moonbuggy

‘Damn it! These fish sticks are as hard as tits!’

‘All you ever do is stay at home and play with your tits and look at your ass at the same time!’

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‘Starting your lawn mower can be trouble enough.

But Danny Fendley, of Johns Creek, started more than just his mower Tuesday afternoon when he tugged at the pull cord.

The mower “exploded,” starting a fire that soon consumed Fendley’s home.

“It’s a goner,” said Fulton County Fire Lt. Gregory Chambers, at the scene of the blaze. “There’s not even one brick standing.” [..]

As Fendley struggled with the blaze, he said his wife tried to toss a can of gasoline out a window. She missed.

“Gas spilled everywhere,” he said.’

‘A monkey that freed himself two weeks ago from a Mississippi zoo has escaped again, zoo officials said. Tupelo Buffalo Park and Zoo Manager Kirk Nemecheck and other employees noticed the white-faced capuchin’s cage open and lock on the ground around 8:30 a.m. Monday.

Oliver and another capuchin named Baby were found wandering nearby. Workers easily captured Baby, but Oliver fled the park headed in the direction of the Tupelo Country Club, Nemecheck said.

“This is the craziest thing I have ever seen,” Nemecheck said. “I have heard of chimps and orangutans that can pick locks. I’ve also heard a guy who swears his raccoon can pick a lock, but I’ve never heard of a monkey who can pick a lock.”‘

Followup to Tupelo Zoo Searches For Escaped Monkey.

‘A diplomatic incident of some kind is perhaps foreseeable when four young Liverpudlians arrive in a land they’ve never seen before to meet legions of screaming, weeping young women. That might be what Harold Wilson had in the back of his mind when, as Prime Minister, he ensured that a visit to the British embassy in Washington was on the Beatles’ itinerary when they travelled to the US in February 1964.

If that was the case, then Wilson had evidently not anticipated quite how enthusiastically the Fab Four would actually be received by the likes of Lord Harlech, British ambassador of the day, and his wife Lady Sylvia Ormsby-Gore. [..]

John Lennon was pushed and pulled by a “rugby scrum of young Foreign Office officials” while George Harrison was grappled into a corner by dozens of autograph hunters in formal dress. But Ringo had the worst of it. “Someone just cut off a piece of my hair. I’m ruddy mad. This lot here are terrifying,” he said. “Much worse than the kids.”‘

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‘A North Las Vegas judge has been sacked after telling MySpace readers that his interests include physically beating prosecutors – or words to that effect.

In a post to his public MySpace page, The Associated Press reports, substitute judge Jonathan MacArthur laid out his attitude towards prosecutors using a certain graphic phrase that he claimed was common “among blacks, people who associate with blacks or in a sports context.”

The AP wouldn’t actually quote the phrase and the MySpace page has since been made private, but The Reg can confirm that MacArthur told internet users everywhere that his interests include “breaking my foot off in a prosecutor’s ass” and “improving my ability to break my foot off in a prosecutor’s ass.”

MacArthur is also a criminal defense attorney, but in describing his role as a pro tem judge with the North Las Vegas Justice Court, he said that he was a lot like a substitute teacher in a black choir robe with a disconcerting amount of authority.’

This is a site run by an apartment complex manager, with lots of interesting and amusing stories about her dealings with tenants. For example, a letter to a tenant:

‘Dear Mr. Levert,

I understand that it’s quite frustrating to receive many upon many late rent notices when you seem pretty convinced you brought the cheque on the first of the month. I also understand that you’re a very busy man and “don’t have time for this shit”, and that I should just, as you eloquently put it, “fucking fix it.” [..]

But it’s all okay, because calling you and getting screamed at that you don’t have time to fix our fuck-up and that we better stop sending late rent notice makes me feel quite special, especially as the eviction date draws closer (and I love nothing more than having TWO pending evictions in one month). [..]’

‘I once got talking to a guy whose job it was to go into a company, sit alongside the Systems Administrator for two weeks, and write a professional audit on his processes and practices.

