moonbuggy

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‘A man drunk on mouthwash who performed oral sex on his unconscious sister in Rainbow Park was sentenced to jail-time served and three years probation Tuesday in Sarnia court.

The 38-year-old pleaded guilty to committing an indecent act May 4 in the south Christina Street park. [..]

The man doesn’t recall the incident but didn’t dispute it occurred, based on a witness’s statement.

A family visiting the park about 6:30 p.m. came upon the couple on a park bench, police had reported earlier.

Defence lawyer Robert McFadden noted his client was incomprehensible when arrested because he and his sister had been drinking alcohol-laced mouthwash.

The woman was intoxicated and unconscious throughout the incident.

The mother of the pair told McFadden she hopes her son didn’t realize the woman was his sister. She called it the low point in her son’s life of alcohol abuse, the lawyer said.’

‘The operator of the Australian discussion forum ZGeek has been named as a defendant in a defamation suit for material posted by ZGeek users to a thread about a 9/11 conspiracy theory. Another forum is apparently also named as a defendant in the claim.

The plaintiffs are apparently seeking $42 Million in consequential damages, claiming that they lost a film deal as a result of criticism of the conspiracy theory in the discussion fora.

What makes this claim stranger is that the owner of the site states that he complied with earlier takedown notices sent by the plaintiffs’ lawyers about the alleged defamatory material.

These types of claims are very worrying for the high levels of uncertainty that they impose on forum operators. In the US, Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act essentially immunises forum operators from defamation claims like this one, but no such strong protection exists in Australia. This lack of certainty effectively provides an incentive for those who feel aggrieved by posts on a public forum to seek damages against the operators of the forum, even where the operators have complied by removing the allegedly defamatory material.’

‘A South Australian police officer has been charged with trying to perform an exorcism on a teenager at a church youth camp.

The 28-year-old off-duty senior constable and two other adults have been charged following a camp run by the Lutheran church in the Barossa Valley in April, Adelaide’s The Advertiser reports on Tuesday.

It’s alleged the three restrained the boy after he complained of stomach pains in an incident that allegedly went for about 12 hours.

The police officer has been charged with false imprisonment and aggravated assault, and suspended pending the outcome of the charges.’

‘A homeless man was acquitted of charges that he smacked a fellow transient in the face with a skateboard as the victim was engaged in a conversation about quantum physics in South San Francisco, authorities said Friday. [..]

Shortly before the incident, Fava was chatting with an acquaintance, who is also homeless, about “quantum physics and the splitting of atoms,” according to prosecutors.

Authorities had said Keller joined in the conversation and, for reasons unknown, got upset. He was accused of picking up his skateboard and hitting Fava in the face with it, splitting his lip. Fava then fell and broke his ankle.

Deputy District Attorney Sharon Cho said the jury that acquitted Keller of assault and battery charges couldn’t sort out the conflicting statements of prosecution witnesses.’

‘Australian wallabies are eating opium poppies and creating crop circles as they hop around “as high as a kite”, a government official has said.

Lara Giddings, the attorney general for the island state of Tasmania, said the kangaroo-like marsupials were getting into poppy fields grown for medicine.

She was reporting to a parliamentary hearing on security for poppy crops. [..]

Rick Rockliff, a spokesman for poppy producer Tasmanian Alkaloids, said the wallaby incursions were not very common, but other animals had also been spotted in the poppy fields acting unusually.

“There have been many stories about sheep that have eaten some of the poppies after harvesting and they all walk around in circles,” he added.’

‘My deceased aunt gave my two kids a Cocker Spaniel a few months back. The dog has been a terror and become overwhelming for me. I am a single father raising two young children. I cannot face telling the kids that the dog must go. I have found a good home for the dog, and just need someone to transport the dog, and play the villain.

Premise: You will be the dog walker hired by daddy (me) to walk Skittles. I will introduce you to the kids, and you will tell them you are going to help Skittles get her exercise when Daddy is too busy to walk her. At that point you will walk Skittles to your car and take her to her new family 20 minutes from my place. Then return holding just a leash. The story will be that Skittles broke free of the leash and took off. At this point prepare for crying, things being thrown at you, and possibly cursing. My kids are young and dramatic, their girls.

Pay will be $500. The job will take roughly 2 hours at best.

This job is ideal for an actor looking to diversify their role base, or someone who genuinely likes to make children cry. Acting experience is a plus, but not necessary. Please inform me of any prior experience in this kind of situation.’

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‘A young Russian woman, a devoted collector of horror films and spiders, is on trial for sedating and raping ten men. [..]

She gave them drinks with clonidine, which almost immediately sent them to sleep for almost 24 hours.

After that, she undressed her victims and raped them, tightening a rope on their male organs to kep them erect. [..]

At present, the police know about ten of Valeria’s victims, although one of them refused to file a complaint against her.

