopropyltryptamine, better known as the club drug Foxy.

Every two weeks, in some forsaken corner of the city, New York’s privileged teenagers go to “Sindergarten,” a traveling party for 17-year olds who, for a few carefree hours, want to feel like they’re five again. Nursery school-style accessories—snacks, children’s music, storybooks, finger-paints—are supplemented with multiple doses of Foxy methoxy, a hallucinogen similar to Ecstasy said to facilitate a childlike sense of wonder with the world.’

Tryptamines rarely make the news.

‘On March 23, an 11-year-old girl woke up in the middle of the night to find a long pole sticking through her bedroom window.

The pole had a hook on the end and the hook was pulling the comforter off her bed.

Naturally, the girl screamed. Then she ran to get her mother, according to the Citrus County Sheriff’s Office.

Authorities searched the neighborhood in the town of Hernando looking for Peeping Toms and checking up on neighborhood sex offenders, but found no suspect.

But deputies did find semen on the outside of the girl’s house, just below her window, according to the Sheriff’s Office.’

‘A tour guide in southwest China stabbed 20 tourists and locals in an attack blamed on a row over kickbacks from souvenir shops and possibly linked to an unhappy childhood, Xinhua news agency said on Tuesday.

Xu Minchao, 25, was leading 40 tourists through Lijiang, a World Heritage-listed tourist destination in mountainous Yunnan province, on Sunday when he suddenly ran into a souvenir shop and demanded a knife, Xinhua said.

“Not realising the man was ready to kill, a girl in the shop gave him one and was stabbed immediately in the arm,” Xinhua said.’

‘A suspended Toronto elementary school principal has pleaded guilty to throwing feces (excrement) on a child.

Maria Pantalone, 49, was charged with two counts of assault – one against that child and one against another – but only admitted to one of the charges today.

“I couldn’t take it any more,” she testified, in describing the provocative circumstances leading up to the incident last June 30.

But she agreed it wasn’t in any way justified.’

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followup to Indian cow eats more chicken.

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‘I made this tutorial to help you guys create fake cumshots in Photoshop. It’s pretty fast, easy and fun thing to do. I used Photoshop CS2 but I’m sure that it will work on older versions of Photoshop as well.’

Hooray for breast feeding 7 year olds. Or not. [shrug] 🙂

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