Naturally the sys admin would be on his best behavior, showing off all the clever things he did to keep the company’s computer network ticking over.

At the end of the two weeks, the sys admin would be fired. There was never any audit: this was just the method the company used to replace their IT people without disruption, making sure the new guy was trained up and the old guy didn’t cause any damage before he left.’

‘A teenager was taken to hospital after overdosing on espresso coffee.

Jasmine Willis, 17, developed a fever and began hyperventilating after drinking seven double espressos while working at her family’s sandwich shop.

The student, of Stanley, County Durham, was taken to the University Hospital of North Durham, where doctors confirmed she had overdosed on caffeine.

She has since made a full recovery and is now warning others about the dangers of excessive coffee drinking.

Ms Willis, who had thought the coffees were single measures, said the effects were so severe that she began laughing and crying for no reason while serving customers at the shop.’

If your friend ate your lunch would you shoot then with a paintball gun to teach them a lesson? What if they were standing on a ladder at the time? 🙂

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‘News agency Reuters has been forced to admit that footage it released last week purportedly showing Russian submersibles on the seabed of the North Pole actually came from the movie Titanic.

The images were reproduced around the world – including by the Guardian and Guardian Unlimited – alongside the story of Russia planting its flag below the North Pole on Thursday last week. [..]

The mistake was only revealed after a 13-year-old Finnish schoolboy contacted a local newspaper to tell them the images looked identical to those used in the movie.’

Followup to Russians to dive below North Pole.

‘Leroy Greer meant to say it with flowers to his girlfriend, but his wife heard about it too, and now the whole arrangement is in federal court.

Claiming 1-800-flowers.com made his life considerably less rosy, Greer sued the flower delivery company, alleging it made his divorce case thornier by faxing his wife a receipt for flowers he had sent his girlfriend — along with the romantic words he wrote for the card.

The suit, filed this week in Houston, asks that the company pay for his mental anguish and for the increased amount he figures he’ll have to pay in his divorce case, pending since 2005 in Fort Bend County, because his wife has new evidence against him.’

‘A grandmother taking a leisurely swim in a Swedish river ended up in the hospital after a beaver attacked her with its tail, regional newspaper Nerikes Allehanda reported Wednesday.

Police sources said it was the second time a beaver had attacked humans at the beach on the banks of the Bottenaa River, around 150 kilometres (93 miles) west of Stockholm, the newspaper reported.

“The beaver attacked the grandmother. She was seriously hit by the animal’s tail and received a number of bites and scratches,” an officer told the newspaper.

The authorities have decided to kill the dozen or so beavers living near the beach to eliminate any further risk to local bathers.’

‘We just received a tip that the source code for the Facebook main index page has been leaked and published on a blog called Facebook Secrets. There are at least two possible ways that the source code got out – the first is that a Facebook developer has sent it out, or the more likely option that a security hole or other method has been used on either one of the Facebook servers or in their source code repository to reveal the code. The blog that published the code only has a single post on it, so it was created exclusively to publish this code – meaning that whoever is behind this both isn’t taking credit for the hole and doesn’t want to be associated with it. While there is no certain way to verify if the code is actually from Facebook, by taking a quick look through the code and by double-checking some paths that have been referenced, we can say with some certainty that this seems to be both real and also a recent version of the main Facebook page.’

‘Americans are living longer than ever, but not as long as people in 41 other countries.

For decades, the United States has been slipping in international rankings of life expectancy, as other countries improve health care, nutrition and lifestyles.

Countries that surpass the U.S. include Japan and most of Europe, as well as Jordan, Guam and the Cayman Islands.

“Something’s wrong here when one of the richest countries in the world, the one that spends the most on health care, is not able to keep up with other countries,” said Dr. Christopher Murray, head of the Institute for Health Metrics and Evaluation at the University of Washington.’

‘Tom Rogers, a retired Indianapolis detective, toils away most days in his suburban home office reviewing sexual Web sites and other Internet traffic to see whether they qualify as obscene material whose purveyors should be prosecuted by the Justice Department. [..]

