moonbuggy

‘A dwarf performer at the Edinburgh fringe festival had to be rushed to hospital after his penis got stuck to a vacuum cleaner during an act that went horribly awry.

Daniel Blackner, or Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf, was due to perform at the Circus of Horrors at the festival known for its oddball, offbeat performances.

The main part of his act was for him to appear on stage with a vacuum cleaner attached to his member with a special apparatus.

The attachment broke before the performance and Blackner tried to fix it using extra-strong glue, but unfortunately let it dry for only 20 seconds instead of the 20 minutes required.

He then joined it directly to his organ. The end result? A solid attachment, laughter, mortification and … hospitalisation.’

‘These guys build a wall in the middle of an office hallway and confuse their co-workers when they come to work on Monday morning.’

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‘A man threw his seriously ill wife four stories to her death because he could no longer afford to pay for her medical care, prosecutors said in charging him with second-degree murder.

According to court documents filed Wednesday in Jackson County Circuit Court, Stanley Reimer walked his wife to the balcony of their apartment and kissed her before throwing her over. [..]

In the probable cause statement filed with the charges, police said Reimer was desperate because he could not pay the bills for his wife’s treatment for neurological problems and uterine cancer.

‘She Didn’t Jump’ Investigators said that Reimer was in the apartment when they arrived. He told them, “She didn’t jump,” but did not elaborate.’

‘My praise is just so funky..’

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‘Son quit job after Dad’s lotto lies

The furious son of a hoaxer who convinced a town he’d won the £35.4million Euro lottery has spoken of his anger.

Jordan Frater quit his job after his father Fergus, 46, promised him a £5million share of the jackpot.

Roofer Jordan told The Sun: “I could kill him. I’m absolutely gutted.”

“When dad told me he’d won the lottery, I phoned my boss to tell him I was leaving. I’ve had to get back on the phone and beg for my job back. [..]

He said: “One minute I was a multi-millionaire, the next I was back to having nothing.”‘

‘He survived against all the odds; now Peng Shulin has astounded doctors by learning to walk again.

When his body was cut in two by a lorry in 1995, it was little short of a medical miracle that he lived. [..]

Skin was grafted from his head to seal his torso – but the legless Mr Peng was left only 78cm (2ft 6in) tall. [..]

Doctors at the China Rehabilitation Research Centre in Beijing found out about Mr Peng’s plight late last year and devised a plan to get him up walking again.

They came up with an ingenious way to allow him to walk on his own, creating a sophisticated egg cup-like casing to hold his body with two bionic legs attached to it.’

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‘Damn it! These fish sticks are as hard as tits!’

‘All you ever do is stay at home and play with your tits and look at your ass at the same time!’

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‘A 12-year-old Indian girl was beaten and then hanged by her mother for demanding she be sent to school, the Hindustan Times newspaper reported today.

The girl was beaten unconscious with a rolling pin by her mother in a village in Jodhpur district in the western desert state of Rajasthan this month.

“The mother thought she had killed the girl and, in panic, decided to make it appear like a suicide,” a police officer was quoted as saying.

“She allegedly tied a rope around the girl’s neck and hung her from the ceiling.”

The woman has been arrested.

The girl’s father, a labourer, said he and his wife could not afford a bicycle to send their daughter to school a few miles away.’

‘A Japanese biker failed to notice his leg had been severed below the knee when he hit a safety barrier, and rode on for 2 km (1.2 miles), leaving a friend to pick up the missing limb.

The 54-year-old office worker was out on his motorcycle with a group of friends in the city of Hamamatsu, west of Tokyo, on Monday, when he was unable to negotiate a curve in the road and bumped into the central barrier, the Mainichi Shimbun said.

He felt excruciating pain, but did not notice that his right leg was missing until he stopped at the next junction, the paper quoted local police as saying.

The man and his leg were taken to hospital, but the limb had been crushed in the collision, the paper said.’

‘Every once in a while you’ll stumble upon a forum or an online community that is so specific, so insane, so completely ridiculous that you are forced to conclude that you have reached the end of the Internet. Sure, you may continue on your merry clicking way, but you do so with the deep-seated feeling that there is nowhere else to look; you have seen everything the Internet could possibly hope to provide. Here are the eight online communities that killed our adventurous spirit, made us sure that we’d seen everything the online world has to offer, and even more certain that we didn’t want to try to find anything more depressingly fascinating.’

I don’t think I’d seen the #1 strangest community before. It’s rare, these days, to come across a strange fetish I’ve never heard of before. But, that’s the internet for you. Strange. 🙂

They’re gonna break their elbows, surely.

