moonbuggy

`Maggot Art™ is a fantastic new teaching tool for use in the elementary school setting. Children get hands-on experience with insects that most people find truly disgusting — maggots — while creating a beautiful piece of artwork to share with others.’

`Yes, that’s a pistol completely stuffed into the vaginal vault. All of a sudden her agitation and thrashing about seemed a lot more important than it had a few minutes before. How the hell were we to get the gun out without the damn thing discharging?

In the end, there was no real option. She was sedated and taken to the OR for an exam under anesthesia. They put a bulletproof vest over the patient’s body to protect the anesthesiologist in the event the gun went off, and had general surgery standing by. [..]’

`Enjoy sending a completely original spring loaded surprise to those on your A-Hole list…They will receive their specially gift wrapped glossy white box, cut the fancy bow and KA-BOINNNGGG! A custom made Spring Loaded Ass in their face will shock and surprise them!’

`Me (to Krissy): So, would you mind if I tape bacon to the cat?

Krissy: That’s a fairly interesting question. What’s the purpose here?

Me: I put taping bacon to the cat on a list of things I said I was going to do today and people seemed to be skeptical.’

`A car hit a dirt hill at high speed and flew 200 feet into the second story of an apartment building on Tuesday, killing the driver, police said.

Two people in separate apartments at the time of the 9 a.m. crash escaped injury, and there were no injuries on the street.

Investigators did not know what led the driver, Vincent Pontillo Jr., to speed down a dead-end street. His 2004 Honda Accord, which was launched from a 4-foot dirt hill, penetrated the building up to its rear bumper, police spokesman Officer William Fairchild said.’

`Former Baywatch star David Hasselhoff has claimed the late Princess Diana wanted to bed him.

Hasselhoff boasted on Tuesday night that the princess was “smitten” with him and “sparks” flew between them when they met in 1993.

Hasselhoff, 54, recently divorced his wife Pamela Bach, 43, and insists that he and Princess Diana, who tragically died in a 1997 Paris car crash, would have slept together “if circumstances had been different”.’

`Twisted Mark Woollen was locked up in disgrace after being found lurking at the stables where he sexually interfered with a horse.

He had been banned from every field in Britain and put on a strict curfew after admitting the offence. [..]

Woollen was spotted on various occasions riding horses in his underwear, before the 33-year-old was captured on CCTV abusing Molly.

Woollen was caught on March 14 when George Day, Molly’s owner, walked into the stable to find Woollen standing next to the horse with no trousers on.’

`After walking the Great Wall of China and making plans for a trip to Russia, Shirley Greening-Jackson thought signing up for a new internet service would be a doddle.

But the young man behind the counter had other ideas. He said she was barred – because she was too old.

The 75-year-old would only be allowed to sign the forms for the Carphone Warehouse’s TalkTalk phone and broadband package if she was accompanied by a younger member of her family who could explain the small print to her.’

`A participant in the annual Sex Dolls Rafting Tournament near St Petersburg was disqualified in shame for “sexual abuse of apparatus”, Mosnews reports.

[..] According to Mosnews’s entertaining commentary, as “strong wind and flow snatched out resilient dolls from strong men’s hands”, only 40-year-old Igor Osipov was left to make the final climactic dash to the finish line. At this point, however, “the jury then noticed Osipov’s strange position and told him to moor. When he came out of the water, gazers saw signs of recent sexual activity on the swimmer’s doll.”‘

`Chicago police had a wild afternoon Monday as they found themselves in a standoff with a spider monkey that had attacked a teenage girl.

The 14-year-old victim was in pretty bad shape, according to CBS affiliate WBBM-TV. Chicago police she was bitten to the bone, but what caused the animal to attack is unclear. [..]

“Monkeys are very smart animals. If you mess with them, they will mess with you,” Sgt. Ramos said.’

`A homeless woman refuses to stop bathing naked in Munich’s public fountains despite being repeatedly fined for breaking public nudity laws.