“It was great,” the unnamed man said.

“I like hot women. I only wish she hadn’t use the clonidine on me.”’

‘A highway patrol officer will be reprimanded after he admitted writing “kitchen bitch” as the occupation of a Greymouth teenager on an infringement ticket he issued her. [..]

Ms Butters said that when she was stopped just after 3pm, the officer asked what her occupation was.

“I told him I was a kitchen hand and part-time chef. I never said I was a ‘kitchen bitch’.”

Tasman police district Superintendent Gary Knowles said yesterday he was treating the matter seriously.

“In fact, I have already spoken to the officer concerned, from Nelson, and he has admitted writing the words ‘kitchen bitch’ on the ticket, but according to him that is what she told him.”‘

Crikey.

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‘A telephone prankster posing as a sprinkler company employee caused havoc Saturday morning at an Arkansas Holiday Inn when he convinced an employee to set off the hotel’s fire alarm, smash windows, shut down electricity, and break a sprinkler head that flooded the building lobby. [..]

The man told Bergmann that there was a problem with the hotel’s fire sprinklers and that she “needed to pull the fire alarm to reset them,” cops reported. “Bergmann proceeded to pull the fire alarm at this point, causing the audible alarm.” Bergmann, aided by a hotel guest, would subsequently follow a series of directions from the caller that would result in about $50,000 in damages to the hotel’s windows, carpets and electrical system.’

‘Every scientist dreams of a world without ethics. Whenever a scientist sees a set of twins, he or she secretly wonders what would happen if you surgically swapped their faces. They already have a chamber set up to harness the power of their screams as they gradually realize what has happened. Every day, ethics barely prevent experiments like this from being carried out.

But what if we didn’t have these ethics? When Nazi doctors were let loose during WWII, the incredible rate of their discoveries were matched only by the inadequacy of words to atone for them. They might have been monsters, but without them, we never would have discovered the yield elasticity of the elderly, or learned what part of a prisoner’s tongue detects the taste of angel meat.

The Sims 3 is computer game based on these Nazi scientists that offers us a world of moral ambiguity, free to perform psychological experiments away from the leering eye of ethics. Which is exactly what I did. Here are the results of my findings.’

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drink it down..

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‘..and there were these two wogs fighting.’

‘The four co-founders of website The Pirate Bay have been found guilty of assisting the distribution of illegal content online by a Swedish court today and have been sentenced to a year in jail and a $3.6m (£2.4m) fine.

Charges against the site, which allows web users to access music, movies and TV shows without paying for them and claimed 22 million users during February, were brought by a consortium of media, film and music companies led by the International Federation of the Phonographic Industry.

A Stockholm court found the four defendants guilty of making 33 specific files accessible for illegal sharing through The Pirate Bay, which means they will have to pay compensation to 17 different music and media companies including Sony BMG, Universal, EMI, Warner, MGM and 20th Century Fox.

All four have pledged to appeal against the decision though the process may take several years.’

‘In a satirical jibe at stringent censorship imposed by Fiji’s military Government, the Daily Post newspaper has been filling the space with some no news.

Headlines in Wednesday’s edition included “Man gets on bus” over an item reading: “In what is believed to be the first reported incident of its kind, a man got on a bus yesterday. ‘It was easy,’ he said. ‘I just lifted one leg up and then the other and I was on.’ ”

Another headed “Breakfast as usual” began: “It was breakfast as usual for the staff of this newspaper. ‘I had leftover roti from last night,’ senior reporter Manueli told his colleague yesterday morning.”

A third story began, “Paint has apparently dried on his old couch, Max reports. Given the job of painting the couch, Max was excited at the prospect of the paint drying. But when asked how it dried, he was nonplussed.’

‘A Kenyan man bit a python that wrapped him in its coils and hauled him up a tree in a struggle that lasted hours.

Farm manager Ben Nyaumbe was working in Kenya’s Malindi area at the weekend when the snake struck, apparently hunting for livestock.

“I stepped on a spongy thing on the ground and suddenly my leg was entangled with the body of a huge python,” he told the Daily Nation newspaper.

When the snake coiled itself round his upper body, he resorted to desperate measures.

“I had to bite it,” he said.’

‘A cyclist was knocked out after being hit by a corpse thrown from a speeding car.

Student Wu Dan, 16, was riding home when the incident happened.

His uncle Yun Tsui said: “A car passed and a package came flying out the door. It had a dead woman inside. My nephew was very upset.”

Police believe she was the victim of a car accident and was being dumped by the driver who had hit her in Dongyang, eastern China..’

‘Shocking video footage of a newspaper seller being knocked over by police minutes before he died of a heart attack during the G20 protests emerged last night.

Ian Tomlinson, 47, was hit with a baton and pushed to the floor by an officer in riot gear after getting caught up in the demonstrations in the City of London last Wednesday.