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‘The blood that stained the courtyard of the modest Thousand Oaks apartment complex had been washed away by Monday morning. In its place stood a makeshift memorial: A teddy bear and a few balloons. A Winnie-the-Pooh baby blanket. And a single rose for every year the young victim had lived.

Sev’n Molina, age 6, was hacked to death with a meat cleaver Sunday night, as his mother fought to save his life, terrified neighbors called 911 and the bravest among them tried to intervene in the grisly struggle. [..]

After the boy burst from the apartment into the communal courtyard, witnesses said, Sharp followed him, wielding the cleaver, and began hacking at the child’s head and shouting, “Die, die!”‘

‘The Sheboygan County Sheriff’s Department was seeking a man Monday who broke into a home and tried to steal from a toddler’s piggy bank. [..]

Sheriff’s Capt. Dave Adams gave the following account:

Julie Herscheb of Wilson woke Friday night and heard a noise about 10:30 p.m.

With her husband asleep in the basement, she grabbed a baseball bat and opened the door to her 2-year-old daughter’s bedroom. Herscheb saw a man trying to shake money from the child’s piggy bank.

She shut the door and went to call 911. She dropped the phone, making a noise. The man was gone when deputies arrived.’

‘An alcoholic nine-year-old boy who waged a two-year crime spree, including car theft, has become Victoria’s youngest prisoner.

The pint-sized menace was locked up in a secure welfare unit this week as authorities attempt to cure him of alcoholism and stop him committing crimes.

The State Government will be asked to explain how the boy was able to carry out his crime spree and descend into a booze battle without welfare authorities stepping in.

The boy, who began offending at the age of seven, came to police notice 35 times in two years, but he could not be charged because of his age.’

‘Bryan Connelly, convicted of forgery charges, is accused of making an unusual choice in seeking a hit man to kill the prosecutor: the judge who sentenced him.

Galveston County District Court Judge David Garner said Connelly, 34, of Santa Fe, was among those defendants who “think outside the box” for allegedly writing a letter offering him $5,000 to kill former prosecutor Donnie Quintanilla, now in private practice in Galveston.

Connelly wrote a second letter to his defense attorney, Houston lawyer Jonathan Cox, offering him $5,000 to kill Garner, special prison prosecutor Alice Gregg said.

“I want Judge David Garner dead and I want you to kill him for me,” the letter to Cox read, according to Gregg. “If you decide not to kill Mr. Garner for me, I will kill him myself after I kill you.”‘

‘Authorities Wednesday continued to investigate the apparent murder-suicide of a couple discovered Monday in their Cutler Avenue home in Ocean Acres.

Susan M. Tomkinson, 76, had been killed with a gas cartridge-powered nail gun with wounds to her head and chest, authorities said. She was found in her home with her husband of 55 years, James B. Tomkinson, who apparently killed her and also wounded himself in the head and chest with a nail gun, authorities said in a prepared statement.’

‘A New Zealand couple is looking to call their newborn son Superman — but only because their chosen name of 4Real has been rejected by the government registry.

Pat and Sheena Wheaton say they will get around the decision by the Registrar of Births, Deaths and Marriages by officially naming their son Superman but referring to him as 4Real, the New Zealand Herald newspaper has reported.

The Wheatons decided on the name after seeing the baby for the first time in an ultrasound scan and realizing their baby was “for real.”‘

Poor kid. 🙂

‘A crocodile survived a fall from the 12th floor of a Russian apartment block after making an escape bid through a window, emergency services said on Wednesday.

Diving out of the window has become a habit for the crocodile, called Khenar, with concerned neighbours saying it was the third time he had used that method to flee, Moskovsky Komsomolets daily reported. [..]

Emergency services put the crocodile in a local aquarium to recover from his fall. Within a few hours his concerned owner came to pick him up and the crocodile was last seen lying on the back seat of his owner’s car.’

‘A 42-year-old man who died after a head-on collision near New Plymouth last night was travelling on the bonnet of a car before the fatal crash, police said today.

Darin Paul Maxwell, 42, of New Plymouth, died when the black Mazda Lantis he was travelling on collided with another vehicle on State Highway 3, several kilometres southeast of the city, about 10pm.

The drivers of both vehicles remain in hospital in critical and serious condition, police said.

Witness accounts put Mr Maxwell on the bonnet of the Mazda at the time of the accident.

Detective Sergeant Greg Gray said police would not comment further on why he was on the bonnet of the car at this stage, but confirmed Mr Maxwell and the driver of the Mazda knew each other.’