The grant, about $150,000 a year, has helped pay for Mr. Rogers and another retired law enforcement officer in Reno, Nev., to harvest and review complaints about obscene matter on the Internet that citizens register on the Justice Department Web site.

In the last few years, 67,000 citizens’ complaints have been deemed legitimate under the program and passed on to the Justice Department and federal prosecutors.

The number of prosecutions resulting from those referrals is zero.’

‘In one fell swoop this big guy ruins summer for everyone.’

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‘A Morgantown man, his mother and his friend are suing McDonald’s for $10 million.

The man says he bit into a hamburger and had a severe allergic reaction to the cheese melted on it.

Jeromy Jackson, who is in his early 20s, says he clearly ordered two Quarter Pounders without cheese at the McDonald’s restaurant in Star City before heading to Clarksburg.

His mother Trela Jackson and friend Andrew Ellifritz are parties to the lawsuit because they say they risked their lives rushing Jeromy to United Hospital Center in Clarksburg.

The lawsuit alleges Jeromy “was only moments from death” or serious injury by the time he reached the hospital.’

‘Cowboy boots have been banned for on-duty Trenton police officers following a weekend crash.

Officer Michael Herko apparently was wearing slick-soled cowboy boots Sunday when Herko’s foot slipped off the brake and onto the gas pedal, causing Herko’s 1997 Crown Victoria squad car to careen into the front doors of the Smokers Express convenience store on U.S. 129, said Trenton Police Chief Billy Smith.

“He wasn’t going fast and he got his foot right back on the brake,” Smith said. “Nobody got hurt, but he was embarrassed as all get out about this.”

At about 6:15 p.m. Sunday, the front of Herko’s patrol car knocked about a 10-foot-by-10-foot opening where the store’s two glass entry doors had been, Smith said.’

‘A monster truck performing stunts in front of an auto parts store veered into a crowd of about 100 spectators Thursday, injuring at least nine people before breaking through a wooden fence and stopping on nearby railroad tracks, officials said.

Three adults and six children were taken to Kishwaukee Community Hospital in DeKalb.

Two of them, a mother and her 4-year-old daughter, were in serious condition and were transported to trauma hospitals in Rockford, said a Kishwaukee hospital spokeswoman. Six others were treated and released, and the remaining patient was in good condition Thursday evening, she said.’

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‘A northeast Ohio man is in trouble for displaying his thoughts on President George W. Bush.

The Kent homeowner wants the president impeached, but how he voiced that opinion could cost him $125 and possible hundreds more, reported NewsChannel5’s Pete Kenworthy.

“I was charged with advertising on public property, a violation of Kent city ordinance 503.02,” said Kevin Egler.

Egler maintains that the ordinance doesn’t cover what he did, placing a sign saying “Impeach Bush” on public property. [..]

“What police don’t have a right to do is selectively enforce the law. Military recruiters can place signs, garage sales, Realtors, but if someone doesn’t like the president, you arrest them and treat them like a criminal. That’s not what the United States is about,” said attorney Bob Fitrakis.’

‘The Orange County Health Department issued a warning to swimmers Wednesday concerning freshwater ponds and lakes after a 10-year-old boy died when an amoeba apparently entered his body.

Officials said Will Sellers was treated at Arnold Palmer Hospital for amoebic encephalitis after swimming in Lake Conway, WKMG-TV reported. Sellers died Wednesday at the hospital from amoebic encephalitis, or acute swelling of the brain

The amoeba suspected of infecting the boy usually enters a swimmer’s body through the nose and travels to the brain and spinal cord.’

‘My earlier column this week detailed the work of a volunteer team to assess problems with US temperature data used for climate modeling. One of these people is Steve McIntyre, who operates the site climateaudit.org. While inspecting historical temperature graphs, he noticed a strange discontinuity, or “jump” in many locations, all occurring around the time of January, 2000.

