moonbuggy

A 2:30am sneaky lotion application doesn’t go as planned.

Followup to Angry Grandpa Ruins Christmas and Angry Grandpa Pissed About Dinner.

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‘An accidental push of a button Friday had students at Palm Bay High questioning what they’d done wrong and parents plotting punishments.

Parents of all 2,550 students in the school received an automated call Friday reminding them that their student had to report for Saturday morning detention. Problem was, the message only should have gone to 16 homes.

“One of my friends texted me to ask if I had Saturday detention,” said Robert Lenoci, 15, of Valkaria. The sophomore is going to the state science fair finals and hasn’t been in trouble before.

“I looked and I had a message from mom. She was asking, ‘What did you do?’ It was pretty bad,” he said.’

‘An eight-year-old boy had to be freed by firefighters after getting stuck in a pair of handcuffs he found in his mother’s bedroom.

Firefighters took the schoolboy to Copnor Fire Station in Portsmouth, Hampshire.

The crew had to use industrial metal cutters to free the boy.

The cuffs were described as made of “hardened steel” and not meant as a toy. [..]

“Before we released him I asked if he was on the run from the police but he assured me he wasn’t.

“And then his grandmother said he’d found the cuffs in his mother’s bedroom.

“She immediately realised what she’d said and put her hand over her mouth.’

‘Softball, drunken orgies and a prison system run like the mafia. That’s what Florida’s former prison secretary says he inherited when he took over one of the nation’s largest prison systems two years ago.

In fact, on his first day on the job, James McDonough says he walked into his office — the same one his predecessor used — and there was crime scene tape preventing anyone from entering.

“That was an indication we had a problem in the department,” McDonough told CNN in an exclusive interview before he stepped down last Thursday. [..]

“Corruption had gone to an extreme,” McDonough said, saying it all began at the top. “They seemed to be drunk half the time and had orgies the other half, when they weren’t taking money and beating each other up.” [..]

McDonough described a bizarre prison culture among those that ran the system — one that he says seemed obsessed with inter-department softball games and the orgies after games.’

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‘A paralyzed Lexington man was rushed to the hospital Tuesday after he woke to find his dog had chewed off parts of his toes, police said. [..]

Smith may be allowed to take China into quarantine at his home, animal control Chief Nathan Bowling said.

“The animal appears to be in great health, and we have no reason to believe there’s any kind of abuse,” Bowling said.

Tim Cantrell, who said he is temporarily staying at Smith’s home, said he saw the blood on his friend’s bed Tuesday morning.

“I realized upon closer inspection that his toes were no longer on his feet,” Cantrell said.’

‘Like most children her age, Jennifer Lloyd loves watching her favourite programmes on TV.

But when a scary bit is about to happen the ten-year-old has to leave the room quickly – because the sudden shock could kill her.

Jennifer is one of just six known sufferers of polyglandular Addison’s disease, which causes her to become ill whenever she is surprised or shocked.

The condition means she is unable to produce adrenaline in response to alarm or any sudden form of emotional or physical stress.

Instead her body goes into shock and her organs could shut down unless she receives medical treatment.’

‘Extreme poverty is forcing Haiti’s poorest people to eat dirt.

Mud cookies – made from dirt, salt and vegetable shortening – have become popular among Haitians desperate to stave off hunger, the Associated Press reports.

The cookies – which are occasionally used by pregnant women and children as an antacid and source of calcium – have become a regular meal.

Haiti is the poorest country in the western hemisphere and one of the most disadvantaged in the world.’

He seems to be going at a decent pace. 🙂

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Live television is good television. 🙂

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‘A large U.S. spy satellite has lost power and could hit the Earth in late February or March, government officials said Saturday.

The satellite, which no longer can be controlled, could contain hazardous materials, and it is unknown where on the planet it might come down, they said. The officials spoke on condition of anonymity because the information is classified as secret. [..]

Such an uncontrolled re-entry could risk exposure of U.S. secrets, said John Pike, a defense and intelligence expert. Spy satellites typically are disposed of through a controlled re-entry into the ocean so that no one else can access the spacecraft, he said.