Bild newspaper reported the 44-year-old woman named “Bille”, who weighs about 150kg, can be seen almost every day with her bottles of soap and shampoo bathing in one of the Bavarian capital’s 183 public fountains.

“She’s already been charged on 21 occasions for such things as causing public disturbance as well as breaking and entering,” a Munich police spokesman said.’

`At 3:49 a.m. an injured man stumbled up to the Mobil Station at Northcliffe and Mariner Blvd. The clerk noticed the man had a mangled left hand and missing part of his right arm.

Detectives followed the blood trail back to the 4200 block of Goldcoast Ave. Detectives discovered an electric circular saw in the middle of a vacant lot with the cord plugged into an outside outlet. The trigger of the saw was taped so that the saw would constantly run. At that location, the man’s severed arm was found. The man then walked approx three blocks to the Mobil Station.’

`The Philippine Coast Guard is appealing for chicken feathers and human hair to help sponge up the country’s worst oil spill.

A tanker chartered by refiner Petron Corp sank in heavy seas on August 11, oozing about a 10th of its two-million litre cargo of industrial fuel off the central island of Guimaras, affecting 40,000 people and 200km of coastline.

Petron, in which the Philippine government and Saudi state oil firm Saudi Aramco each have a 40 per cent stake, said a fresh spill was spotted late on Wednesday.

“We are appealing for the supply of indigenous absorbent materials like chicken feathers, human hair and rice straw,” Harold Jarder, head of the Coast Guard in Iloilo, a province north of Guimaras, told Reuters.’

`A convicted Vietnamese robber who escaped from prison 20 years ago chose a sly way to hide from the law — inside the police force and as a member of the ruling Communist Party.

A police newspaper reported Friday that Ngo Thanh Tam, 51, was re-arrested Tuesday, two decades after joining the police under a false identity in the Central Highlands province of Dak Nong.

The An Ninh Thu Do (Capital Security) newspaper described Tam as a “dangerous criminal” on the national wanted list. After his arrest he was purged from the party, which he joined in June.’

`Meow. A Pennsylvania judge is being asked to decide whether that word is a harmless taunt or grounds for misdemeanor harassment.

Police have charged a 14-year-old boy with that crime. Michael Loughner is accused of meowing whenever he sees his 78-year-old neighbor, Alexandria Carasia.

The boy’s family got rid of their cat after Carasia complained that it was using her flower garden as a litter box. Now, she said, the boy makes meowing sounds every time he sees her.

He said he’s only meowed at her twice.’

`Raccoons are cute, until they kill one of your cats.

That is what a west Olympia neighborhood is learning this summer.

Raccoons have killed about 10 cats in a three-block area near the Garfield Nature Trail at Harrison Avenue West and Foote Street Southwest.

Problem wildlife coordinator Sean Carrell of the state Department of Fish and Wildlife called the situation “bizarre, weird.”‘

`”Harukarin Blog,” the hot bestseller, tells the supposedly true story of Harukarin Nakagawa, a 23-year-old who claims to have undergone a sex change operation that made him a woman because his girlfriend of several years decided she was a lesbian and would prefer he was female.

“Harukarin Blog” is comprised mainly of excerpts taken from Nakagawa’s blog entries detailing her transformation from man to woman and has sold steadily since it hit bookstore shelves in May.

“Our love was truly a matter of life or death. I truly believe I can overcome any fate to be with the woman I love so much,” Cyzo quotes Harukarin saying in the preface to her story.’

`A thief in Perth is stealing expensive motorbikes while on test rides after leaving dogs behind as security.

Police believe one man is responsible for stealing two bikes and abandoning two dogs in two separate thefts this month.

The first theft occurred almost two weeks ago after a Wanneroo man advertised his motorcycle for $10,000, officers say.

“A man arrived at his house with a dog and was given permission to take the bike for a test ride, leaving his dog with the seller,” police said.

“The man did not return with the bike, or for his pit-bull terrier dog.”‘

`Don’t put your clothes on, put them IN! (In your anus, your vagina, whatever you’ve got to work with).