These graphs were created by NASA’s Reto Ruedy and James Hansen (who shot to fame when he accused the administration of trying to censor his views on climate change). Hansen refused to provide McKintyre with the algorithm used to generate graph data, so McKintyre reverse-engineered it. The result appeared to be a Y2K bug in the handling of the raw data. [..]

The effect of the correction on global temperatures is minor (some 1-2% less warming than originally thought), but the effect on the U.S. global warming propaganda machine could be huge.’

‘This Swedish kid bets his friends that he can jump from one dock to the other. He does not fall gracefully.’

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‘A man was bitten by the decapitated head of a rattlesnake on his property near Prosser.

Danny Anderson and his son saw the 5-foot snake Monday evening while feeding horses. They pinned it with a pipe and cut off its head with a shovel.

When Anderson reached down to pick it up he says the snake head twisted around and bit his index finger. He says if felt like his hand was in a fire pit.

In the 10 minutes it took to reach Prosser Memorial Hospital the venom spread through his body and his tongue had already started to swell. He was treated with shots at the hospital and at Kadlec Medical Center in Richland.

State Fish and Wildlife Department biologist Mike Livingston says it’s possible the snake had the heat-sensing ability to make one last attack or it may have been a reflex.’

‘A local woman must turn over her lottery winnings after a judge said she won them illegally.

Prosecutors said Christina Goodenow, of White City, used a credit card that belonged to her then-boyfriend’s dead mother to buy a winning $1 million Scratch-It ticket in Oct. 2005.

Goodenow asked lottery officials to keep her win quiet, claiming to be a victim of domestic violence. But police learned of the crime about two weeks later, as Goodenow continued to use the stolen credit card.

On Thursday, Jackson County Judge Ray White ruled that the winnings were the proceeds of illegal activity and must be forfeited under Oregon law.’

‘The biggest bank in the virtual world of Second Life has closed its doors after a run on its deposits, putting at risk hundred of thousands of real dollars of savings and investments.

On Thursday, Ginko Financial – which is owned by Brazilian from Sao Paulo whose real name is Andre Sanchez – stopped accepting deposits, froze all withdrawals and converted account holders’ balances into “tradeable debt securities” called Ginko Perpetual Bonds.

The bonds can be bought and sold on the World Stock Exchange (WSE), the largest of three sharemarkets in Second Life. The exchange is run by a Melbourne-based man whose real name is Luke Connell.

Ginko attracted deposits by offering to pay 0.10 per cent daily accrued interest, which equates to a 44 per cent annual return.’

‘The Chinese government has begun a concerted campaign of economic threats against the United States, hinting that it may liquidate its vast holding of US Treasury

Two Chinese officials at leading Communist Party bodies have given interviews in recent days warning, for the first time, that Beijing may use its $1,330bn (£658bn) of foreign reserves as a political weapon to counter pressure from the US Congress. Shifts in Chinese policy are often announced through key think tanks and academies.

Described as China’s “nuclear option” in the state media, such action could trigger a dollar crash at a time when the US currency is breaking down through historic support levels.’

‘A teenager with a history of sleepwalking plunged to his death from a balcony on the first night of a holiday abroad.

Troy Heather, 18, was staying with his girlfriend and her parents in their second-floor apartment on Minorca.

Hairdresser Danielle Ward, also 18, was woken at 3am on Sunday by the sound of her boyfriend hitting the ground 25ft below their flat.

She ran downstairs and raised the alarm but Mr Heather, who had suffered severe head injuries, died in hospital four hours later.’

‘More than 190,000 AK-47 assault rifles and pistols distributed to Iraqi forces by the US are missing, feared fallen into the hands of insurgents, a congressional watchdog warned today.

The highest previous estimate of missing weapons was 14,000, but a new report from the government accountability office (GAO) said US military officials did not know what had happened to 30% of the weapons the US had given to Iraqi forces since 2004.

“They really have no idea where they are,” Rachel Stohl, a senior analyst at the Centre for Defence Information, told the Washington Post, which reported the GAO’s findings. “It likely means that the United States is unintentionally providing weapons to bad actors.”‘