Pike also said it’s not likely the threat from the satellite could be eliminated by shooting it down with a missile, because that would create debris that would then re-enter the atmosphere and burn up or hit the ground.

Pike, director of the defense research group GlobalSecurity.org, estimated that the spacecraft weighs about 20,000 pounds and is the size of a small bus. [..]’

These sorts of satellites often have plutonium based radioisotope thermoelectric generators. Fun. 🙂

‘A large, mysterious blob has taken over a major sewer line in the city of Lewiston, leaving public works crews stumped as to how to budge it.

According to city officials, the stretch of 12-inch pipe on Main Street backed up on Jan. 13, and the city has been trying unsuccessfully to clear the line ever since.

Deputy Public Services Director Kevin Gagne told News 8 the doughy, 90-foot mass is comprised of grease, flour and rags.’

Anonymous has declared war on Scientology. It’s pretty funny. 🙂

‘This is it. These are the final days of your sham. The people you have enslaved shall be freed, your attack dogs shall be silenced, and your entire establishment shall be unraveled. You cannot prevent this; you cannot deter this. Money or luxuries will not sway us. We are not motivated by a personal or secondary goal. Our aim is your destruction, in the name of the good of all people on this earth. Our assault has only begun, and shall not cease until your Church is no more. Our efforts will ebb and flow, but our persistence will be as reliable as the tides.

Your time is up.

Welcome to your end.’

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‘One of Britain’s biggest warships was forced to retreat back to base Wednesday — by fears about a fridge.

The aircraft carrier HMS Illustrious sailed out Wednesday from Portsmouth on the southern English coast, the home of the fleet, to join multi-national operations in the Indian Ocean.

But “Lusty” had to turn back because a refrigeration unit used to store meat was in danger of breaking down.

“The sensible thing is for her to come in and get that fixed before she goes off again,” said Royal Navy spokesman Anton Hanney.’

‘Some kid who was obviously nervous about this stunt in the first place has his fears confirms when his buddy decides to nudge him downhill on a four wheeler.’

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‘Kristen DeGroat just wanted to sell her horse to another animal lover, but her ad ended up under “Good Things to Eat” in the classified sections of two newspapers. About a third of the 60 or so calls she received were from people interested in buying horse meat.

“It’s been enough to turn your stomach,” said DeGroat, who eventually sold her 3-year-old mare, Foxy, to a man who wanted a live horse for his grandchildren.

DeGroat’s ad, offering the registered pinto for $200 or the best offer, was intended to run Sunday and Monday under the classified ad heading for horses and stables in The Saginaw News and The Bay City Times.’

‘After two nose jobs and thousands of dollars, Debra Dunn hated her face so much that she avoided mirrors, didn’t want to leave the house and hid behind her long hair anytime she had to be out in public.

“Every time I saw myself, I wanted to punch myself in the nose to make it all go away,” said the 40-year-old New Yorker, referring to the five years that followed a cosmetic surgery intended to even out a bump on her nose from a childhood injury. “I just kept thinking, ‘Why did I do this to myself?'”

Doctor after doctor told Dunn her new nose was lovely. “Anyone would kill for a cute little nose like that,” she remembers many of them saying, despite the fact her new nose was so narrow that it whistled when she breathed. But Dunn deeply regretted messing with what nature had given her and felt she no longer bore any resemblance to herself.’

‘Xin Liangkun, 53, of Dalian city, boasted on national television that no person could recreate the five-layer ball he spent 10 years to create.

“If anyone can reproduce it, I’ll give him my three-story building, and the collections within it.”

The ball is so amazing because all five balls can turn without touching each other.

It took less than six months for Sun Zheng, a young porcelain amateur from Luoyang city, to step up and challenge Xin’s public boast. Sun created the exact same ball and demanded his prize.

“At first he said my replica had internal noise. So I improved the technique, and created a perfect one. Then he said the procedure must have been different.”

So he took Xin to court. The court ruled that Xin’s TV pledge just the same as if he signed a contract, and ordered Xin to give up the house and belongings to Sun.’

For some reason this guy filmed himself whilst checking the stock market. On this occasion he happens to lose his entirely life savings. Apparently, the stock market fucked him in the arse.