‘Police chiefs in the Thai capital, Bangkok, have come up with a new way of punishing officers who break the rules – an eye-catching Hello Kitty armband.

The armband is large, bright pink and has a Hello Kitty motif with two hearts embroidered on it.

From today, officers who are late, park in the wrong place or commit other minor transgressions will have to wear it for several days.

The armband is designed to shame the wearer, police officials said.’

‘Jim Cramer from CNBCs Mad Money has a total meltdown last week after the stock market took a slide. This guy is reportedly worth $100 million, if I had that much money I would not be freaking out at things like this.’

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‘A man who became the subject of a book called “The Radioactive Boy Scout” after trying to build a nuclear reactor in a shed as a teenager has been charged with stealing 16 smoke detectors. Police say it was a possible effort to experiment with radioactive materials.

David Hahn, 31, was being held Friday on a $5,000 bond in the Macomb County Jail after he was arraigned Thursday on felony larceny charges. Clinton Township police Capt. Richard Maierle said Hahn denied the charges. [..]

Investigators say Hahn was arrested Wednesday after a maintenance worker saw him stealing a detector from a ceiling in an apartment complex where he lived. They later found the other detectors in his apartment in the Detroit suburb of Clinton Township.

Police say that Hahn’s face was covered with open sores, possibly from constant exposure to radioactive materials.’

Followup to The Radioactive Boy Scout.

‘Tibet’s living Buddhas have been banned from reincarnation without permission from China’s atheist leaders. The ban is included in new rules intended to assert Beijing’s authority over Tibet’s restive and deeply Buddhist people.

“The so-called reincarnated living Buddha without government approval is illegal and invalid,” according to the order, which comes into effect on September 1.

The 14-part regulation issued by the State Administration for Religious Affairs is aimed at limiting the influence of Tibet’s exiled god-king, the Dalai Lama, and at preventing the re-incarnation of the 72-year-old monk without approval from Beijing.’

‘A 21-year-old who has been accused of having sex with minors was arrested on more sex assault charges today.

David Holden of Manchester, who police say thinks of himself as a werewolf, was arrested on a warrant charging him with one count each of second-degree sexual assault, sale of marijuana, providing tobacco to a minor and public indecency. He also has been charged with four counts of impairing the morals of a minor. [..]

Investigators have received reports that Holden had been intentionally scratching minors and consuming their blood, other warrants say. He follows the Gothic culture and refers to himself as a “Lycan werewolf,” they say.

The latest warrant says he is also into Paganism and devil-worshipping.’

‘A mentally ill man was able to roam a busy emergency department, masquerading as a doctor and “consulting” patients, in a serious security breach that exposes the worsening staffing crisis in Australia’s hospitals.

In the recent incident at Wyong Hospital on the NSW central coast, the intruder was able to examine five patients before being challenged while trying to escort one of them outside for a cigarette. He then ran off.

While none of the five patients was harmed, hospital sources describe the incident as a near miss. They say emergency department rosters are now dominated by “transients” such as locums – making it all but impossible for regular staff to spot someone who should not be there.’

‘One of the Jackass nutballs pretends to be retarded and eats a pigeon in front of some folks on the street.’

This is apparently a deleted scene from one of the movies.

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‘International terrorism and the threat to Britain from Al-Qaeda would probably be deemed by most as unlikely subject matter for a musical.

After all, suicide bombing, mass bloodshed and fundamental Islam do not exactly lend themselves to singing and dancing.

But Jihad the Musical by the Silk Circle Production company has forged on regardless and is already being performed on stage at the Edinburgh Festival.

The controversial satire about Islamic terrorism includes such classic tunes as “Building a bomb today, what does the manual say” and “I wanna be like Osama”.’

‘A suburban Gainesville couple faces charges on suspicion of torturing animals while performing sex acts on each other.

Brenda and Clyde Farrell, of Keystone Heights, have each been charged with four counts of animal cruelty.

Police obtained a video they said shows the abuse. A frog, two chameleons and a parakeet were all nailed or taped to a board, then slowly decapitated, according to police.

Officers said they investigated the couple after the wife went to deputies, telling them her husband might be plotting to kill a co-worker.’

‘Shelby County investigators said a 14-year-old Russia area boy who died July 16 after tying a 75-pound rock to his ankle to perform a “stunt” in a family pond.

Jay Luthman died at Miami Valley Hospital a day after he was pulled from the Rangeline Road pond by several Russia volunteer firefighters. [..]

Nathan Luthman told investigators Jay Luthman tied a rock to his ankle and dragged it into the pond to “perform a stunt … but did not know the actual stunt Jay was trying to perform,” O’Leary said.’