The Independent Police Complaints Commission is already investigating the death of Mr Tomlinson – who was not involved in the protest and was trying to walk home from work when the incident occurred. [..]

After the apparent assault, Mr Tomlinson is shown sitting on the floor remonstrating with police who stand back as bystanders help him to his feet.

He then walked away but three minutes later he collapsed and suffered a heart attack. ‘

‘NASA’s online contest to name a new room at the international space station went awry. Comedian Stephen Colbert won.

The name “Colbert” beat out NASA’s four suggested options in the space agency’s effort to have the public help name the addition. The new room will be launched later this year.

NASA’s mistake was allowing write-ins. Colbert urged viewers of his Comedy Central show, “The Colbert Report” to write in his name. And they complied, with 230,539 votes. That clobbered Serenity, one of the NASA choices, by more than 40,000 votes. Nearly 1.2 million votes were cast by the time the contest ended Friday.

NASA reserves the right to choose an appropriate name. Agency spokesman John Yembrick said NASA will decide in April, but will give top vote-getters “the most consideration.”‘

‘The bat, seen clinging to the external fuel tank of the Space Shuttle Discovery before its launch on Sunday, apparently clung for dear life to the side of the tank as the spaceship lifted off.

And what a ride.

The shuttle accelerates to an orbital velocity of 17,500 milers per hour, which is 25 times faster than the speed of sound, in just over eight minutes. That’s zero to 100 mph in 10 seconds.

Did it make it into space? No one knows yet. [..]’

And did you see the connection in the eyes?

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‘I entered your fine eatery alone today. You greeted me with a great big smile and I was smitten immediately. You are gorgeous and exactly my type, down to the perfume you so delicately shared with me as you passed by. I’m really a normal guy and I’d like to explain myself. Perhaps we can put today’s unfortunate events aside and start over in a few weeks, should I be lucky enough you read this.

Men are pigs. This is a simple fact of life. I’ll be the first to admit it. That said, I was admiring you work for a while and was becoming more and more attracted to you. The more I watched, not all stalker like mind you, the more I was sure you were in fact as beautiful as I had first observed. When you came back to my table and offered to top off my coffee, I was so focused on being close to you, so enamored, I failed to recognize what was going on in my pants. I could not be more sorry.

What I FELT was something foreign moving in my pants. What was ACTUALLY happening was, I was getting an erection. My first gut reaction was to immediately, without hesitation, rain death down upon this uninvited intruder. Kill it before it killed me. [..]’

‘When his wife needed a kidney transplant, Dr. Richard Batista gave her one of his, attorney Dominic Barbara said.

Now that Dawnell Batista has filed for a divorce, Richard Batista wants his kidney back as part of his settlement demand. Or, Barbara said Wednesday, his client wants the value of that kidney: An estimated $1.5 million.

The case is being heard in Supreme Court in Mineola.’

‘t is a dream that has been shared by lovers across the centuries – the chance to elope to exotic lands. But few would have been as bold and spontaneous as six-year-old Mika and his five-year-old sweetheart Anna-Bell who, after mulling over their options in secret, packed their suitcases on New Year’s Eve and set off from the German city of Hanover to tie the knot under the heat of the African sun.

The children left their homes at dawn while their unwitting parents were apparently sleeping, and took along Mika’s seven-year-old sister, Anna-Lena, as a witness to the wedding.

Donning sunglasses, swimming armbands and dragging a pink blow-up lilo and suitcases on wheels packed with summer clothes, cuddly toys and a few provisions, they walked a kilometre up the road, boarded a tram to Hanover train station and got as far as the express train that would take them to the airport before a suspicious station guard alerted police.’

‘An Australian woman accused of setting her husband’s genitals on fire because she thought he was having an affair has been charged with murder.

Prosecutors said 44-year-old Rajini Narayan confessed to neighbors that she set her husband on fire on Dec. 8, 2008, after she saw him hug another woman.

She was initially charged with endangering life and arson but the charges were upgraded to murder after her 47-year-old husband, Satish Narayan, died from his injuries last week. [..]

Boord quoted Narayan allegedly saying: “I just wanted to burn his penis so it belongs to me and no one else. … I didn’t mean this to happen.”‘

‘Authorities said a Sarasota man about to be pulled over by police tried to lure officers away by making a fake 911 call. Officers said they were following a 28-year-old man’s car Monday to make a traffic stop when they got a 911 call for an armed robbery happening several blocks away.

The man’s plan seemed to work at first when the officers cut off their chase to answer the call. But then other officers in the area followed him into a parking lot and saw a gun in his car.

Officer’s determined that the man was a felon and not allowed to possess a firearm. After the man was arrested, officers said they discovered that the bogus 911 call came from his cell phone.’