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‘Given that she describes herself as a human pet – and is happy to walk around on a lead – Tasha Maltby is used to odd looks and even odder remarks.

But nothing had prepared her for the reaction of the bus driver who allegedly told the self-styled Goth and her boyfriend: “We don’t let freaks and dogs like you on.”

Miss Maltby and her fiance Dani Graves were so angered they have complained to the bus company of being “victimised”.

“It is definitely discrimination, almost like a hate crime,” 19-year-old Miss Maltby said yesterday.

The music technology student had this defence of her lifestyle.

“I am a pet, I generally act animal like and I lead a really easy life,” she said.’

‘That’s not funny. I’m sitting in loads of shit.’

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Physics always wins. 🙂

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‘NASA is wrestling with a potentially dangerous problem in a spacecraft, this time in a moon rocket that hasn’t even been built yet.

Engineers are concerned that the new rocket meant to replace the space shuttle and send astronauts on their way to the moon could shake violently during the first few minutes of flight, possibly destroying the entire vehicle.

“They know it’s a real problem,” said Carnegie Mellon University engineering professor Paul Fischbeck, who has consulted on risk issues with NASA in the past. “This thing is going to shake apart the whole structure, and they’ve got to solve it.” [..]

Professor Jorge Arenas of the Institute of Acoustics in Valdivia, Chile, acknowledged that the problem was serious but said: “NASA has developed one of the safest and risk-controlled space programs in engineering history.”‘

.. that last comment means almost nothing when engineering history has so few space programs in it. 🙂

Or, atleast attempting to before things take an unexpected turn. 🙂

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Things aren’t good when you smack your head hard enough to have seizures.

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‘I wanna make sure I don’t get hit, so I’m backin’ up..’

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‘An Eastern Kentucky man has filed a lawsuit against the Bourbon County Sheriff’s Department, claiming two deputies shot him because they believed his prosthetic leg was a weapon.

Robert Shane Brewer Jr. alleges he was sitting under a tree on a farm near his home in Bourbon County on the night of Sept. 20, with his leg propped against a tree, when two deputies approached him on a trespassing call.

The lawsuit, which was filed Wednesday in U.S. District Court in Lexington, claims the deputies told Brewer to “get out from under the tree” and “drop his weapon.”

Brewer said he told the deputies he didn’t have a weapon and crawled around the tree to face them, when they opened fire without warning, shooting Brewer twice in the neck and chest.

Brewer claims he never threatened or provoked the deputies and that after paramedics arrived, one of the deputies said, “Oh my God, I can’t believe we shot Robbie Brewer.”‘

‘A construction worker claimed in a lawsuit that when he went to a hospital after being hit on the forehead by a falling wooden beam, emergency room staffers forcibly gave him a rectal examination.

Brian Persaud, 38, says in court papers that after he denied a request by NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital emergency room employees to examine his rectum, he was “assaulted, battered and falsely imprisoned.”

His lawyer, Gerrard M. Marrone, said he and Persaud later learned the exam was one way of determining whether he had suffered spinal damage in the accident.

Marrone said his client got eight stitches for a cut over his eyebrow.

Then, Marrone said, emergency room staffers insisted on examining his rectum and held him down while he begged, “Please don’t do that.” He said Persaud hit a doctor while flailing around and staffers gave him an injection, which knocked him out, and performed the rectal exam.’

‘An ugly confrontation between Greek tennis fans and police — in which about 30 people, including children, were affected by capsicum spray — marred the second evening of the Australian Open in Melbourne last night.

The incident occurred during a match between Greek player Konstantinos Economidis and highly ranked Chilean Fernando Gonzalez about 8.30pm.

Play was stopped for eight minutes after police discharged capsicum spray in a Greek section of the crowd at the outdoor Margaret Court Arena. The spray drifted across the court and affected the players.

“It was unpleasant for us,” said Economidis, who eventually lost the match. He said the arena “was full of people who were cheering and looked like they were enjoying the tennis and it was a really nice atmosphere”.

Gonzalez said the crowd was noisy but not offensive.

Australian Open director Craig Tiley last week announced plans for zero-tolerance policing.’