Inventor John Mott Goodman has patented an entirely new way to hang clothing–snap them into your genitals. Tired of that thong creeping up your bum? Your best solution might be to jam it in further. This invention holds your clothes in place by snapping them onto a bulb that is inserted into your vagina and/or rectum. Don’t just cover your orifices, fill them in as well!’

Do you deserve to be thanked a million times?

`A man knocked on the door of the fire station near the corner of San Ramon Way and San Marin Drive in Novato at about 11:30 p.m.

A firefighter answered and saw a man wearing goggles and surgical gloves and holding a gallon-sized bag with a white powdery, crystal-like substance inside. The man tried to hand the firefighter the bag but the firefighter refused. The man turned and ran to a car where a second person and they drove away.

The firefighter did not handle the bag but he said he felt a burning sensation on his face.’

`Authorities in Indian state of West Bengal rescued a 15-year-old boy tied to a tree for nine years because he used to bite dogs and goats besides gnawing on the feet of relatives and neighbours, officials said today.

Rahul Amin Dhali was just six when he first bit a dog in Biramnagar village, 60km north of Kolkata, the state capital, they said.

A few days later he tasted the flesh of a family member.

“We chose to ignore the issue since he was just a child but it turned worse with every passing day,” Rahman Dhali, the boy’s father, told Reuters.’

`East Pennsboro Police Chief Dennis McMaster has seen a lot of horrible things in his long career as a police officer.

But he says nothing was more shocking than seeing bees flying in and out of an open tumor in the side of a dog named Merrick.

McMaster says the insects had built a nest in the 9-year-old yellow Labrador retriever found June 26 by a letter carrier in the 300 block of West Perry Street.’

`A goat named Louis was crowned King of Ireland yesterday in one of the country’s oldest festivals.

Each year a wild male mountain goat is caught in the foothills of Carrauntoohill, Ireland’s highest mountain, and paraded through the country town of Killorglin as part of the Puck Fair – an annual festival of music, drinking and dancing.

The goat then reigns for three days from a platform 15 metres above the town’s streets.

No one knows for sure the origins of the fair, which is expected to attract more than 100,000 visitors this year, and has long been held on August 10-12.’

`Camille has beauty and brains.

She’s a former model and a Phi Beta Kappa with a master’s in education. There’s a part of her, though, that’s not so perfect.

She smells like spoiled fish.

Camille says when she taught, students wouldn’t come near her.

“They would say things like, ‘Ew, this classroom stinks like dead fish.’ They would call me ‘Miss Fishy.'”‘

`But this is no ordinary house. Since the early 1960s, the man who owns and lives inside the £1m Victorian property has been digging. No one knows how far the the network of burrows underneath 75-year-old William Lyttle’s house stretch. But according to the council, which used ultrasound scanners to ascertain the extent of the problem, almost half a century of nibbling dirt with a shovel and homemade pulley has hollowed out a web of tunnels and caverns, some 8m (26ft) deep, spreading up to 20m in every direction from his house.’

`A court in Bangladesh trying suspected Islamic militants was thrown into panic when five live bombs were produced as exhibits during the hearing of a case.

The discovery prompted the presiding judge to order a hasty adjournment as the court was evacuated. [..]

Officials blame police for not defusing the devices before coming to court. The police say they were not asked to. [..]

“It was fortunate we were not all blown to smithereens,” one officer was reported as saying.’

`They say it takes a thief to catch a thief, but India’s Delhi Metro has hired a monkey to frighten off other monkeys from boarding trains and upsetting passengers.

The langur monkey, trained since the age of three months, has been patrolling monkey-prone stations on a leash.

In June, a monkey boarded a train at the underground Chawri Bazaar station and reportedly scared passengers by scowling at them for three stops. It then alighted at Civil Lines station.

The Delhi Metro Rail Corporation says it hopes the new hire will avert a repeat of that episode.’

`When most parents have a baby, they spend months dreaming about what their bundle of joy will look like. Will she look like mom? Will he have dad’s eyes? But for one Navy family, the birth of their daughter didn’t give them the answers to those questions. Their daughter was born without a face.’